Vent - Update

[alias]

I went to my mom's for dinner last night. She's been on vacation and hadn't seen E in three weeks. Her H is very anal, like you have to squeegee the shower after each shower. He's not my fab person.

My mom tries way to hard to make him "grandpa" to E. which annoys me, but whatever. Just don't be a sick to my kid.

Dinner was late and E was hungry and tired and its just not his most pleasant time of day. Overall, he's a pretty easy kid, but dinner to bed time can be trying. So, he's whiny, throwing food on the floor, banging his dippy cup, etc. I took the cup away several times, but he was also hungry. I was trying to pick my battles. At one point, her H gets annoyed and tells my mom to take his cup away and something about he can't keep banging it and he clearly doesn't want it. So, she does. Then she cleans off his tray and scolds him about throwing food. To me, they were both saying, he's misbehaving, you're doing a bad job, so we're stepping in. It pissed me the fuck off.

Update: I talked to my mom today (I've been ignoring her) and the first thing she did was apologize.  I think my brother probably said something.  She said her H was cranky after their trip and had jet leg and she talked to him about babies and that if he had a problem with him hitting the table he could have nicely asked me to not let him hit the table and she said she only jumped in to diffuse the situation, which I guessed.  Still annoyed, but at least I got it off my chest and she apologized.  She also said her H is particular and we could try to avoid things that we know will piss him off.  Ugh.

[toratoratori]

Ugh! Super annoying. Does her husband have kids? It sounds like he doesn't realize (or forgot) that kids are messy and noisy and got pissy because he had to deal with it. I would say that your mom was just trying to appease him, but the scolding takes it to another level. Did you talk to her at all about the situation and how it rubbed you the wrong way?

[mrslefty]

I would be upset too. It's not like you were enjoying his behavior so adding to it doesn't help at all.

[alias]

He's never had kids. I'm sure she scolded E to appease her H, which annoys me even more. But, she's also made comments about sleepong in his back/flat head, CIO, etc. that have annoyed me & I've told her. I didn't say anything b/c at the moment what I wanted to say was, "If you don't want a whiny, messy toddler at your house, we won't come over anymore. Feel free to come visit him at my messy house." Also, you can't fucking disciple a 13 month old baby. I've tried! They don't understand and it just frustrates the duck out of both of us.

[toratoratori]

I would have said that! Let them come to you if they're going to be jerks about it. Then it's your house, your rules, and they can leave whenever they want if they're so unhappy dealing with a toddler.

[jennlin]

i would've been pissed about them clearing his food. that is not acceptable! i would say "actually, he's still eating....this is how he eats". sorry you have a butt that your mom is married to.

[alias]

My bro was there & thinks I'm over-reacting. But, he diesnt have kods. I told my dad the story & he said he'd be pissed to. I kinda feel bad for my mom b/c she's in the middle sorta, but I need to find a way to tell her w/o making her defensive. I've just been ignoring her.

[shevacc]

I would be annoyed too. First off for expecting a toddler to adjust to dinner being late. Then for trying to discipline your child 1. for age appropriate behavior and 2. when you were right there and actively involved.

Not sure it will work or not, but maybe focus the conversation with your mom around your DS's routine and behavior? He gets really hungry at 6pm and needs to eat then (or hunger/tiredness makes him too cranky). He's just learning to feed himself so mess is inevitable. He doesn't throw food to "be bad" he's still figuring out how dinner works.

[ilovebed]

That's pretty annoying and something that would irritate me a lot. Although I would probably do exactly what you did and ignore it and them next time your mom complains about not seeing you is passive aggressively mention that E seem to I stress out your step dad so you don't want to bring him over.

[toratoratori]

I'm glad your mom apologized! Although "avoiding things that will piss off her husband" seems like it would kind of rule out your visiting with E f he's that fussy about babies, wouldn't it?

[shevacc]

Sept 4, 2014 2:17:18 GMT -5 toratoratori said:

I'm glad your mom apologized! Although "avoiding things that will piss off her husband" seems like it would kind of rule out your visiting with E f he's that fussy about babies, wouldn't it?

That's exactly what I got out of that too. I'm glad your mom apologized, alias!