It's been a week

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I'm with Evelyn on this. It's very common for practicing alcoholics to try to "white knuckle" it by changing drinking habits. This is discussed at length in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

"Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums -- we could increase the list ad infinitum."

[arch01]

I'm glad it's been a week-and still encourage you to continue pushing for a therapist. I'm with you on the chewing though...DH picked that up this summer. Blech.

[pinkdutchtulips]

my xh picked up chewing when he quit weed and painkillers ... omg gross !

**I also told his brother what happened, and while his brother is not a great role model or poster child for alcohol control in anyway, he actually gave him a good old older brother to younger brother talking to, that I think hit home with DH.

Of course DH got mad at me for telling his brother, but when I explained that I felt like I needed back-up in this situation and that it was unfair of me to have to hide this and shoulder all of this on my own, he accepted my apology and said he understood.**

you're lucky that your h understood - mine flew into a FLYING RAGE if I dared to speak to ANYONE about his alcoholism - there were times I wanted to get his family involved but nope.

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It may be he's wired as an alcoholic too based on what you've told me about his family. Genetics is a HUGE factor with alcoholism.

In the Big Book it talks about if a person thinks they are NOT an alcoholic, they should try some regulated drinking: "We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

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And as far as any tips about getting him to at least consider it: it's completely up to him to make the decision.

I can share my story on how I at least started the road to recovery (it took several years): My ex-h (we weren't married then) nagged me ALL THE TIME about my drinking, and I resented him for it. He was always threatening me with taking away my kids, etc., etc., but then he would relent time and time again. He was enabling me, of course, but I didn't realize it at the time. Anyway, one day he went to a client's home and there was AA literature lying all over her home. He talked to her about me and when he came home he DEMANDED I call this woman. Of course, I friggin' did not want to, but I did eventually, and she took me to my first meeting eventually.

The moral of the story is that this is the same outline that is used in the Big Book in the chapter of "To The Wives". If you're curious about the Big Book, I suggest you purchase a copy of it. : )

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That's great that your DH has gone a week without drinking. Only he can decide if he is an alcoholic. However, based on your description, it definitely sounds like he has a serious problem.

The interesting thing about "normies" (normal people) is they don't have to concern themselves with controlling their drinking, cutting back on their intake, etc. They can take it or leave it.  Only an alcoholic is faced with the whipsaw of "enjoy" vs "control".

The Big Book states The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. As alcoholics, we cannot enjoy our drinking if we are trying to control it. And if we are out of control with our drinking, we get no enjoyment.  See the dilemma there?  Although I'm sure your BIL thought he was being helpful by giving your DH a talking to, that really won't touch addiction.  There was nothing anyone was going to say to make me quit until I was ready to be done. 

The fact that your DH has substituted another addictive substance, chew, for his alcohol doesn't bode well, either.  He might as well obsessively eat or gamble or whatever.  The chew is a dangerous substitute for alcohol. 

Have you tried Al-Anon?  You would find the support and education really helpful.  I'd certainly recommend it. 

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One other thought. An alcoholic who wishes to continue drinking will lie to therapists and counselors. If you insist on the counseling route, then at least try someone with Certified Addiction Counselor credentialing. Usually called CAC.

[SwimDeep]

I'm happy he made it through a week, and I don't want to stress you out - but I do want to share my experience.

My H and I would go a week without drinking, think we were doing pretty good, and then go right back to the bottle(s). When we stopped drinking together and H started AA, I noticed a profound difference in him from week to week. Weeks 3-4 were the worst. I have multiple journal entries where I note his ragings. After a few of these experiences, I realized that hangovers can last a lot longer than one or two days.

It's been almost five months now since my H stopped drinking and started working the program. I am wonderfully confounded by the change in him...and so confused.

I hope your H will eventually be open to counseling. In the mean time, SUGAR! I cannot stress it enough
What's his favorite candy? Skittles? Sour Patch Kids?
Sugar will help him through the cravings!