Working moms/SAHMs

[demandypants]

Give it to me straight, what is it like to go back to work after having twins?  We have a 6yo daughter and I worked after 12 weeks of leave with her. It was an adjustment but overall I liked doing something besides care for her all day. Then I could come home fresh to parent again. 

Now that I am looking for daycare for two I am really torn on the whole issue.  DH travels some for his work, and I have the ability to work remotely a few times a week. But even with that flexibility it seems overwhelming now just considering the logistics of getting them out of the house in the morning.  All the twin moms I know IRL stayed at home. and it makes me wonder if that is the easiest option. But then I am stepping out of the workforce (and reentry seems scary too) plus losing years at my 401k investments and other earning potential. And for the record I in no way shape or form think staying home will be an easy gig either

I feel like I am all over the place with this, but I was just hoping for some perspective!  Thanks!

[linz]

Well I have no experience but wanted to say I do have twin mom friends who went back to work, so it's doable.  I actually haven't thought to ask them questions about this.  I imagine you just need to prep as much the night before as you can.  I will be returning to work as well 4 days a week but we are fortunate that our parents are watching the babies the first year so I won't have to drop them off anywhere.

[Deleted]

I went back to work at 3 mos - kids went to daycare.

We were lucky to find a place we loved and trusted. I did not give staying home any thought - I was always going to return to work. Getting a routine down can be hard but it is certainly doable. My husband and I established our division of labor and it has worked well for 7 years!

[dcrunnergirl52]

Sept 3, 2014 13:06:20 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

I went back to work at 3 mos - kids went to daycare.

We were lucky to find a place we loved and trusted. I did not give staying home any thought - I was always going to return to work. Getting a routine down can be hard but it is certainly doable. My husband and I established our division of labor and it has worked well for 7 years!

Same thing here. I went back after 4 months. I know lots of twim moms who send their twins to daycare. You just get into a routine and it works itself out. We got into such a good groove that we decided to throw a new singleton into the mix.

[floridakat]

We decided that my H would stay home with the girls. Childcare prices where we live are astronomical, and he worked for a non-profit, so it just made sense for us, money wise. Not that that answers your question, but he struggles with the same things that are worrying you. At times he's worried about reentering the work force, but I know he'll be able to do it when the time comes. It is a hard job, staying at home. I don't think I could do it! As a working mom, though, I feel like I never get a break. Because I'm not home during the day, the girls are glued to me when I am home. All.The.Time. So, I'm either at work or I'm doing 95% of the parenting when I'm home.

I'm not sure there is an "easy" route with twins. I'm all over the place with my reply...but I guess it's just to say that you'll make it work, whichever route you choose.

[josieposy]

I went back 3 weeks after the girls came home (9 weeks after birth). We had a nanny for the first 18 mos or so and then did daycare.

Granted I only had the twins but yeah it can be tough. I've also been a student this entire time and only took 6 mos off from school before going back. Finally graduating this December.

It's hard but I wanted to go back and DH and our families have been supportive. I think having a good support system is very important.

[fryjack2]

In MA, you get 16 weeks for twins. I took all of them since the first month+ they were in the NICU. And it was summer and I wanted to

I went back 2 days a week totaling 20 hours. Tuesdays and Fridays. It was mostly perfect. A day away from them just when I needed it. The pumping was tough as was sleep training.

Now, that they are toddlers, I wish I worked more some days. That's because I work 4 days then have 10 off, work 4 days, 10 off on repeat. The 10 days in a row with 2 energetic toddler boys who don't liek to listen and have speech delay gets to be a lot. Once they start preschool next week I will be going back to 2 days during the week. I think it will be good.

As for daycare, is a nanny an option? I can not recommend one enough. The stress of having to get 2 kids ready and out the door plus all their stuff plus being on time for pick up was daunting. Having them on their own routine helped us immensely. Especially because they were preemies and had their own adjusted time frame for doing things/how their day went. It was actually cheaper to have a nanny than daycare as well. Even with paying her on the books.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

[egishere]

I went back to work when my trips were 5 months old. We had/still have a nanny so that made things much easier and for us it is cheaper! I agree with PP-not having to get kids out of the house is awesome and our nanny did the kids laundry, changed the sheets on their cribs, made bottles and baby food. It was not that stressful to me. I also had a cleaning lady that came every other week-we have since had to cut that out but it was nice.

[UnderProtest]

I stay home with mine. I was always going to stay home when we had kids, but when we found out it was twins, that decision was solidified. My husband started traveling A LOT for work and I wouldn't have been able to manage it all if I was working. It ended up working out for us as we moved for my husband job and I would have had to quit anyway. It isn't easy, just a different kind of difficult.

[loremipsum]

I don't think there's a single unified answer for this. I've SAH'd for periods of 3-6months three times with my kids. And in some ways, yes it was easier. But it didn't work for us at all.

I'm a *much* better mom when I work, and my kids need the type of deep social immersion that daycare provides vs occasional play groups. I've been lucky to be able to work part time, which is really the best of both worlds for us (financially it's a bit of a wash, but I view it as not just paying for daycare, but also keeping up my professional skills, contributing to retirement, etc.), and logistically it really isn't that bad.

[Deleted]

I'm going back tomorrow. The girls are just shy of six months. I never considered staying home, it's just not for me.

I will be working from home in the afternoons to help cut down on the amount of pumping I will need to do since I am nursing and my mom will be watching the kids at my house. Not sure how this will work out. I have an office upstairs where I will be working and the kids will be downstairs. We will see.

I am just relying heavily on prepping the night before and good routines, same as I did after I had my son.

[origami]

Plenty of people do it, so you can do it too. But there are pluses and minuses to whatever decision you make. I don't think there's one right choice for everyone. You just do what you think works best for your family, adjust if it's not working and just do the best you can.

For me, i worked on contract, mostly out of my home at night/during naps. I also worked in various offices for a few weeks here and there on larger projects. In between I just SAH. In the office my actual job was far less stressful for me than SAH, however the busyness of working was more stressful than the flexibility of SAH. There wasn't one path that was clearly easier, for me. I didn't do daycare so I can't comment on that. I hired someone when I was in the office. That eliminates some of the insanity of getting ready in the mornings. But then, there are pluses to daycare too. Whatever you decide you'll make it work.

The one thing i will advise you on is not to plan to do any work at home while your kids are awake, unless you have someone else watching them. My kids are almost 4 and I still can't turn on a computer and get anything done on it, if it takes more than 5 min.

[demandypants]

Thank you for the insight ladies! I really do appreciate hearing how it all works out for others in similar situations! I am grateful to have the ability to take 20 weeks off for maternity leave, so that should give me plenty of time to figure this all out.

[kershnic]

We're doing the two working parent thing right now and kind of drowning, so I can offer my story but maybe not advice...

I had 13 weeks of maternity leave then returned to work 5 day a week while my wife took 10 weeks of maternity leave.  The girls started daycare at 5 months at the beginning of August.  My boss allowed me to downshift to a 4 day/week schedule.  My wife's boss allowed her to change her hours to 8-4 (rather than 9-5).  But we both commute an hour each way.  It's stressful.  I drop the girls off at about 8:30, get to work at 9:30ish.  My wife leaves work at 4, picks them up at 5, and I get home around 6:30. 

We live in a 3rd floor walk up and the daycare entrance is down a half flight of stairs.  Getting the babies there and back is really hard, but we're making it work because we have to.  We wear one baby and transport the other in a single stroller for daycare transportation.

We have no local family and a nanny is prohibitively expensive here.

I am also a part time student.  We are seriously considering having me quit my job to spend more time at home and have time to focus on school. 

[nikki25]

I went back to work after having 7 months off and when the boys turned 5 months. It hasn't been too bad but my mom has been watching them. She comes to the house most days which has been a lifesaver. My 4 year old DD goes to Pre-K, three days a week and stays with my mom the other 2 days. My mom will be returning to work soon so I will have to get all three kids ready for daycare, needless to say, I am not looking forward to that. I have a very flexible job where I can work from home so I think that helps to alleviate the stress of working. It can work! Good luck!

[Deleted]

I went back to work full time when they were 12 months. For me it was a lifesaver as I am not cut to stay at home. Kudos to SAHMs. Daycare was more than our mortgage but working kept me sane. It was hectic after work but I don't think anymore than anyone with small children.

Good luck!

[cinnamoncox]

I've basically stayed home. I started extremely part time in real estate when they were about a year. I've worked extremely part time since then. As primary care giver, it's on me, so it's hard to have a very unpredictable job while being primary care giver to two young young children and an older one.

Now they are four and go to preschool four days a week sept through June. This is their second year.
I can't imagine what getting them ready so early in the morning and rushing out would've been like.

Staying home has been the hardest thing ever. When I go to the office or have appointments it's glorious!

There's no right or wrong. Whatever is best for your family.
If you're working full time and spouse is, I would imagine a nanny is the way to go, having them come to you and you don't have to get the babies out so early. Cut down a speck of the stress.
Good luck.

[everam01]

I went back to work after 3 months and the boys went to a daycare center. I just tried to prep as much as possible the night before, making labels for bottles and packing their bag.

[cinnamoncox]

@awinter
Good luck back at work. I hope you all transition smoothly.

[Deleted]

Sept 7, 2014 10:23:56 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

@awinter
Good luck back at work. I hope you all transition smoothly.

Thanks. So far so good. My mom is our nanny now and it is working really well for our family. I don't have to get anyone out of the house or rush home and she gets paid to play with her grandkids. I also work from home a lot in my home office and it makes nursing the girls so much easier. She brings me a baby, I latch them on and keep working lol. It tAkers a lot less time and is less disruptive than pumping. I wasn't sure how this would work since j had been in day are and it being family and all. But she has been taking notes on how we do things and keeping little journals on the girls' days. It's working well for us.

[cinnamoncox]

@awinter

I'm glad it's going well so far. It's a huge change and everyone will settle into the routine. It's great having grandma with them too, makes it easier on you since you obviously know and trust her!

[breezy8407]

I will share my experience - I only have the twins, no older child.

My two were born in April and H is a teacher, so our two were home until they were almost 5 months. I went back to work when they were 11 weeks. We had initially hired a nanny, but she fell through (long story) so we had to find care in a panic. We found a center (hard to find homes that have room for 2 infants), but the location was not ideal. We made it work.

My H also coached a winter sport that first year, so he was gone in evenings and Saturday mornings for 4 months. Not going to lie...it sucked. I was miserable and it was really hard for me to do it all. That being said, things are much easier now that they are older, but he took last year off from coaching, mostly for our family sanity. I had a hard time balancing work because at the time, my job was super stressful.

Financially, we couldn't make me staying home work out, but paying for two in a center is a stretch. (I am going to jump for joy when they go to kindergarten!) But finances and things like health insurance, retirement, career advancement, etc are also big reasons I felt it important to keep working.

[demandypants]

Sept 10, 2014 7:01:26 GMT -5 @cookiemonster03 said:

I was really really really tired the first year. my girls didn't sleep through the night consistently until well over a year but otherwise it was fine. they like day care

This was my experience after going back with my daughter.  These babies had better be sleepers!  hehehe

[quickstepstar]

I went back to work. It was a relief for me, since I thought work was more relaxing (Now that they have 10 billion things going on after school, I feel like I could see myself staying home). Nanny ended up being cheaper for us than daycare though, so after a brief time at a center, we have had a nanny since A&A were 6 months old.