The only thing I find crazy is that you're expected to pay. A program at an elder's b-day party (any age over 50), color-coordinated family members, and a party "planned by the kids" with the honoree's heavy influence is all commonplace in my circle.
I wouldn't bat an eye if my MIL made all of those requests, with the exception of paying. That part isn't cool.
I wish a muhfucka would tell me my baby didn't look good in a color. The program thing, I get. Hell, I even get the colors-not my thing but I've seen it. Especially with older people and black people.
hell no to the money-was it a request or a demand?
I was wondering of the program is a cultural or regional thing. I'm surprised to see so many people think that a program at an older person's birthday party is weird. The color coordination is a newer phenomenon that I've noticed in the last 10 years or so, but it's pretty common too.
I'm so sorry rikki. Glamma has lost her mind. Dress E like Waldo for the party.
I was thinking a Santa suit but I like this idea better - reds *and* stripes. And FTR, red is my color - I look AMAZING in red - and I have glow in the dark skin. So if it's a skin tone thing, Glamma is off her rocker. Personally, I don't think that blazer suits her coloring at all so she's got it bass-ackwards in the "complementary" department. I won't go into the paying and party department but yeah, your H needs to step up if this is his mom and you're taking the brunt of her crazy.
Honestly, if you note she's treating your kiddo as any "less than" than her other grands (or glands?) you need to step back and re-evaluate. There have been a lot of stories of grandkids growing up as less-than-favored compared to other grandchildren and it's not pretty when they start thinking that mom and dad never stepped up to defend them against an unfair grandparent. Shut that shit down if you even get the remotest inkling that it's happening.
I wish a muhfucka would tell me my baby didn't look good in a color. The program thing, I get. Hell, I even get the colors-not my thing but I've seen it. Especially with older people and black people.
hell no to the money-was it a request or a demand?
I was wondering of the program is a cultural or regional thing. I'm surprised to see so many people think that a program at an older person's birthday party is weird. The color coordination is a newer phenomenon that I've noticed in the last 10 years or so, but it's pretty common too.
I have never encountered a program at anyone's birthday. I am actually still not clear on whether program in this context means "a written description of events" to be handed out to people as they arrive or "planned entertainment" like people performing musical numbers or skits or whatever. Or maybe both? Regardless, I assumed it was normal within Glamma's circle, but I haven't ever seen it personally.
I was wondering of the program is a cultural or regional thing. I'm surprised to see so many people think that a program at an older person's birthday party is weird. The color coordination is a newer phenomenon that I've noticed in the last 10 years or so, but it's pretty common too.
I have never encountered a program at anyone's birthday. I am actually still not clear on whether program in this context means "a written description of events" to be handed out to people as they arrive or "planned entertainment" like people performing musical numbers or skits or whatever. Or maybe both? Regardless, I assumed it was normal within Glamma's circle, but I haven't ever seen it personally.
Definitely scheduled entertainment, occasionally a written description of events. Some programs are more formal than others.
6 p.m. Everyone arrives 6:30 p.m. Lights darken and crowd sits with baited breath 6:35 p.m. Glamma arrives being carried in in Cleopatra style, eating grapes, commands crowd to bow 6:40 p.m. Crowd is allowed to stand 6:41 p.m. Glamma is lowered from her raised perch to a throne where each guest can greet her individually and bring her a gift suitable to her standards since it's her 60th birthday; adornment commences
Lol that all the black people understand some of where glamma is coming from.
Honestly, I don't think this is a husband problem at all. He knows how to deal with his mom appropriately in the context.
Rikki, I'd do your best to not let it get to you.
The party stuff doesn't faze me, because as you said, it's not uncommon in black culture.
That said, I'd take issue with the baby color jab, and I would not let my DH push his mother off on to me, because he doesn't want to deal with her. That's not fair to Rikki. Now he can ignore all day long, but I'll be damn if I'm going to be the go between.
Also, it's all in delivery. Regardless of it's common in your circle or not, there's a way to ask for things.
I was wondering of the program is a cultural or regional thing. I'm surprised to see so many people think that a program at an older person's birthday party is weird. The color coordination is a newer phenomenon that I've noticed in the last 10 years or so, but it's pretty common too.
I have never encountered a program at anyone's birthday. I am actually still not clear on whether program in this context means "a written description of events" to be handed out to people as they arrive or "planned entertainment" like people performing musical numbers or skits or whatever. Or maybe both? Regardless, I assumed it was normal within Glamma's circle, but I haven't ever seen it personally.
So much this. At first, I assumed program meant "paper document of either the events of the party or Glamma's life story". But now I think maybe it means "actual events occurring" are called the program. Like you know, a children's program at school.
Apparently the program will be a printed book with pictures from the last 60 years, as well as a listing of family members and milestones. It's 4 pages, I'm told.
I am side-eyeing a lot of things by glamma here, but it's clear that 60 is a big deal and she is very excited about it, so I can't judge her for that. This might be one of her last big hurrahs in life and she has a vision and wants to go all out, KWIM?
I can't judge this either, but I FULL ON judge the $4k price tag that she's putting on other people to pay so that SHE can go all out.
"All children to discuss y they are thankful for there mom!"
SNORT
I love how she followed all that up with a breezy little "short and sweet" comment. You know, official welcome address, prayer, an original poem, a comedy routine, and then line up to praise me ... but, you know, nothing fancy or drawn-out!
For the "thankful" part, I suggest that you say something like, "We're thankful that Mom handled all of these plans herself, and just told us how big of a check she needed! It certainly made things easy on us!"
Post by childofhiphop on Aug 28, 2014 13:55:51 GMT -5
I get all if the madness (sadly). My Mom made her XH (my dad) buy her a BMW AFTER they were divorced more than a decade. So, I'm quite familiar with the Diva Antics. Her own mother when trying to get me to acquiesce on a disagreement actually said up me "you're know your mother is just a little high strung" WTHeck?
But, the program seems more like a funeral program where everyone gets up and gives a memory of the deceased.
I get all if the madness (sadly). My Mom made her XH (my dad) buy her a BMW AFTER they were divorced more than a decade. So, I'm quite familiar with the Diva Antics. Her own mother when trying to get me to acquiesce on a disagreement actually said up me "you're know your mother is just a little high strung" WTHeck?
But, the program seems more like a funeral program where everyone gets up and gives a memory of the deceased.
That's eerie.
To be fair, though, people only get away with these diva antics because nobody stands up to them.
Unless the divorce decree required him to to buy her a BMW, your mom didn't MAKE your dad do anything. She pressured him, and he caved because he decided that buying her a BMW was easier than dealing with her bullshit. (Related: can he adopt me? I will happily threaten bullshit to get shiny things!)
I think my tolerance level for these types of shenanigans is much higher than PPs. But, now that I know it has to be an original poem, I'm like, NOPE! I'm finally fired up. NO freaking way, glamma.
I hate homework or anything resembling homework.
LOL this is where I get riled up too! I wouldn't be writing a poem. There's just no way! We actually did the speeches for my mum's 60th (60 is big, not so much 65 in my world), but my siblings and I all planned the party and it was all a surprise to her. No one was forced to do all this nonsense. A program to me includes the order of events, as well as pictures and memories of the life of the celebrant and family.
The poem is the first part of all this that has seemed semi-normal to me! Most of our major family events involve an original poem (although to be fair, my mom is an actual published poet, and we all look forward to her poems, which are really quite funny).
Don't be so sad, Being 60 isn't so bad! Don't rush to make your will, because you're now Over the Hill. Take time to smile, You’ve got a while Before everything goes south, and teeth fall from your mouth. Happy 60th Birthday to you!
I get all if the madness (sadly). My Mom made her XH (my dad) buy her a BMW AFTER they were divorced more than a decade. So, I'm quite familiar with the Diva Antics. Her own mother when trying to get me to acquiesce on a disagreement actually said up me "you're know your mother is just a little high strung" WTHeck?
But, the program seems more like a funeral program where everyone gets up and gives a memory of the deceased.
That's eerie.
To be fair, though, people only get away with these diva antics because nobody stands up to them.
Unless the divorce decree required him to to buy her a BMW, your mom didn't MAKE your dad do anything. She pressured him, and he caved because he decided that buying her a BMW was easier than dealing with her bullshit. (Related: can he adopt me? I will happily threaten bullshit to get shiny things!)
To be fair, I'm clear on why/how it happened. It was just one of many, many examples of the "diva antics" that OP is seemingly dealing with. She only "threatens" or bullies her kids. I'm the "mean" daughter because I don't bend to it. Others get the BS charm.