Back to work

[mel]

I hope those of us that are having a rough time are feeling a little better today.

I was able to finally get some rest last night. I picked up some melatonin but didn't have a chance to try it out. I was having some chest pain and feeling anxious so I took some Xanax and was able to rest and the chest pain went away.

I have to work tonight as in I have no choice but to show my face. Calling in sick for a 3rd shift is not an option no matter how much I wish it was. I cannot afford to jeopardize my job. I know a couple of my friends will be suspicious as to why I haven't been at work since last Thursday but hopefully they'll leave me alone about it and not ask any questions. I'm very nervous about this.

[SwimDeep]

I want you to know that I'm sending nothing but positive energy your way.

At the same time, when I think about your friends, I think about them in "quotes". Honestly, after reading what they did to you, I would be nervous around them.

Still, like you said, you have to work -- so be confident! Remember to breathe, and tell yourself it's just like riding a bike. You know what to do, and you know when to do it.

(by the way, this is what I'm telling myself to work up my confidence to go to the gym...I hope it helps! Again, nothing but positive energy your way! You got this!!)

[mel]

Thanks! I know I'll get back into a routine but for some reason it seems like a huge deal to have to get up, shower, get ready for work, and then be "on" for 12 hours taking care of other people. Hopefully nobody asks about why I was gone. They typically do because as nurses we like the gory details haha. I'm thinking of just simply saying that I wasn't feeling well but I'm better and thanks for the concern.

The problem with my friends is that we are all ER nurses. We see psych patients at their worst. We all have had to take down an out of control psych patient and typically on a fairly regular basis. We get them at their worst and for a relatively short period of time while they are waiting for medical clearance in order to be admitted to the psych hospitals. Once they are gone the illusion is that they'll go inpatient and come out all fixed. That's not the case. So in their minds by me going inpatient they "saved me from myself" and I should be fixed. So they 100% believe that their intervention last year was the right thing to do and cured me. I'm not at all cured but I do not want another "intervention" of that sort so I keep up the facade as best as I can with them. I don't trust them. Unfortunately 2 of them work tonight so it's going to be somewhat difficult.