please don't feel the need to

[lilles]

Bring gifts. I hate invitations that say this. Just got on for a party for DD2's classmates
I don't feel the need to bring them gifts but would like to. What if everyone else brings gifts and we don't? I never know what to do in these situations.

[hermione]

Bring a book and be done with it.

[Pilsy]

Sept 27, 2014 15:58:23 GMT -5 hermione said:

Bring a book and be done with it.

Great idea.  

“Please don’t feel the need” is even worse than “don’t.”  Ugh.  But yeah, a book is perfect.  Still a gift, but not a piece-of-junk toy, and available in an array of price points.  

[ECB]

Who cares what others do? Trust me, they aren't paying attention to you! And really, the hosts will probably be happy that you didn't bring something.

I personally listen to the hosts. This is the one thing I HATE about having a party for Ds. All the damn gifts.

[Jalapeñomel]

Sept 27, 2014 16:05:12 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

Sept 27, 2014 15:58:23 GMT -5 hermione said:

Bring a book and be done with it.

Great idea.  

“Please don’t feel the need” is even worse than “don’t.”  Ugh.  But yeah, a book is perfect.  Still a gift, but not a piece-of-junk toy, and available in an array of price points.  

Wait there is something wrong with saying don't bring gifts?

[hermione]

Sept 27, 2014 16:20:16 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Sept 27, 2014 16:05:12 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

Great idea.  

“Please don’t feel the need” is even worse than “don’t.”  Ugh.  But yeah, a book is perfect.  Still a gift, but not a piece-of-junk toy, and available in an array of price points.  

Wait there is something wrong with saying don't being gifts?

I know the etiquette gurus say it's wrong because you should never assume someone owes you a gift.

I have no problem with it and will gladly follow those instructions. However, with the OP's wording I'd bring a book because it's a bit ambiguous and it just seems easier to me.

[Jalapeñomel]

Sept 27, 2014 16:24:14 GMT -5 hermione said:

Sept 27, 2014 16:20:16 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Wait there is something wrong with saying don't being gifts?

I know the etiquette gurus say it's wrong because you should never assume someone owes you a gift.

I have no problem with it and will gladly follow those instructions. However, with the OP's wording I'd bring a book because it's a bit ambiguous and it just seems easier to me.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't!

Books are always a good gift!

[pinkpinot]

We got invited to a party that said no gifts but I didn't want to show up empty handed because what if everyone else brings a gift?! So I brought a book and sure enough every freaking person brought a gift so I was very relieved to have had something to give the birthday girl.

[Pilsy]

Sept 27, 2014 16:20:16 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Sept 27, 2014 16:05:12 GMT -5 Pilsy said:

Great idea.  

“Please don’t feel the need” is even worse than “don’t.”  Ugh.  But yeah, a book is perfect.  Still a gift, but not a piece-of-junk toy, and available in an array of price points.  

Wait there is something wrong with saying don't bring gifts?

I think people still feel weird not bringing a gift and there's the fact that you technically shouldn't assume they would.

But what I really meant had a lot less to do with that (I can see the appeal of including that message!) and more to do with the ambiguity of "please don't feel the need." I feel like that's all loosey goosey!

[lg28]

Sept 27, 2014 17:12:22 GMT -5 pinkpinot said:

We got invited to a party that said no gifts but I didn't want to show up empty handed because what if everyone else brings a gift?! So I brought a book and sure enough every freaking person brought a gift so I was very relieved to have had something to give the birthday girl.

This is me exactly!

[matildasun]

If I am told not to bring a gift I don't, but I do have my kids make a card.

[lurknomore]

We got a "gifts optional" earlier this summer. Nice. And for the record...I did. Dug something out of my attic closet that my older DD was gifted a few years ago that I stuck up there bc I knew we'd never use it.

[Deleted]

I tried telling people not to bring gifts this year in the nicest way I could think of. I said he has 2 working parents and is he only grandchild so has more than he will ever need. I was adamant about not opening gifts but nearly everyone brought one. Oh well, lesson learned

[my4girls]

I would like to put "no gifts please" on dd4s 1st birthday invites going out in a week or so. Is this really a no no?

[karinothing]

I love this. Everyone we know does it. I have been to like ten toddler birthday parties in the past two months. Saves me money

Eta: no one brings gifts in my circle

[karinothing]

Sept 27, 2014 18:59:30 GMT -5 my4girls said:

I would like to put "no gifts please" on dd4s 1st birthday invites going out in a week or so. Is this really a no no?

We do this. It is fine imo

[sjh722]

Sept 27, 2014 17:12:22 GMT -5 pinkpinot said:

We got invited to a party that said no gifts but I didn't want to show up empty handed because what if everyone else brings a gift?! So I brought a book and sure enough every freaking person brought a gift so I was very relieved to have had something to give the birthday girl.

This is me too, LOL.

[shell24]

They wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it. Seriously.

I did this for DD2's bday, but it was only family and she was turning 1 and is the 3rd child lol. She needs NOTHING . I knew people would respect it and not feel awkward doing so.

[shell24]

Sept 27, 2014 18:59:30 GMT -5 my4girls said:

I would like to put "no gifts please" on dd4s 1st birthday invites going out in a week or so. Is this really a no no?

I did it for my 3rd. Totally acceptable IMO.

[MamaMaui24]

Don't take anything. Who cares what other people do, you're following the hosts' request.

[mrshandy]

I love no gift parties! DS went to one yesterday. It was great! I will happily listen to anyone that indicates no gifts.

[ktw]

My friend just had her son's third birthday party. In lieu of gifts for the bday boy, she asked everyone to bring one wrapped puzzle (her son loves puzzles). She had her so pass out one puzzle to each kid (he chose who got which one) and the kids took them home. Her son got one puzzle to keep, as well. I thought it was a great idea!

[ringstrue]

We said no gifts and we got a bottle of wine, lol. I think just a card is also fine.

[Jalapeñomel]

I don't think you should feel bad about coming empty handed if the invite says no gifts. I bet the host would be irritated at the people who brought gifts!

[stealthmom]

Honestly, I think it's kind of silly to expect people not to bring gifts to a kid's birthday party. It's a gift giving occasion! I don't even come empty handed to an adult birthday party.  And I say this as a person who asked for no gifts for my son's first birthday and NO ONE, not a single person listened to me. And it's totally understandable b/c I would never go empty handed to a birthday party either.


I think the trick would be to invite people to a party w/o calling it a birthday party on the invites.  Then just surprise everyone with cake.  LOL.