It gets easier, right?

[toratoratori]

I haven't been alone with the baby for more than an hour or so since she was born. For the first two weeks, I felt super overwhelmed and basically begged Dan to stay home with me because I didn't feel ready to take care of her on my own.

I'm starting to feel better, but Dan apparently just found out (literally, an hour ago) that his gaming group is meeting tonight in Port Orchard to play a game he's been wanting to try out. He told me he could stay home if I wanted him to, but I made him skip the one last week, so I feel bad asking him to skip this one, too.

I feel like it wouldn't be such a huge issue if it wasn't such a long stretch of time (the game is 7:00-10:30), plus an hour drive each way. His mom is here to help, but I just don't feel like I want to be left alone yet. I can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not.

[Deleted]

There is going to come a time that you will have to be alone with the C. Honey I am sure it will be fine.

Maybe its because I am not a mom, but I would tell him to go. And you have his mom if something REALLY goes wrong. It will be ok. I am sure she will eat, and poop and sleep like normal.

xo

[ilovebed]

You will be okay. You won't learn all the tricks until you are forced to. If you have to spend several hours alone, you are going to figure out what she wants an needs. Maybe it's bouncing on a yoga ball, maybe it's seining, maybe it's sitting in a vibrating chair, or maybe it's listening to Phil Colins on high blast like my child. Lol. You can do it. You have all the tools you need.

[karebear219]

You can do it and it does get easier. You're in the hardest part right now .

[7costanza]

My H went to a 2 day softball tournament 2 hours from home when the baby was a couple weeks old, and I cried (like, sobbed) for HOURS both days. However, the baby was totally fine and I was fine in the end. You will do great, and with your MIL close to help if needed you at least have a backup plan. In my case the pp hormone crash was 90% of the issue, could that be contributing to your anxiety?

[dana86]

You can do it and you will be awesome! We are all here if you need support

[alias]

Like pp said, you can do it and it does get easier. I had a c/s and H went back to work the day after we left the hospital. I'm not sure how I managed, but I did. And I never wanted to be away from him and being alone was more peaceful and I knew how to do everything right, and no one else did. I bet once you have a few days alone, you'll feel much better about it and get in your groove.

[mrslefty]

It is so scary the first time but it gets easier, and it gets easier really fast. I love our time alone because we just hang out and its more relaxed and it makes our time as a family of three even better because B misses H so much he can't wait to take him when he gets home.

[toratoratori]

Thanks, guys

His game ended up getting cancelled tonight so it's a moot point, but I'm still having anxiety about him going back to work on Tuesday.

7costanza It's TOTALLY the hormones. I mean, combined with the fact that we've had a VERY stressful two weeks, and I already suffer from depression anyway ... yeah. Postpartum hormones are not doing me any favors.

[ilovebed]

Aug 29, 2014 20:05:35 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

Thanks, guys

His game ended up getting cancelled tonight so it's a moot point, but I'm still having anxiety about him going back to work on Tuesday.

7costanza It's TOTALLY the hormones. I mean, combined with the fact that we've had a VERY stressful two weeks, and I already suffer from depression anyway ... yeah. Postpartum hormones are not doing me any favors.

If it lasts more than three and weeks and you are concerned don't be afraid to talk to someone. You don't need to suffer.

[cdmay]

Another aspect of what you said is that you "made" him miss the game last week. Maybe I am reading into this too much, but I want to take stress that both of your lives changed when your baby joined your family. That means his social life changes, too. Are you able to meet all your own basic needs (shower daily, eat regular meals, nap... let alone take a little bit of time for yourself to read a book, etc.)? If not, then he shouldn't even be asking about doing these things. I think in a lot of families the mother's life is utterly changed and the father's is only slightly affected and any real resistance to that brings fully upon the mother. That is unfair and breeds resentment.
Regardless, when the time does come you will be fine. It might not be pretty, but you will keep baby and you safe and healthy and (for the most part) happy. You can do it.

[toratoratori]

cdmay That's the thing! He suddenly has all these social engagements he never had before the baby (the gaming group just started this month), and meanwhile I'm trying to just establish a schedule so I remember to eat.

I don't want to tell him not to do stuff for himself, but I'm not getting to do things for myself. It doesn't seem fair.

[shevacc]

It definitely gets easier. My first day home alone with G I was terrified something would go horribly wrong. But it didn't and I very quickly figured out how to manage. Then, like mrslefty said, I enjoyed the time with just her. We figured out our routine quickly.

If you're not back on your AD, you might want to consider it, or at least talk to your doctor. There are several, Zoloft in particular, that have been well tested and are very low risk for BFing women. No need to suffer -- take good care of you so you can take care of your beautiful girl!

ETA - I tell DH all the time that he can't do stuff when I need his help. I try to offer alternatives when I can, but sometimes it's just no.

[toratoratori]

shevacc I actually never went off my meds while pregnant - the dosage is low enough and my crazies are bad enough that I didn't want to risk it. I can't even imagine how bad I'd be feeling right now if I wasn't still on them!

[cdmay]

Aug 29, 2014 22:58:59 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

cdmay That's the thing! He suddenly has all these social engagements he never had before the baby (the gaming group just started this month), and meanwhile I'm trying to just establish a schedule so I remember to eat.

I don't want to tell him not to do stuff for himself, but I'm not getting to do things for myself. It doesn't seem fair.

It's not fair.  And i'm not saying he is being selfish or doing something wrong.  He's just trying to figure out this parenting/life as a dad/etc., too.  I'm sure he is doing his best.  But that doesn't mean he understands where you are at.  It took a LOT to get D to understand my experience and what i needed.  And the first step to helping him understand was talking to him about it.  I'm happy to talk more about my experience.  Feel free to pm me.

[alias]

What about having him watch baby for a few hours so you can take a nap or get a mani/pedi or whatever it is you want to do? It gives you a little free time and it gives him a little taste of how hard it is to be the primary one responsible for the baby.

[shevacc]

Aug 30, 2014 1:05:40 GMT -5 alias said:

What about having him watch baby for a few hours so you can take a nap or get a mani/pedi or whatever it is you want to do? It gives you a little free time and it gives him a little taste of how hard it is to be the primary one responsible for the baby.

I was just coming in here to recommend exactly this. Even a solo trip to the grocery store might work, but if you can pump and leave a bottle to give yourself a longer break even better. The more solo-parenting DH did, the more understanding he became.

[toratoratori]

I feel like he's been pretty good about it so far, with the exception of these games. Like he'll offer to take her while I go nap for a few hours, but I guess the reality of that is that if he really needs me, I'm still there. If I really need him, and he's an hour away ... yeah. Not the same.

[alias]

toratoratori, I just wanted to add that I luckily did not have PPD and only a little bit of emotional/baby blues. Everyone is different. So, while it's good to hear other people's experiences, yours may not be the same. Just like w/ BF. Hopefully, it gets easier for you. But, don't feel bad if you are having a harder time than other people. Just know that you can ask for help if you need it and you can always vent here.

[shevacc]

spunbutterfly, I hope you get your break soon! I HATE man colds and other miscellaneous illnesses. Guys can be so infuriating in their perceived misery.

Last summer going for a run outside was the perfect way for me to destress. I can't count the times I left home really pissed (usually at DH) and came home in a great mood having forgiven all. Now I vent to my mom over the phone. She realizes it's mostly me venting and doesn't hate DH for it, luckily.

[jennlin]

Sorry I'm late, but yes! It does get easier, I promise!!

You'd be surprised at what you're capable of when you're on your own. Instincts take over, and you get a deeper bond (I think) with your baby when you're completely alone with her.

Hugs, hang in there.