Post by imojoebunny on Sept 30, 2014 22:05:52 GMT -5
If this is recent, like since his brothers troubles, I would ask him to change and see how that goes. Maybe offer to help him join a gym or facilitate some other non drinking activity he is interested in.
If he has been drinking and not regularly coherent for a while, I would talk to someone at Alanon, or other such group about proven strategies to help.
If he is not getting breaks from your child regularly, it might be worth trying that, if this is a recent development.
Post by badgergrl on Sept 30, 2014 22:07:49 GMT -5
Please don't leave your child with him while drunk. I had alcoholic parents growing up, and I can still member the sheer fear of seeing a parent drunk. It is truly terrifying to a kid. I am so sorry you are in this situation. I have no concrete advice as neither of my parents reformed.
Huge hugs to you!!!! I second the advice that you go to therapy or Al Anon yourself. Alcoholic loved ones go hand in hand with codependency. Therapy will help you process feelings that you didn't even know you had. Please evaluate the care that your children are getting with DH. Keeping them safe is more important than anything else.
Do you have family in the area? Maybe your kids could have a fun "weekend away" while you and you H sit down and figure a few things out. This way your kids don't have to be there when you try and talk to your H.
Al Anon for support and individual counseling for you so you can be OK with the choices you have to make to live your best life and protect your chiildren. You can't change his behavior- only what you are willing to tolerate.
I wish I could hug you--what a hard thing to deal with. Ditto the suggestions on al anon. Having a support system is key, whether it's family, friends, a support group, online group, or an in an ideal world, many/all of the above. Easier said than done, but it will make a huge difference.
Thinking of you. We're here if you need a sounding board.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Oct 1, 2014 14:20:33 GMT -5
hugs - first off
I could have written this 2 years ago - that's when stbxh's drinking was at it worst and it was the almost endpoint of his downward spiral. he was drinking a 5th of vodka everyday or if it was a good day - it'd last TWO days and the days he wasn't drinking vodka it'd be a 12 pack of beer - DAILY ! he had to deal with ALOT of personal and professional issues at once compounded my a medical one that restricted his ability to work. like your h, he became a defacto SAHD and I won't lie - his psyche took a major hit. he went from being able to support his family (granted I was working FT too but he earned 2-3 times what I did) to NOT and he felt like less of a man and that really bothered him. at first dd was in daycare full time then we cut back to 2 days/week bc we simply couldn't afford FT care anymore. I don't know about your h but mine did NOT pick up the house or run errands or make dinner. when I came home I had to do ALL of that too .... I was stressed, he was stressed and he was drinking to combat the stress. our house was VERY unpleasant when he'd get drunk - I liked to think that he waited until I got home the days he had dd to drink but it wouldn't have shocked me if he had made a beer run or 2 to the local 7-11 down the street for one while dd napped - just couldn't deal w/ him and shut down completely basically ignoring him. you can't reason w/ a perpetual drunk.
i left him a year ago, not over the drinking, but one night of drinking lead to a relapse on his long dormant (15 years of sobriety *POOF*) meth addiction. i hope that your h DOES turn it around ... for me, it was suggested that i start attending al-anon meetings and those meetings have been a godsend at getting me back on my feet. while some people DO leave their spouses or separate from them while they get help, there are others who manage to make it work (recovery) so i would explore those avenues.
Do you have anyone in your area who can help you? A friend, family, anyone? I would get the kids out of the house and have a come to Jesus talk. Figure out what your tipping point is and what you are willing to do about it.
For me, you would be already there. I would say no more drinking, no more alcohol in the house. This happens again and you and the kids will leave and go to (parents, friends, etc) or you will ask that he leave the house for good.
I just wanted to say again how very very very sorry I am that you are in this spot. I lost my dad to alcoholism and it surely ruined my childhood.