What do you do when you dislike a friends kid?

[regencygirl]

I've been friends with M since high school. We're complete opposites in a lot of ways, but it didn't seem to matter until we had kids. She's very into attachment parenting and gentle discipline. I'm by no means a beat the hell out of your kids person, I think I've maybe smacked my son twice and then felt guilty as all hell afterwards. I'm a lot stricter with my DS than she is with her kid.

I had M over today for a play date. They've never been here. Her kid opened my fridge and demanded different foods we had in there, opened my freezer and then started asking for my ice cream for a snack, opened my pantry and criticized my snack selection. He later went into my pantry, took a container of cereal out, and I have no idea how he did it, but he got the top off and cereal flew all over my floor. He then got pissed when I handed him a bowl and told him to clean it up. We took the kids in the pool, and he started freaking out that he wanted to be on the float my son was using. I told him we'd share, and switch floats in a little bit. He asked every 2 minutes when he could have the other float. When it was his turn on it, he stayed on for 6 seconds, then wanted the other float that my son was using. DS was playing with a toy, the kid demanded it then told my son "but I'm the guest!!!" I know my kid isn't the best at sharing and I have to make him share his toys sometimes, but this kids behavior seems excessive. Meanwhile, my friend is saying stuff like "Now J, you know you should ask before you do that. Don't go in their cabinets, and telling him to stop whining. If it were my kid, I'd have had him in a different room and talked about his behavior then told him any further misbehavior will lead to us leaving. This friend has also complained in the past that her kid gets picked on in school and the other kids make fun of him and call him a baby. I'm not saying the teasing is correct and I'd kill my kid if he participated in it, but I can see why the other kids don't like to play with J.

So what do you do when you get a text later saying, "hey thanks for having us, we need to get together again soon!!" I'd really like to reply, your kid is a hellion, mine hates him and it won't be happening. And I know if I say anything about his behavior, she'll freak out and stop talking to me because I've seen the way she's acted with other people. How do you tell someone I know my child isn't perfect and we have different views of raising kids, but your child isn't my cup of tea? I think in some way, she is aware of how bad her kid is, because she kept saying "now do you want to be asked back here to play again?" And please, flame me to hell if I'm being a crazy mom myself.

[hisno1girl]

I'd ignore the message and keep future GTGs child-free as in bars, late at night so she won't be tempted to bring her precious angel with her.

I had a friend who has two boys, and frankly, they're little assholes so I only meet her for lunch during the day or drinks at night when I know her kids are just about going to bed.

[Deleted]

None of this sounds like deal breaking behavior. It's not like he was violent towards your son or something. She corrected him as well, although it doesn't seem sufficient. I'd let it go.

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2012 18:43:02 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

I'd ignore the message and keep future GTGs child-free as in bars, late at night so she won't be tempted to bring her precious angel with her.

I had a friend who has two boys, and frankly, they're little assholes so I only meet her for lunch during the day or drinks at night when I know her kids are just about going to bed.

This is what I do.

[tulip]

I have a very close friend who has a child like this. We don't do things together that involve the kids. I just say to her, I want/need adult time. Which is true. I would NEVER tell her the truth. You will just have to juggle it, if you want to stay friends.

[Nicole]

I didnt read the OP minus the title. Look, all my friends kids are well behaved. So much so that if they are out of line, they don't get pissed when I tell their kids to chill when they are being really crazy and their parents aren't around. I would hope they would tell my kids to chill out if they were being wild too. I don't hang with people that have out of control children.

[eb777888]

Honestly, I have been around a kid like this and it's fucking exhausting. Everyone is so concentrated on that kid's needs that everyone else suffers for it. Me and the mom can't talk, none of the kids are having a good time- the kid just takes over. No thanks. That's a dealbreaker for me.

[Deleted]

If you have to gtg, go somewhere where the kids can run. A playground, bouncy house, etc. Then your kid can get away if needed and not be confined by the four walls of the house. He may feel more peer pressure to be nice with more kids around. Usually the annoying kid whips himself into shape or he is left to play alone.

[peachykate]

That is so hard, I go with His' idea.

I have a friend with a child like this and truthfully we rarely see each other anymore. Her child is out of control and she is out of control in dealing with him, the amount of yelling that goes on is mind blowing. I could almost deal with him if she wasn't yelling at him every single second. It is so ineffective. Anyway, I am not going to flame you.

[Jermys]

I have a friend whose older kid was Edith's best buddy for a long time. Then she had a daughter and the daughter was hell on wheels. We haven't seen them in about a year. I just can't stand that kid. Thankfully, school makes it hard to get together.

[cheesierthanchedda]

We have a friend with a kid like this. He's 6 and his mom asked my H to escort him to the bathroom once. Kid was acting sweet and normal. H said when the got into the men's room, the kid started SCREAMING at him to "TAKE MY PANTS OFF FOR ME!!! UNZIP THEM!!" :-| :-|

Obviously, mom wouldn't have sent H in there if the kid wasn't able to take care of himself. Kid was just seeing what he could get away with. H said there was no way in HELL he was touching any part of that kid's pants. Kid eventually relented and did it himself.

[regencygirl]

She doesn't yell. She either doesn't do anything, or says stuff like "now J, you know that's not nice." I got sick of him and started telling him to knock it off. She doesn't seem to care about other people yelling at her kid, but it shouldn't be my job to yell at her kid. I guess I'm going to have to try to keep further interaction with her adult only. Her kid doesn't have many friends though, so when it seems like any time I suggest getting together she wants the kids to come too. Her son apparently loves my kid.

I'd hate to lose her as a friend but it seems like that's what is coming.

[frauschmindy]

I tried being firm with my niece when she came over (for things like breaking my kitchen timer, ripping MH's shirt, hitting my dog and taking away her toys) and my sister flipped because she is "her child" and I'm "not her mother!!!"

She doesn't get to come over anymore.

[regencygirl]

DS is six and a half, her son just turned 6 last week.

[regencygirl]

When told J was coming over, DS ran out of the room screaming "no, I hate him." DS knows though that when we go places (up until now most of our get togethers have been kids parties at BounceU or other kid friendly places) and he's there he has to be polite and play nicely. He hasn't said anything out loud in front of J or J's mom yet, but he has made comments in the past to me about J being annoying. I figured it was him being a kid and not wanting to share or something equally silly. Now I feel bad that I've stuck my kid with J all this time.

[adhdfashion]

I wouldn't say much of anything. Yeah it was fun! Hmm yeah sure I'll call you. And never call her for a play date.
I have kid raising problem with my BFF. She is a total helicopter parent. My normally totally chill friend is now a total sico. Kids do weird things to people.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

All I can say is, don't make your son hang out with this kid if he doesn't like him. That sucks. Obviously my mom did this with me, right?

[Deleted]

Jul 26, 2012 18:56:55 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jul 26, 2012 18:43:13 GMT -5 @stellasmom said:

None of this sounds like deal breaking behavior. It's not like he was violent towards your son or something. She corrected him as well, although it doesn't seem sufficient. I'd let it go.

Really? Violence isn't the only behavior that can be a deal breaker.

I meant that she shouldn't tell her friend that her kid sucks and break up with her or something. I definitely wouldn't be inviting the kid over to my house again.

I think the PP that suggested sticking to venues with lots of other kids had a good idea.

[eb777888]

Jul 26, 2012 20:51:06 GMT -5 NewOrleans said:

Omg, this is me and my oldest friend. She has twin 5 y.o. Boys who came over yesterday. One said, "I want a snackie!" and opened e pantry to poke through it. I pulled out a snack, and he told me, "No, I want ham!" (my 2 y.o. was finishing her lunch, which he spotted). They TRASHED the playroom, pulling cushions off the couch. One time at a party, they told my husband they would punch him in the penis when he tried to show them how to use the cheese grater. They have also knocked my then 18-month old off a ride-on toy so they could have it. She tells them "Now (kid), no. You listen" kind of stuff. They talk back and then she drops it. She doesn't enforce what she says. I try to only go out with her instead of with kids, go to her house so I don't feel insulted by their rudeness or deal with their mess, or go to a play-type location where they will run around and stay away. Hr kids are douches. My 4 y.o. is a jerk too, but he restricts it to me, mostly, and he gets disciplined when he does it.

omg. I'm such a child but I'm totally lol'ing at threatening to punch your H in the penis while he tries to show them how to use a cheese grater. Holy shit, dude.