Randomes & Holiday Blues!

[SwimDeep]

Hi!
I hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!
I feel like I've spent most of this weekend being an exclamation point!

I'm fine! Really!


Holidays spark thoughts of family...I can't figure out how to get away from the pressure to always be one. I'm the only one putting myself under that pressure right now. I've distanced myself from my family (who I'm sure out out grilling and chilling this afternoon) because they do put me under pressure. My H is being so supportive right now, helping me stay focused on finals - bringing me water, food, chocolate, and ice packs when my head gets too hot...
Yes, this is me:

(at least...this is how my head feels right now...)

I'm still feeling pressure from my family, because I know my parents' expectation is for me to be there. So, even though I'm distancing myself for my own good, I still feel guilty. They (my parents) haven't contacted me in more than two months. No invitation for anything...no "hey, hope you're doing alright..." I'm going back and forth between thinking they're respecting my wishes or they're upset with me about something.

I really am OK...I just wanted to ramble a bit. Anyone else lonely this Monday?

ETA -- I edited my title because I thought maybe people would be thinking I'm looking for attention right now. I'm not...I'm just awkward at parties...

Share your weekend! I hope everyone is doing well

[felicia]

I'm sorry you're having a tough weekend & feeling lonely. I'm glad you're finding ways to keep busy. I'm lonely too, but for other reasons. Sometimes I purposely choose to avoid family or friend functions simply because of the food involved. Of course there's also the social anxiety aspect, but not so much in smaller gatherings.

[mel]

I've had the most horrible attitude all weekend. Very edgy and quick to snap. I am trying to blame it on pms and the fact that the custody case seems to be moving at snail's pace. I was supposed to have a babysitter tonight but decided I would rather just stay home with DS.

I've been picking apart my life and everything that I feel is wrong with me over the past couple of days too. I've come up with quite a list and am starting to wonder if maybe others see these same faults and maybe that's why it's so difficult for me to make friends or date.

Overall I've just been kind of blah.

[Deleted]

Hope everyone is doing better today. This was definitely a Monday type of Tuesday. Made a few mistakes at work, but nothing huge. Sometimes these three day weekends give us too much time to think.

My weekend was pretty good, except for the techie issues that kept cropping up. My phone, my computer, the airlines reservations website, etc.

Whoa wait. I HAVE a phone, I HAVE a computer, I HAVE the ability to take a trip. Ummm, nevermind. Guess it's time for a little gratitude.

[Deleted]

SwimDeep I can relate to a lot of the things you post about.

I didn't speak to my family for 2 years.  It was a big blow up and I totally freaked out on them (it all came to a head and my pent up anger just raged).  I told them to leave me alone and that I would throw out anything they sent, so don't bother.

They didn't.  Two years of silence.  I used the time for therapy, to try and fix my marriage and just find myself.  It was invaluable.  At first I felt really guilty, but then I did EMDR (I can tell you more about my experience if you want) and I started to enjoy the silence and peace that came without them around.

Very recently I contacted them, and started a dialouge.  It hasn't been smooth and they are still dysfunctional, but I have strong boundaries that *I* feel comfortable with.  Honestly it took a lot of soul searching to figure out what's ok with me and whats not.  I still am figuring things out.

Don't feel guilty, or thrown away (although I can totally understand those feelings, I felt them at times) but try and take this time for YOU.  Without being what you think they want, or anyone else but you.

Huge hugs, and I am here to listen (and write long rambly responses to, too, lol!)

[malibu]

Hi all.
I've basically been traveling for three weeks. Eastern Wisconsin three weeks ago, Vancouver two weeks ago, and Alberta last week. Was home one night and then we went up to my IL's lake home.
H bought a bottle while I was in Vancouver. He drank. I found it less than an hour after I returned home from my Alberta trip. He claims he didn't like it, and couldn't give me an explanation as to why. I told him he had a choice - I wanted his plan of action for what happened and expected him to execute that plan, or GTFO.
So he went to an AA meeting that he seemed to enjoy on Tuesday night, and plans to go to another on Friday. He was in contact with a buddy he made in treatment as well.
I had my first therapy appointment last Friday, which was perfect timing as my head was ready to explode having found the bottle the night before. It went fine. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be thinking. I don't go again until the 15th.
So my biggest anxiety about going on all those work trips came true. I'm still angry about it, but I agreed to support him if he executed his plan, and he is, so I guess I have to do that.

[Deleted]

Sept 4, 2014 12:59:39 GMT -5 malibu said:

Hi all.
I've basically been traveling for three weeks. Eastern Wisconsin three weeks ago, Vancouver two weeks ago, and Alberta last week. Was home one night and then we went up to my IL's lake home.
H bought a bottle while I was in Vancouver. He drank. I found it less than an hour after I returned home from my Alberta trip. He claims he didn't like it, and couldn't give me an explanation as to why. I told him he had a choice - I wanted his plan of action for what happened and expected him to execute that plan, or GTFO.
So he went to an AA meeting that he seemed to enjoy on Tuesday night, and plans to go to another on Friday. He was in contact with a buddy he made in treatment as well.
I had my first therapy appointment last Friday, which was perfect timing as my head was ready to explode having found the bottle the night before. It went fine. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be thinking. I don't go again until the 15th.
So my biggest anxiety about going on all those work trips came true. I'm still angry about it, but I agreed to support him if he executed his plan, and he is, so I guess I have to do that.

I was thinking about you tonight.  Sorry I missed your post a few days ago.  How are things going now? 

[malibu]

He's gone to two AA meetings on Tuesday nights now since my return. So he is putting in an effort; I haven't seen signs he's been drinking since I've come home, so I'll assume things are OK. His new ADs seem to be working; I notice he's happier, more engaged with DD and me, and attempts to do more around the house. Still not employed and isn't looking all that hard, which is frustrating, but I'm glad he's on a better track now.

[SwimDeep]

malibu - In spite of the setback, this sounds like a good update! His ADs should work as long as he's not drinking. Alcohol will blunt the ADs. I hope that he continues to put in effort! Hopefully as he gains momentum he'll start engaging even more.

[mel]

malibu it sounds like he is putting forth the effort and getting back on track. Hopefully as he does, he will engage more and you will be put a little more at ease by his progress. This was a good update!