School Age Multiples

[Deleted]

For those with multiples in school - are in the same classs? Do they stick together? I'm just curious how others are handling their multiples making healthy friendships outside of each other.  

My girls are in grade 1 and in the same class. C is very independent and has lots of friends, mostly boys, that she likes to partner with and play with each other at recess. Meanwhile A complains that C won't play with her at recess and is very girly so she won't join in the games when boys are there as they are 6 and can get rowdy.

I try to explain they don't need to be together ALL day but then the situation will flip and C will be upset A didn't eat lunch with her. I'm figuring part of it is age and they will figure out their place with each other as they get older.

[katandkevin]

My twins are in first grade. They have always been in separate classes. They check in with each other at recess and then go about their separate ways. They aren't dependent on each other at all.

[marissa]

My two will be 9 next week; they are in 3rd grade. We had them together for preschool, k, and 1st. We separated in 2nd on the suggestion of their 1st grade teacher, who happens to be a twin as well. I thought they did great last hear.new are putting the together next year just because 4th here is a lot of work and I think it will be easier to keep track of one class.

[Deleted]

They have been together and are now in second grade. They do well together.

[cinnamoncox]

Mine are only four, but they are in their second (and last thank goodness) year of preschool. They're in the same class. As of now, my plan is to never separate them. When they are older if they ask to be separated (oh my heart ) I'll consider it, but the plan is to stay together.

[Deleted]

Sept 13, 2014 10:28:53 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Mine are only four, but they are in their second (and last thank goodness) year of preschool. They're in the same class. As of now, my plan is to never separate them. When they are older if they ask to be separated (oh my heart ) I'll consider it, but the plan is to stay together.

Let me know if you face opposition.  I have some research. One of the reasons I became so involved in the kid's school.

[quickstepstar]

Mine are in 1st grade. They have been separated since K, and we will keep it that way. They are extremely competitive with each other, so this has worked out well. They still play together at recess, and I am glad they are able to do that.

[macchiatto]

My boys are in kindergarten. They had 2.5 years of preschool in this. We decided to take the decision year by year but they have been in the same class so far and have done well together. Their Pre-K teachers said there were zero issues having them in the same class last year. They are quite different and tend to gravitate toward different friends. We may likely separate them for next year but we'll see how it goes throughout this year before deciding. There are pros and cons to both and I definitely believe there's no one-size-fits-all answer for multiples (and the research does *not* support any automatic separation of multiples).

[cinnamoncox]

Sept 13, 2014 15:02:14 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sept 13, 2014 10:28:53 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Mine are only four, but they are in their second (and last thank goodness) year of preschool. They're in the same class. As of now, my plan is to never separate them. When they are older if they ask to be separated (oh my heart ) I'll consider it, but the plan is to stay together.

Let me know if you face opposition.  I have some research. One of the reasons I became so involved in the kid's school.

@spenjamins
Thx
Did the school ask you to separate or did your boys ask? The idea of them not in the same class gives me hives I can't really explain why. Mine aren't identical. Idk if that matters.

[kittycat196]

My 4 year old boys have been seperated since they were babies in daycare. They are now in PreK and daycare for a full day.
It started out as a space issue with the daycare but they have done well and see each other at play time outside and at certain times when the classes get together.
I have been keeping them seperate for the past 2 years because of behavior issues. My boys can get very wild and wrestle and things like that. So the teachers thought it best to seperate. I also noticed one tends to answer for the other and they look to see what each other is doing on school work so I feel it is still good to seperate them so they can really grow and shine on their own.
I also feel seperating them helps them be independant and try new things on their own.

[Deleted]

Sept 30, 2014 10:20:58 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Sept 13, 2014 15:02:14 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Let me know if you face opposition.  I have some research. One of the reasons I became so involved in the kid's school.

@spenjamins
Thx
Did the school ask you to separate or did your boys ask? The idea of them not in the same class gives me hives I can't really explain why. Mine aren't identical. Idk if that matters.

They have asked me to separate them and I have said no.  They do very well in school, are not disruptive and are happy.  The whole " they need to develop their own identities" is an antiquated and silly at best idea.  I think it is best to put them in an environment where they thrive and develop naturally instead of artificially breaking some sort of bond or trying to make them something they are not - which seems to be like a punishment and potentially harmful. 

There can be reasons to separate.  But I am a twin and was in class with my sister. We went to med school together! 

Schools differ.  You may have to demand it.  Our school has been very respectful of my wishes I must say.

[macchiatto]

Oct 1, 2014 9:36:21 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sept 30, 2014 10:20:58 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

@spenjamins
Thx
Did the school ask you to separate or did your boys ask? The idea of them not in the same class gives me hives I can't really explain why. Mine aren't identical. Idk if that matters.

They have asked me to separate them and I have said no.  They do very well in school, are not disruptive and are happy.  The whole " they need to develop their own identities" is an antiquated and silly at best idea.  I think it is best to put them in an environment where they thrive and develop naturally instead of artificially breaking some sort of bond or trying to make them something they are not - which seems to be like a punishment and potentially harmful. 

There can be reasons to separate.  But I am a twin and was in class with my sister. We went to med school together! 

Schools differ.  You may have to demand it.  Our school has been very respectful of my wishes I must say.

Well said!! I am so tired of people who have no idea what they're talking about throwing that line at me. It's great getting your perspective as an adult twin, too. I am glad that my boys' Kindergarten teacher is a twin and was in the same class with her twin sister for many years and said it worked well.

[cinnamoncox]

Oct 1, 2014 9:36:21 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sept 30, 2014 10:20:58 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

@spenjamins
Thx
Did the school ask you to separate or did your boys ask? The idea of them not in the same class gives me hives I can't really explain why. Mine aren't identical. Idk if that matters.

They have asked me to separate them and I have said no.  They do very well in school, are not disruptive and are happy.  The whole " they need to develop their own identities" is an antiquated and silly at best idea.  I think it is best to put them in an environment where they thrive and develop naturally instead of artificially breaking some sort of bond or trying to make them something they are not - which seems to be like a punishment and potentially harmful. 

There can be reasons to separate.  But I am a twin and was in class with my sister. We went to med school together! 

Schools differ.  You may have to demand it.  Our school has been very respectful of my wishes I must say.

Thank you. I hope they never mention it, the school. I will fight to keep them together, as long as that's what the girls want. They do very well together in 99.9% of the time, so I figure it'll hopefully stay that way.
That's so cool you went all the way through med school together.
I joke to my Dh that my girls will marry twins then live in a duplex

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2014 9:37:51 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Oct 1, 2014 9:36:21 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

They have asked me to separate them and I have said no.  They do very well in school, are not disruptive and are happy.  The whole " they need to develop their own identities" is an antiquated and silly at best idea.  I think it is best to put them in an environment where they thrive and develop naturally instead of artificially breaking some sort of bond or trying to make them something they are not - which seems to be like a punishment and potentially harmful. 

There can be reasons to separate.  But I am a twin and was in class with my sister. We went to med school together! 

Schools differ.  You may have to demand it.  Our school has been very respectful of my wishes I must say.

Thank you. I hope they never mention it, the school. I will fight to keep them together, as long as that's what the girls want. They do very well together in 99.9% of the time, so I figure it'll hopefully stay that way.
That's so cool you went all the way through med school together.
I joke to my Dh that my girls will marry twins then live in a duplex

Ha.  Well, my sister and I both married attorneys! We actually went to different colleges and decided on going to med school after we graduated. 

[ncteacher]

Sept 13, 2014 15:02:14 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Sept 13, 2014 10:28:53 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Mine are only four, but they are in their second (and last thank goodness) year of preschool. They're in the same class. As of now, my plan is to never separate them. When they are older if they ask to be separated (oh my heart ) I'll consider it, but the plan is to stay together.

Let me know if you face opposition.  I have some research. One of the reasons I became so involved in the kid's school.

I would like to know about your research. I am not a mom yet, but taking fertility drugs and twins run in my family. I check in every once in awhile to see what topics are being talked about. 

I have a twin in my class that I think would do better with his brother. Mom said they won't sleep without each other and they only time mine interacts with others is if twin is around( even though twin isn't part of the convo). In my area it's the norm to split twins up.

[miesl]

I plan on keeping mine together. They are very close, and I see no reason to forcefully split them if they do not want that.

[Deleted]

Oct 6, 2014 16:52:18 GMT -5 ncteacher said:

Sept 13, 2014 15:02:14 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

Let me know if you face opposition.  I have some research. One of the reasons I became so involved in the kid's school.

I would like to know about your research. I am not a mom yet, but taking fertility drugs and twins run in my family. I check in every once in awhile to see what topics are being talked about. 

I have a twin in my class that I think would do better with his brother. Mom said they won't sleep without each other and they only time mine interacts with others is if twin is around( even though twin isn't part of the convo). In my area it's the norm to split twins up.

I will get you some links!

[macchiatto]

@spenjamins, I'd love to see your links, too!

[Deleted]

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/twofold/201401/curious-twinsib-pairs-and-school-separation-0

csunshinetoday.csun.edu/education/study-by-csun-prof-challenges-practice-of-separating-twins-in-kindergarten/

multiples.about.com/cs/twinsinschool/a/twinsinschool.htm

issuu.com/twiniversity/docs/multiplicity_spring2013_single_/48

www.nytimes.com/2006/02/24/national/24twins.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&


www.twinsmagazine.com/schooldays/MJ01p20-23.pdf


www.twinslaw.com/Help_Theyre_Separating_My_Twins%21.html

eric.ed.gov/?q=Twin+placement

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/twofold/201107/twins-in-the-classroom

[Deleted]

So here is the skinny:

There is no research that shows twins do better when separated
Some studies show potential harm
There are always exceptions where twins would benefit - different academically, disruptive...
There is a move (which seems to have lost steam) to compel states to make twin placement a parental choice
Two researchers in CA promote choice and have most of the latest research: Segal and Gordon
Gordon has the most recent research questioning policies on separating twins

[laurenpetro]

When the boys were babies we were approached by a guy who wanted to look at them. He explained he was a father of full grown twins so we got to chatting. The advice he gave was not to split them up. He was an elementary school principal and said it was the single greatest thing we could do for ourselves as parents. The kids would be fine.

It's likely not to be an option for us as one of my boys is autistic and the other is NT (more or less, anyway) but if we'd had the option I would keep them together.

[macchiatto]

Thanks so much for the links, @spenjamins! I had done some initial research several years ago and found some of those (and have been spreading the word when I hear all the talk about separation being better for twins, period) but some of those I hadn't seen before!

[Deleted]

Oct 12, 2014 16:24:15 GMT -5 macchiatto said:

Thanks so much for the links, @spenjamins! I had done some initial research several years ago and found some of those (and have been spreading the word when I hear all the talk about separation being better for twins, period) but some of those I hadn't seen before!

Hey, send me any links I am missing.  Good to keep on file! 

[macchiatto]

This is my list; I compiled it back in 2011:

www.twinslist.org/school.htm

ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/poptopics/twins.html

www.bucksmontmoms.org/Research/schooltogether.pdf

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/twins-and-multiples/Pages/school-separation.aspx
I think this excerpt is especially interesting:
A recent survey conducted by Kings College London found that twins separated at the start of primary school had more emotional problems on average than twins who were kept together. This was particularly noticeable in identical twins.

I appreciate seeing England's recommendations:
www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/twins-at-school.aspx

[Deleted]

Awesome! Thanks!

[saverchic]

My boys are together in preschool. This is their second year of preschool, and they usually end up playing with other kids during the day. The teacher has told me she thinks it's "cool" that they are so independent. But, I know they watch out for each other too. That makes me happy. :-) They are in a small Catholic school, so there isn't an option to separate them.

[bluemonster]

@spenjamins what would you do if they say they want to be in different rooms? My girls will start K next year. They are currently in the same preschool class and their prek teacher said they'd be fine in a room together. All my research also points to doing K together. They however want separate rooms. I hate to completely ignore what they want as I try to take their feelings into account when I make decisions, but they are 5 and I'm not sure they truly understand what separate classrooms will mean.

[Deleted]

Oct 3, 2014 9:37:51 GMT -5 cinnamoncox said:

Oct 1, 2014 9:36:21 GMT -5 @spenjamins said:

They have asked me to separate them and I have said no.  They do very well in school, are not disruptive and are happy.  The whole " they need to develop their own identities" is an antiquated and silly at best idea.  I think it is best to put them in an environment where they thrive and develop naturally instead of artificially breaking some sort of bond or trying to make them something they are not - which seems to be like a punishment and potentially harmful. 

There can be reasons to separate.  But I am a twin and was in class with my sister. We went to med school together! 

Schools differ.  You may have to demand it.  Our school has been very respectful of my wishes I must say.

Thank you. I hope they never mention it, the school. I will fight to keep them together, as long as that's what the girls want. They do very well together in 99.9% of the time, so I figure it'll hopefully stay that way.
That's so cool you went all the way through med school together.
I joke to my Dh that my girls will marry twins then live in a duplex

I'm definitely late to the game on this one but I believe you are in MA cinnamoncox? I did some research while I was pregnant with the girls and there is a law in MA that schools must do what they can to accomodate the parent's request. Basically, they can't separate them just because they think they should be separated. So you definitely have that on your side!

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2014 10:53:32 GMT -5 bluemonster said:

@spenjamins what would you do if they say they want to be in different rooms? My girls will start K next year. They are currently in the same preschool class and their prek teacher said they'd be fine in a room together. All my research also points to doing K together. They however want separate rooms. I hate to completely ignore what they want as I try to take their feelings into account when I make decisions, but they are 5 and I'm not sure they truly understand what separate classrooms will mean.

Why do they want to split up?  Maybe there is a good reason?  I would have a hard time in kinder unless there were reasons.

[UnderProtest]

So my twins are the only ones that completely ignore each other in school? Granted they are three, but their teacher just said yesterday that if she didn't know better that she would never be able to tell that they are even related because of the way they don't spend any time together in class.