Is it just me?

[honeybadger]

Or is the last few days before having to part ways the absolute worst?

Tensions are just high. I'm ready to just get the so called show on the road so this awful feeling of anticipation is gone.

[sookie]

It's not just you. I always feel so terrible the days before because I just want to shove him out the front door and get it going, but at the same time I'm "not ready". Thinking of you!

[prettyinpink]

Thinking of you.

[NomadicMama]

Honestly, I think that the last few days are of the worst. The 35 hours before my DH left, all I could do was cry. I was a mess and it was awful. I did not want him to go, but because he had to, I just wanted it to be over.

Because of his report time (something like 4:00am), we decided that he would drive our (only) vehicle to post himself and LO and I took the train and bus later in morning to retrieve it. Saying goodbye in the dark made it easier. We both cried, but neither could see how hard. We shared a few quiet moments, then he was gone.

I get that the report time is based on MANY different factors, none of which include the needs of the family. I'm not judging others, but we were not about to drag our almost three year old out of his cozy bed, in the middle of the night, to see his father off. The first couple of days of a deployment are tough enough, we didn't need to add sleep deprivation and a screwed up schedule to the mix.

I hope that you are able to get through the remaining days with as much grace as possible, and that the year apart goes quickly. Thinking of you.

[Jam]

Same. Sads. Thinking of you

[softspot]

Nope, not just you. The back & forth between wanting it get it over with then feeling bad for wanting that sucks. Big time. Hang in there love.

[imhischeeseburger]

Not just you. DH just recently deployed and by the time he actually left I was so ready for him to be gone. It probably had a lot to do with him leaving and then him coming back the next day because their plane broke down. They didn't end up getting another flight until a week later. I was SOOO done by then. The second time we said goodbye I didn't even cry.

[mom2many2012]

Not just you. And we have only been apart for training. Word came down about our first D. Just knowing it looms there is making me ill.

[honeybadger]

I'm glad it isn't just me. Thank you for all of the thoughts, girls.

[MrsAggie]

IMO, the time before they leave is the worst part of the entire deployment. I was a wreck before our last deployment. After he left, I cried and then could get on with my life.

[honeybadger]

This isn't a deployment, it is a year long unaccompanied tour. We are still trying to decide how to handle the departure day. I just don't want to put DS through waiting around at the airport but I also feel bad leaving H at the airport to wait. I kind of want to say good bye at the car and go take DS to Lake Michigan for the rest of the day/night.

Last year when H went to Guam we waited all.day. on the flightline as times changed and changed and changed. It was a million degrees outside and by the time they left, in the evening, we were all emotionally spent and it resulted in a week of shitty sleeps for DS while we were on vacation in Florida. Leaving late that night for vacation was also another huge mistake.

[NomadicMama]

Jul 29, 2012 16:46:08 GMT -5 honeybadger said:

This isn't a deployment, it is a year long unaccompanied tour. We are still trying to decide how to handle the departure day. I just don't want to put DS through waiting around at the airport but I also feel bad leaving H at the airport to wait. I kind of want to say good bye at the car and go take DS to Lake Michigan for the rest of the day/night.

Last year when H went to Guam we waited all.day. on the flightline as times changed and changed and changed. It was a million degrees outside and by the time they left, in the evening, we were all emotionally spent and it resulted in a week of shitty sleeps for DS while we were on vacation in Florida. Leaving late that night for vacation was also another huge mistake.

What does your DH want? Mine prefers being dropped off at the curb. If I had pushed the issue, I/we could have taken him this most recent time, but he preferred driving himself. In his mind, he was half way there already. Having us hanging out would have been miserable. I saw pictures of a friend's kids taken at the send-off ceremony. They were miserable. The airport is different, but if he's willing to be dropped off, or to say your "see you soon"s after he check's his bags, do it and don't feel badly. We spend a lot of energy thinking about our loved one who is going away, but we don't always spend as much time thinking about what is good for us and our child(ren).

Take my advice with a grain of salt. I said my "see you soon"s in the dark, in bed (not *that* way!). I vote for finding what works best for YOUR family--and that includes you and your DS.

[honeybadger]

H says that he is comfortable with whatever feels best to me. Neither of us is entirely comfortable doing good byes in the airport, with an audience. I really just don't want to cry around DS because he has been super awesome about this whole thing. We've explained the year as best as we can (one Halloween, One Thanksgiving, Birthday, Christmas, Easter, a school year, etc) and he is really pumped about what comes after H gets back. So I don't want to ruin his super great attitude by falling apart. I feel like a swift goodbye is the only way I am going to be able to move through the day.

I even thought about DS and H saying goodbye the night before, him staying the night with my parents and H and I going to a hotel near the airport for the night and dropping him off curbside. Then I have the ride home (about an hour) to myself to cry or whatever and go about the day as usual with DS when I get back. Is that cold?

[NomadicMama]

I don't think it's cold. Heck, my DS, who was almost three at the time, didn't say good night/bye to DH because he was screwing around. DH tried, but knew not to push it. I think that having him stay with your folks is a good plan, if it works for you guys. It gives you time with DH before he goes, but it also allows you time for an ugly cry before picking up DS. Honestly, that's what I would do, if I were in your shoes. Good luck.

And, while he may not be deployed, it still sucks that he'll be gone for a year. Situationally single parenting is hard. We're here for you!

[ilovelamp]

I'm sorry hugs

[honeybadger]

Jul 29, 2012 17:09:11 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

I don't think it's cold. Heck, my DS, who was almost three at the time, didn't say good night/bye to DH because he was screwing around. DH tried, but knew not to push it. I think that having him stay with your folks is a good plan, if it works for you guys. It gives you time with DH before he goes, but it also allows you time for an ugly cry before picking up DS. Honestly, that's what I would do, if I were in your shoes. Good luck.

And, while he may not be deployed, it still sucks that he'll be gone for a year. Situationally single parenting is hard. We're here for you!

Thank you for the input! It really is reassuring.

I've been getting a lot of "feedback" from family about how we shouldn't deprive DS of a proper goodbye blah blah blah. I think they just have these ideas in their head of "tv style" goodbyes and welcome homes. By me not wanting to have an audience and a big tearful goodbye inside a terminal, they think I am avoiding the fact that he is leaving. LOL. As if it can be avoided. Oh, people.

[prettyinpink]

I think leave I with your parents the night before is a great idea. It will give you and your H alone time before he leaves will give you ugly cry time on the way home.

E's only deployment was the day of my last final for my junior year of college. We had said our see you soons when he was home for Thanksgiving, but my IL's made it terribly drawn out for me. We drove to Sac, had lunch, took E to the airport. I really just wanted to say goodbye at baggage check in but MIL made a stink about him leaving to go back to SD and that he was deploying soon after so we ended up getting to say see you later at the terminal. I cried all the way home. I didn't want anyone with me, period.

So my advise is to do what makes you happy.

[honeybadger]

Jul 29, 2012 17:43:54 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

I think leave I with your parents the night before is a great idea. It will give you and your H alone time before he leaves will give you ugly cry time on the way home.

E's only deployment was the day of my last final for my junior year of college. We had said our see you soons when he was home for Thanksgiving, but my IL's made it terribly drawn out for me. We drove to Sac, had lunch, took E to the airport. I really just wanted to say goodbye at baggage check in but MIL made a stink about him leaving to go back to SD and that he was deploying soon after so we ended up getting to say see you later at the terminal. I cried all the way home. I didn't want anyone with me, period.

So my advise is to do what makes you happy.

This is why we told H's family "Sorry, but, no." to their requests of coming to the airport for goodbyes. They are also requesting that we stop by the night before or the morning of for another set of goodbyes. Wtf, no. We don't want or need this to be drawn out every day. I don't understand some people.

I'm sorry you had to go through a day of that WITH other people around watching you go through it. An audience would be the worst. Period.

[bettydraper]

Big hugs

[softspot]

I think leaving IJC with your fam is a great idea. That will probably help take him mind off it too since he'll be occupied with a sleepover.