M is six weeks old. I'm not trying to be cruel or do CIO at this point, but can I let him cry for a few minutes if I'm pumping or something? I don't know how I'll ever get anything done if I run to soothe him the instant he starts crying. Showering is damn near impossible as it is because H is gone for 12+ hours every day and is exhausted when he gets home.
Post by Stingyshark on Sept 17, 2014 9:05:15 GMT -5
IMO, yes, you can let him cry for a few min. I mean, I wouldn't let it go on to long at that age, but so you can finish pumping, or stop pumping, then yes.
For showering, I used to put the RNP in the bathroom with me and shower. She would usually sleep or just "look around" at everything. We have a light right over the shower that is very dim, so I would only turn that one on, and play soft music while I showered. I took a lot of showers this way in those early weeks. Even now, i will sometimes put her in the fisher price play chair thing we have in the bathroom while I shower. Hang in there, it gets easier...eventually.
Post by purplecow0206 on Sept 17, 2014 9:07:12 GMT -5
At that point, if I needed to shower while it was just the two of us, I'd feed A, check her diaper, put her in the bouncer in the bathroom, and take my shower. I knew the immediate needs were taken care of, so if she was crying, I knew it wasn't for SOMETHING.
I let the second kid cry much more than I let DD cry. I'm not cruel or anything, but sometimes I really need to make sure DD's dinner is served before I sit down to nurse DS, etc.
Post by thebreakfastclub on Sept 17, 2014 9:09:27 GMT -5
After DS was fed, I put him in his crib every day to take a shower and get ready. He might cry for a minute or two, but he got used to it. Sometimes he would fall asleep, other times he would just be looking around.
You have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of him. It's like on a plane, you put your oxygen mask on first then help the kid. You have to take care of your basic needs!
Post by narockshard on Sept 17, 2014 9:14:22 GMT -5
As long as his basic needs are met, do what you have to do. The hardest part for me was not the worry that I was ruining J by letting her cry, but it was just annoying/frustrating when she was and it was hard to relax or think clearly enough to get things done. But I had to get over that to get things done occasionally!
As for showers, I try to take them right after she eats, then I put her in the bouncy seat right in the bathroom, lift the shower curtain part so she can see me, turn on the fan, and sometimes crank on the radio. She does awesome with all the white noise and sometimes even falls asleep.
Post by jeaniebueller on Sept 17, 2014 9:14:40 GMT -5
Yes, take a shower, go to the bathroom, do whatever! I actually found that DD would cry while I was in the shower, but the second I turned on my hair dryer to dry my hair, she would conk out (I would put her in the RNP in the bathroom). Also, when DD was a newborn, she would cry a lot when she was in the car. That was just how it was. I had to go to the store, drive DS places, etc. Nothing I could do about it, just turned up the radio.
From the very beginning my mom always told me that 'no baby has ever died because he cried for 15 minutes'. I just do why I have to get done while talking to him as he cries and then get back to him when I can. It's gotten easier as he's gotten older since he can entertain himself better now.
The baby's needs are obviously extremely important and they come first most of the time. M needs you. But you need you, too--you need to take care of yourself and it's OK for you to take 5-10 minutes for yourself when you need to during the day.
When mine were little I kept a spare bouncer in the bathroom and popped them in it when I needed to shower. I still put DD2 in the crib with some toys on crazy days when I don't get to shower before the kids are up.
Yes, take a shower, go to the bathroom, do whatever! I actually found that DD would cry while I was in the shower, but the second I turned on my hair dryer to dry my hair, she would conk out (I would put her in the RNP in the bathroom). Also, when DD was a newborn, she would cry a lot when she was in the car. That was just how it was. I had to go to the store, drive DS places, etc. Nothing I could do about it, just turned up the radio.
Oh man, it's only been a year and I have blocked this out already. DD2 did this too. Every single time we drove ANYWHERE she would scream her head off and I couldn't do anything about it, because we still needed groceries and DD1 still needed to be picked up from preschool. I felt totally okay letting her cry for 5-10 minutes at home because it was shorter in duration and less intense than a drive to the grocery store.
I always found it was physically painful for ME to let baby cry. (I nursed and so my boobs would ache real bad) I'm pregnant now and that happened to me the other day when i heard a newborn crying at the store. So, I always would nurse my son and then have me time. Then I knew he wasn't hungry and if he was crying he'd live through it, and my boobs didn't ache as badly. Ah, nature.
Yes, take a shower, go to the bathroom, do whatever! I actually found that DD would cry while I was in the shower, but the second I turned on my hair dryer to dry my hair, she would conk out (I would put her in the RNP in the bathroom). Also, when DD was a newborn, she would cry a lot when she was in the car. That was just how it was. I had to go to the store, drive DS places, etc. Nothing I could do about it, just turned up the radio.
Oh man, it's only been a year and I have blocked this out already. DD2 did this too. Every single time we drove ANYWHERE she would scream her head off and I couldn't do anything about it, because we still needed groceries and DD1 still needed to be picked up from preschool. I felt totally okay letting her cry for 5-10 minutes at home because it was shorter in duration and less intense than a drive to the grocery store.
I blocked this out too. I forgot that my son always cried in the car. I used to ride in the backseat if my DH was with me. Totally forgot. I too would turn up the radio if I was by myself and couldn't pull over.
Oh man, it's only been a year and I have blocked this out already. DD2 did this too. Every single time we drove ANYWHERE she would scream her head off and I couldn't do anything about it, because we still needed groceries and DD1 still needed to be picked up from preschool. I felt totally okay letting her cry for 5-10 minutes at home because it was shorter in duration and less intense than a drive to the grocery store.
I blocked this out too. I forgot that my son always cried in the car. I used to ride in the backseat if my DH was with me. Totally forgot. I too would turn up the radio if I was by myself and couldn't pull over.
I got a speeding ticket once because I was just trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible so she would SFTU. I didn't even think to check my speedometer in the school zone. (Remember that rbp? It was a couple months before you got yours.)
Thanks, ladies. I did finish pumping. Showering is still a bit of a production because I can't stand in the shower, so I'm going to wait until MIL gets here this afternoon and can hang out with M. Obviously I'll have to shower when we're home alone at some point, so I'll put the RNP in the bathroom and turn on the fan.
I blocked this out too. I forgot that my son always cried in the car. I used to ride in the backseat if my DH was with me. Totally forgot. I too would turn up the radio if I was by myself and couldn't pull over.
I got a speeding ticket once because I was just trying to get from point A to point B as quickly as possible so she would SFTU. I didn't even think to check my speedometer in the school zone. (Remember that rbp? It was a couple months before you got yours.)
Yes. You actually had a decent excuse! I was all "I didn't know it was a school zone!"
Post by speckledfrog on Sept 17, 2014 9:54:00 GMT -5
As PPs have said, yes, it's okay. This is how I unintentionally found out that DS2 could actually put himself to sleep. I was cooking dinner and it was something time sensitive that I had to stir and not stop. I had 6 minutes left when he started crying (had woken up from a nap) and at the 4 minute mark he stopped and settled himself back down. He was right about the same age as your DS.'
When I have to shower and he's sleeping I put the monitor in the bathroom with me, but turn the volume down. That way I can see if he's crying without having the stress of actually hearing him. I can only go so fast, even when I'm hurrying, and hearing him cry doesn't help.
Running water and blow dryers are white noise to an infant. DS sits in the bouncer while I shower, falls asleep, and then I put on my makeup and blow dry my hair. It works for us.
When I pump, I let him have some time with the kick n play beside me. Two birds, one stone.
I'm hoping he gets better at soothing himself soon. He was totally chill when I put him in the MamaRoo and started pumping. Then he started crying and didn't stop until I picked him up.
Post by shelbyann on Sept 17, 2014 10:01:17 GMT -5
Do what you need to do, he'll be fine for a few minutes.
DD hated the RNP but loved her playmat so I used to drag that into the bathroom and set it up on a couple of towels while I showered. She was usually content for at least a couple minutes.
It's fine to let him cry for a little bit. When DD was about that age, I would try to shower while she was taking her morning nap but I'd turn the sound down on the baby monitor so I couldn't hear her if she woke up started to cry. Those 10 minutes in the shower were usually my most peaceful time of the day!
Post by chickadee77 on Sept 17, 2014 11:08:14 GMT -5
Just echoing everyone else. I'll make sure immediate needs are met (fed, diaper) and set her in a safe place (RNP, PNP, etc) for a few minutes as needed. I figure at this age, *everything* is sensory stimulation, right? I'm planting the seeds for independent play!
Thanks teeah22. This is good advice! I was feeling frustrated because he had a really fussy day yesterday and I had a grand total of 50 minutes to do anything that didn't involve holding him. Then he surprised me by sleeping in the MamaRoo for 1.5 hours this morning! It was *magical.*
I let the second kid cry much more than I let DD cry. I'm not cruel or anything, but sometimes I really need to make sure DD's dinner is served before I sit down to nurse DS, etc.
So much this. Sometimes I wonder if DS is actually that much more fussy than DD or if I dealt with DDs every need more than I thought..ha.
I get stuff all the time done and let them cry. Not for hours or anything obviously...but for sure long enough to take a shower/switch laundry/unpack the dishwasher.
I'm alone for hours every day with the kids and stuff needs to happen in that time so we can function.
Sometimes five minutes of crying so I can do something makes the next 3 hours run that much smoother.
I let the second kid cry much more than I let DD cry. I'm not cruel or anything, but sometimes I really need to make sure DD's dinner is served before I sit down to nurse DS, etc.
I almost hate to admit how much this is true for me. But that is reality with 3 kids under 2 and 2 infants.
I had this same conversation with my friends when DS was brand new. I forget the exact situation, but I think it was something along the lines of crying while I'm in the shower, etc. I said I didn't want him to cry for too long because I was afraid he'd get dehydrated.
I'm hoping he gets better at soothing himself soon. He was totally chill when I put him in the MamaRoo and started pumping. Then he started crying and didn't stop until I picked him up.
I could never pump anywhere near DS. I EP'd and then combo fed so I pumped a lot. And it didn't matter if DS was out cold, if I pumped in the same room, he woke up immediately and cried that he was hungry, even if he'd just eaten. I honestly think he smelled the milk in his sleep. So you may find that he'll soothe himself easier if it's not when you're pumping. All babies are different of course. Those early weeks are so hard. And you've had so much to deal with. You'll find your groove. Until then - let him cry when you need to.