How often do you separate your twins?

[fryjack2]

We need to spend more 1:1 time with the boys.  Its tough because what little time H is home, we try to spend as a family or I get stuff done kid free. 

I think it would be good for both of them to spend some time doing things without their brother along.  They tend to yell for the other or look around for him when they aren't 5 feet away from each other.  Its cute, but I worry they will be too attached.

How often do you separate your twins and what do you do with them?

[UnderProtest]

Almost never. Although I see the benefit in it, I just haven't worked up to it.

[origami]

Yup it's almost never. Part of that is because we moved overseas recently and don't know anyone yet/have no car so we stick together on the weekends. But we didn't separate them much before we moved either. Maybe a quick trip to the store but that's it.

[Deleted]

At this point, uhm never. Unless I am nursing one or something. I do plan to start taking one out with me though to run errands etc just like I take my singleton out sometimes. I think it is important for kids to spend one on one time with parents, not just twins but all kids.

[josieposy]

Now that the girls are older we try to do it once a month on a weekend for a few hours, but we're not always consistent. They are in separate preschool classrooms so for a large portion of the day they are separated anyway during the regular week.

When we do split them up we try to mix it up. We've done the zoo, shopping, splash pads, parks, stuff like that.

ETA: Before about age 2.5 they were rarely separated. We definitely didn't worry about it until they were preschool age.

[loremipsum]

Not nearly as often as we should - we aim for once a week but it doesn't always work out. We just do little things - go to the store or the park, get an ice cream cone, etc.

They were ok perpetually hanging out until about 2.5. After that, we started noticing that they *really* needed an occasional break from each other (which I get - when That Other Guy is in your face 24/7 at home, at daycare, and everywhere else, eventually you'll just get sick of him and want some space ). We moved them into separate bedrooms at that point - it helped, but they still need some one-on-one time.

[Deleted]

Sometimes but it is not a concern of mine. They are in the same class (as I requested) and like being together. I don't see a downside.

[shananagins]

Almost never. If h and I are both running errands we will each take one, but other than that they are always together.
J has been skipping naps regularly so she has been getting some one on one time. I miss naps.

[fryjack2]

Aug 24, 2014 18:57:09 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sometimes but it is not a concern of mine. They are in the same class (as I requested) and like being together. I don't see a downside.

I think I worry because Henry has a more dominate personality and Jack tends to just go along with him.  If alone, Jack is a quieter kid who enjoys reading, taking the time to build a big tower, play quietly etc.  Henry is a nonstop whirlwind. 

I think I mean that I want to try to nurture the unshared characteristics of their distinct personalities and its tough when they are together.  

[Deleted]

Aug 24, 2014 20:44:28 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

Aug 24, 2014 18:57:09 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sometimes but it is not a concern of mine. They are in the same class (as I requested) and like being together. I don't see a downside.

I think I worry because Henry has a more dominate personality and Jack tends to just go along with him.  If alone, Jack is a quieter kid who enjoys reading, taking the time to build a big tower, play quietly etc.  Henry is a nonstop whirlwind. 

I think I mean that I want to try to nurture the unshared characteristics of their distinct personalities and its tough when they are together.  

If one my guys had a dominate thing, I would reconsider. I always make sure we treat them as individuals - no matching clothes, they get to choose things, we have days where one member of our family gets to pick the activity.  Today one of my sons chose the beach so we all went as a family.

So I totally get it and would do the same thing.

EDIT: I will say that I do nuture their attachment.  I know people are afraid of twins getting "too" attached but in my experience, my sister and I are so much richer for our strong bond.

[fryjack2]

@spenjamins I do the same (treat them as individuals) and get annoyed when people don't. They own no matching clothes. When left alone with my MIL, she will put them in the closest thing she can to identical outfits and I say something and change them every time.

I love that they are best friends who want to be together all the time as well but I want them to be able to see what its like to be just Henry or just Jack too.

[loremipsum]

We're very careful to nurture both their individualism and their attachment to each other, but they fight nonstop if they don't get at least semi-regular separate time. They're like best frenemies lol.

If I could, I'd also put them in separate classes (unfortunately their school is too small). They distract each other badly, and DS2 can be mentally lazy when DS1 is there -- like, "Eh, he's learning this stuff, I don't need to." They're equally bright/capable, but DS2 focuses and learns better solo.

Different strokes.

[cinnamoncox]

We rarely separate them. They are four and have probably spent a grand total of four waking hours apart. Maybe five :/

Every so often I will take one to supermarket and leave other home with dh or he will bring one on a dunkins run or something.

The big thing is bringing one down to the laundry (in the cellar) and leaving the other upstairs. Two whole flights of stairs apart!!

They don't like to be apart. We have resorted to using that as a method to discipline (I hope that's not wrong).
Want to fight? Ok 15 min separation.
Ok ok we will be good.

[cinnamoncox]

Oh, and I'll never have them in separate classes, unless they ask and agree. I get kinda sweaty thinking about it.

[marissa]

When our boys were small we would pick a day and do something one on one with them. Then I had our youngest and we couldn't do that any more.

I remember the first time one of our boys broke his foot. My MIL said his twin cried by the window the entire time we were gone crying out his name. We tried to do things alone after that but it was difficult.

We kept them together for preschool through 1st grade. We separated for 2nd and they have different teachers this year for third. We will ask to put them together for fourth just because fourth here is so difficult with scheduling things. Their first grade teacher is a twin and suggested we separate them since one of the boys was hanging all over the other and seemed dependent on him. They were more more independent last year and seemed to grow as people.

[floridakat]

Our girls have spent very little time apart, an errand here or there. Before they were here, I vowed that they would have individual time with each parent. Now on the weekends I tend to take them both a lot to give my DH a break (he's a SAHD). It seems kind of silly to have BOTH of us taking care of one kid, when one of us can take both of them and give the other parent a break. They also haven't expressed an interest, and actually think it's odd when I do take one of them and not the other somewhere.

It's scary easy when you only have one, though. One car seat to buckle! One hand to hold! I can actually pay attention to my shopping, because I'm not trying to keep track of two people moving in opposite directions!

[cinnamoncox]

Actually when I only have one with me out in the car, I feel so unsettled like I'm forgetting something/someone because I spend literally 99.9% of my waking hours with both of them, so to have one I'm always in the back of my mind where the other one?!?!?

[breezy8407]

Aug 24, 2014 17:47:17 GMT -5 josieposy said:

Now that the girls are older we try to do it once a month on a weekend for a few hours, but we're not always consistent. They are in separate preschool classrooms so for a large portion of the day they are separated anyway during the regular week.

When we do split them up we try to mix it up. We've done the zoo, shopping, splash pads, parks, stuff like that.

ETA: Before about age 2.5 they were rarely separated. We definitely didn't worry about it until they were preschool age.

Hi there - I remember you from TB!

I wanted to ask you how separating them at preschool went. They approached us about it last spring so they could plan preschool classrooms. My two would be "eligible" to move up in November. Their teacher feels they would do better if they are apart. 

[breezy8407]

We tried separating last week and all I did was field questions from DS asking where daddy and DD were.

We need to do it more often, but usually we just go everywhere together.

[josieposy]

Aug 25, 2014 10:42:38 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Aug 24, 2014 17:47:17 GMT -5 josieposy said:

Now that the girls are older we try to do it once a month on a weekend for a few hours, but we're not always consistent. They are in separate preschool classrooms so for a large portion of the day they are separated anyway during the regular week.

When we do split them up we try to mix it up. We've done the zoo, shopping, splash pads, parks, stuff like that.

ETA: Before about age 2.5 they were rarely separated. We definitely didn't worry about it until they were preschool age.

Hi there - I remember you from TB!

I wanted to ask you how separating them at preschool went. They approached us about it last spring so they could plan preschool classrooms. My two would be "eligible" to move up in November. Their teacher feels they would do better if they are apart.

Hi there! We ended up putting them in new rooms right around the time they moved into the Twos rooms. Basically what happened was they were getting co-dependent and distracting one another and fighting a lot. We ran into a situation one day where one pushed the other and almost hit her head. At that point I brought it up first and the teachers were actually relieved because they wanted to do it but didn't know how to bring it up I guess. I think they transitioned over a few days and it was more for the kid moving than anything else, just so they could ease into it. We have had no issues since. The teachers actually think it helped them both assert their independence a little more and become more vocal individually.

So in the mornings everyone gets dropped into the same room, and then around breakfast time they split into their classrooms, and then rejoin at the end of the day when nearing pickup time. They'll see each other occasionally on the playground and if kids have to be moved around for ratio purposes some days. Overall it's worked out very well for my kids. Obviously it's not a one-size-fits-all deal, but in our case it has worked well.  When they do see each other it is usually pretty positive now.

When they move into Pre-K in the next year, that will be the interesting part. There is only one Pre-K room, but it's bigger so there will likely be plenty of opportunities to break them up in small group sessions. I'm hopeful that they'll be older by then and will get along for the most part. But once we move into Kindergarten I have no problem keeping them separated.

[breezy8407]

Aug 25, 2014 11:40:40 GMT -5 josieposy said:

Aug 25, 2014 10:42:38 GMT -5 breezy8407 said:

Hi there - I remember you from TB!

I wanted to ask you how separating them at preschool went. They approached us about it last spring so they could plan preschool classrooms. My two would be "eligible" to move up in November. Their teacher feels they would do better if they are apart.

Hi there! We ended up putting them in new rooms right around the time they moved into the Twos rooms. Basically what happened was they were getting co-dependent and distracting one another and fighting a lot. We ran into a situation one day where one pushed the other and almost hit her head. At that point I brought it up first and the teachers were actually relieved because they wanted to do it but didn't know how to bring it up I guess. I think they transitioned over a few days and it was more for the kid moving than anything else, just so they could ease into it. We have had no issues since. The teachers actually think it helped them both assert their independence a little more and become more vocal individually.

So in the mornings everyone gets dropped into the same room, and then around breakfast time they split into their classrooms, and then rejoin at the end of the day when nearing pickup time. They'll see each other occasionally on the playground and if kids have to be moved around for ratio purposes some days. Overall it's worked out very well for my kids. Obviously it's not a one-size-fits-all deal, but in our case it has worked well.  When they do see each other it is usually pretty positive now.

When they move into Pre-K in the next year, that will be the interesting part. There is only one Pre-K room, but it's bigger so there will likely be plenty of opportunities to break them up in small group sessions. I'm hopeful that they'll be older by then and will get along for the most part. But once we move into Kindergarten I have no problem keeping them separated.

Thank you for sharing. A lot of that sounds familiar. Especially the distracting and fighting. 

And it sounds similar to the morning and afternoon togetherness for breakfast, so they would see each other then. The place we go has multiple preschool and pre-k classrooms, so there's a chance they could still be separated. It was hard at first emotionally, but I also appreciate their teachers perspectives. 

[cayl]

We don't separate them too often but whenever the opportunity presents itself I jump all over it. If I have to run an errand I always take one with me. My MIL had off the first week of July and DD1 wanted to sleep over there all the time - she stayed there 3 days in a row. DD2 stayed there the first night and then didn't want to stay the next two nights so we took her home. It was really, really nice to get that time with just her, especially since DD1 is normally the one who clings to me.

[egishere]

They are in separate preschool classes -not my choice the school wanted to do it this way for this yr but I think it's good for them. And on the weekends we usually run errands separate. Dad takes one and I will take two or vice versa. I try to sometimes take one to lunch or something fun like that.