Addict brother

[whereintheworld]

Hi.

Dipping my toe in on this board.

23 year old brother has been using/abusing alcohol and drugs for about a decade. Has gotten a lot worse in the past 1-2 years.  My parents finally kicked him out 2 years ago after many many MANY stints in rehab where he would be back to the same lifestyle within days.  Last October he had 2 heroin overdoses and suicide attempts.

He is now homeless. Sleeps in church basements and dumpster dives for food.  He is very depressed and suicidal.
My parents hadn't heard from him for 9 days which is longer than usual. He usually calls them in distress in the middle of the night, they pick him up and take him to the emergency room at the addictions hospital but they can't force him to stay there if he won't agree to treatment (which he won't, at this point).

My mom suggested that I reach him on Facebook if I wanted to talk to him. He goes to the library to use the computer sometimes. We haven't talked in 18 months and were never close. I sent a message on Saturday and didn't expect to hear back but he did message me today.  He said he doesn't want to be around, he hates the world and the people in it, he doesn't want my kids to know about him, we would all be better off if he was gone.

I reiterated that help and resources are available to him when he is ready and that we all want to see him happy and healthy.

I don't know what else to do. My parents do not enable him and they are a soft spot for him to land IF he is ready to be clean.  I feel like we're all doing and saying the "right" things but he just doesn't care. He is very depressed.  Mental illness and addiction are so scary.

[spedrunner]

you can not do anythign else. You can tell him about getting help, you can not make him get help. He needs to realize this someway on his own, that is they only way he will ever recover. You have to let go that it is your fault and that you can save him. Youc an be there for him IF he chooses to get help and just make that clear to him

xoxo

hang in there, its tough. My father was an addict and I was married to two....

[btay]

((())) The hardest part of loving an addict is accepting the fact that even when we do all the right things (which it sounds like you are) it still doesn't fix them. All you can do is focus on keeping yourself as healthy as possible and praying that he accepts help soon. I would suggest Al Anon for you and your parents for sure to make sure and post here whenever you need, we are here for you.

[malibu]

One of the huge things I learned about addiction and addicts is the three C's - you can't Control, Cause, or Cure and addict's need for their drug(s). They have to hit rock bottom on their own. Agree with btay - I think Al Anon for you, and especially your parents, may be in order. It does sound like you're doing all the right things/saying the right things, but until he's ready on his own, you can't force him; even if you could or have, it's still up to him to accept the responsibility and work through getting past his addiction.