I missed that that is actually what she calls herself. I'm surprised my mil didn't come up with that one. She definitely does not look 60 so I'm surprise she wants to call such attention to it.
1. Your kid is freaking adorable in red. 2. I agree with lys. She is over the top ridiculous but, at this point, I would just go along with it. This would not be the hill to die on with my H. As for the 2k, he should have said something in the early stages but since you can technically afford it and it seems very important to her, then you just have to pay. I would just consider it a very generous birthday gift. I've been to lots of parties with dress codes (little black dress, masquerade, sports, etc.) so her chosen color scheme isn't a big deal overall.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Aug 28, 2014 9:28:24 GMT -5
1. I would not be paying $2k for a party that I had no interest in hosting. 2. Your son is adorable, completely ignore her "don't ever dress him in red" again. In fact I would probably do it out of spite when you know she's going to be around. Then when she comments I would say in my sweetest voice, "Oh GLAMMA you need to get your eyes checked, E is adorable in this color." 3. This woman is nuts, do not feel guilty at all. I would have told her off when she fed your baby solids & called you emotional when he was 3mo.
1. Your kid is freaking adorable in red. 2. I agree with lys. She is over the top ridiculous but, at this point, I would just go along with it. This would not be the hill to die on with my H. As for the 2k, he should have said something in the early stages but since you can technically afford it and it seems very important to her, then you just have to pay. I would just consider it a very generous birthday gift. I've been to lots of parties with dress codes (little black dress, masquerade, sports, etc.) so her chosen color scheme isn't a big deal overall.
There's no way she should fork over $2k. GOING to this ridiculous party is enough of a concession. And I'd consider it a pretty huge concession to follow the stupid dress code.
There's a saying my H and I have regarding my MIL: we don't reward bad behavior. I cannot tell you how much our marriage improved once he got that concept in his head.
You seriously need your H to start setting boundaries with MIL stat. Otherwise this is going to end up taking a toll on your marriage.
I disagree with the PP who said this isn't your hill to die on. For me it most certainly would be, because we'd be putting a stop to that shit immediately so that MIL realized she cannot just tell us what to do. When MIL plans something without asking us about it first, our policy is to not attend. You might consider adopting the same policy - it only takes a few times of you not attending before they realize they need to consult you first.
RIGHT?
I realize that rikki and her H are ballers so $2,000 isn't that much to them.
But it's the principle of the matter.
If you are not willing to die on the hill of being TOLD to pay for a party you did not plan and were not expecting to pay for, what hill ARE you willing to die on?
for my IL's anniversary last year we had to put on a "play" for them and we all had a different decade and had to dress in costume and do a skit to a song. It was so awesome :/
1. Your kid is freaking adorable in red. 2. I agree with lys. She is over the top ridiculous but, at this point, I would just go along with it. This would not be the hill to die on with my H. As for the 2k, he should have said something in the early stages but since you can technically afford it and it seems very important to her, then you just have to pay. I would just consider it a very generous birthday gift. I've been to lots of parties with dress codes (little black dress, masquerade, sports, etc.) so her chosen color scheme isn't a big deal overall.
It's not clear to me if rikki actually said how the conversation over the $2k went down. Obviously if her H already agreed to pay it then that's that. But if not? No, someone announcing that you have to pay $ doesn't obligate you to do so. It just doesn't. Even if $2k isn't going to break them, there could be a lot of other things they'd rather be doing with the money.
There's a saying my H and I have regarding my MIL: we don't reward bad behavior. I cannot tell you how much our marriage improved once he got that concept in his head.
You seriously need your H to start setting boundaries with MIL stat. Otherwise this is going to end up taking a toll on your marriage.
I disagree with the PP who said this isn't your hill to die on. For me it most certainly would be, because we'd be putting a stop to that shit immediately so that MIL realized she cannot just tell us what to do. When MIL plans something without asking us about it first, our policy is to not attend. You might consider adopting the same policy - it only takes a few times of you not attending before they realize they need to consult you first.
RIGHT?
I realize that rikki and her H are ballers so $2,000 isn't that much to them.
But it's the principle of the matter.
If you are not willing to die on the hill of being TOLD to pay for a party you did not plan and were not expecting to pay for, what hill ARE you willing to die on?
To clarify "not my hill to die on" meant I would NOT just not show up, wear something else or flat out refuse to contribute. I would try to rein that shit in. 4k and a program are just ridiculous! Were they really not expecting to pay for the party or to chip in/host though? She obviously wants a big to-do for her 60th bday and it would be kind of weird (imho) if none of her kids offered to host and she was throwing it completely by herself. If it were my parents or ILs even, I would offer to host but put a limit on the budget. It sounds like her h is very close to his mom and he has not objected to it. My h and I are certainly not ballers but we do make concessions for generous gifts for our parents. His parents wanted to remodel their kitchen so H and his siblings put in 2K each. I was fine with it because we would afford it as he was fine when I want to pay for my parents' vacation when they really needed one. I know that the general consensus on this board is to not put up with IL shenanigans but my response is more based on our own personal family dynamics.
Obviously there are other issues here that her and her H need to work on in regards to setting boundaries with her MIL. I think there was an issue where the MIL did something with her kid that she shouldn't have (like gave him something to eat-I forget exactly). Something like that would be my hill to die on.
I probably shouldn't say this, but I think the whole red is not his color is a passive aggressive dig at you for contributing a lighter skin color because Her family looks good in red. Just plain stupid to say that about a baby at all. E is adorable. .
OMG I totally thought this too but did not want to be the one to say it.
It makes me feel good to find families that are crazier than mine. Thanks, rikki.
I'm sorry your MIL is nuts and you must have the patience of a saint.
I also find it funny that your adorable E supposedly doesn't look good in red. I think he is adorable. However, I am sure it is really important that you look your absolute best when you drool all over yourself and crap your pants.
NO, honey. STAHP. For all that is good and HOLY. Drop. The. Rope.
You are no longer the 'info train'. This is so unbelieveably BAD for your marriage. Your DH's mom wants to do ANYthing with your family (= you, baby, DH.) then she needs to call DH. Never, ever, ever YOU.
Next, $2000 for a 60th B'day party is YOUR contribution?!!? ^o) WTELF?! C'mon now. This is not a party. It is a pseudo wedding regalia. Is she going to be the only one in white, too?! Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. This is just weird.
And the jabs at your baby? Someone (THIS one is fine for you to handle) need to tell MIL that disparaging remarks made about my baby are uncalled for and unbelievably rude. Never breathe a negative word about him again. :::HAIRY/CHALLENGING EYEBALL:::
E is so adorable in red! Unfortunately, i have to say that I've seen programs at birthday events but I'm Nigerian and some of us tend to do weird things and can be over the top with parties!
Ha, yeah I was thinking the same thing about the party not seeming that over the top among my black friends and family.
But the red thing is crazy and I'm sure this is another incident on top of MILs already ridiculousness.
I probably shouldn't say this, but I think the whole red is not his color is a passive aggressive dig at you for contributing a lighter skin color because Her family looks good in red. Just plain stupid to say that about a baby at all. E is adorable. .
OMG I totally thought this too but did not want to be the one to say it.
I thought the same thing. Saying that she and her kids look awesome in red but your son doesn't seems like a dig at his skin color to me. And also, she is empirically wrong.
All of this seems over the too to me, but I could see the matching clothes and program being normal in some circles, so I am willing to reserve judgment on that stuff. But expecting you to pay $2000 and announcing that red is not a one year old's color is crazy from any cultural perspective, IMO.