@ when to let kids pee alone?

[MrsAxilla]

Yesterday at lunch, Ben (almost 5) asked me to let him go into the men's room alone (while I waited outside). He told me he doesn't want to go into the ladies room anymore, he's big enough to go in by himself, or daddy should take him from now on. Is this ok at age 5? I suppose it will depend on where we are, but the bathroom at Sweet Tomatoes should be safe enough, right? Once is start this, there's no going back..

[Deleted]

for me it depends on the location.

Mall bathroom no way in hell. Maybe when they are 18.

Bathroom at McDonalds or our community pool? I'm fine with although McDonald's I'll stand outside the door while the community pool I don't move from my chair

[heightsyankee]

This is a tough one for me. There was a boy sexually molested at a public library in a bathroom stall last year. He was 6. The older brother went in after and caught the guy raping his little brother. Fucked up.

Anyway, if it's a place where it's just one room and I can see the door, I let Truitt (also 5) go all by himself. If it's stalls, I wait outside if I think the restroom is pretty empty or I make him go with me in to the women's room. I think because I trust him to go at certain times, that he understands when I tell him no that there is a reason.

[thumper55]

My DS has asked me to go alone but I won't let him yet. I've heard a handful of violent or molestation stories. It's unlikely to happen, but I'd rather be cautious.

[Michelle]

If Daddy can take him and your kid is asking for that, he should. When it is just you and your son I think it's a judgment call but the pp's reasoning seems well enough.

[MrsAxilla]

Jul 29, 2012 15:39:16 GMT -5 Michelle said:

If Daddy can take him and your kid is asking for that, he should. When it is just you and your son I think it's a judgment call but the pp's reasoning seems well enough.

I told DH I was officially off bathroom duty. He was none too pleased!

[summer]

Jul 29, 2012 15:21:39 GMT -5 heightsyankee said:

This is a tough one for me. There was a boy sexually molested at a public library in a bathroom stall last year. He was 6. The older brother went in after and caught the guy raping his little brother. Fucked up.

After reading that, now I want to say "Never ever". That is so horrible! Please tell me the pedo got arrested.

[laurenpetro]

i let grace go by herself in 1 place where we go all the time where i can see everything and it's a single-person bathroom. other than that, no dice.

it's been a really long time since DH brought her to the men's room. that stopped around 4 (she's 6.5 now).

[MixedBerryJam]

I don't remember exactly how old my kids were when they started wanting to go into the men's room alone, but given that my older son wanted to shake hands goodby when I dropped him off at first grade (as opposed to me kissing him goodbye) I'm thinking it was probably around 5 or 6. My solution was to let him go into the mens room and I, quite literally, stood at the door with my foot holding it open, until he was done. (Bonus was that this way I knew he washed his hands, too.) I'd explain to men coming in that my x-yo was in there, and never had a man question it or complain.

[mrswizard]

So horrible. There was a pervert last year who molested a girl (her father was waiting outside) at our local mall. They think he was going to try and abduct her too. They have him on a security camera buying girl's clothes etc. He got away.

I completely understand when Mothers bring their older boys into the girls' room - and my DH is at a loss of what to do when he has them out by himself. This doesn't happen very often... and if anyone knows what he should do - please advise. For now - I think he has to bring them with him into the Men's room with him and have them close their eyes.

Good Luck with your son - I'm sure he'll understand some day and be appreciative of your concern for his safety.

[Deleted]

FWIW it seems almost everywhere except restuarants now have family bathrooms (airports, mall, etc)

[mrswizard]

Re: FWIW it seems almost everywhere except restuarants now have family bathrooms (airports, mall, etc)

I wish ours did...

Read more: pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=37800#ixzz223irzKwL

[heightsyankee]

Jul 29, 2012 15:51:25 GMT -5 summer said:

Jul 29, 2012 15:21:39 GMT -5 heightsyankee said:

This is a tough one for me. There was a boy sexually molested at a public library in a bathroom stall last year. He was 6. The older brother went in after and caught the guy raping his little brother. Fucked up.

After reading that, now I want to say "Never ever". That is so horrible! Please tell me the pedo got arrested.

He did! Creep was trolling the kids' section at the library. Followed the little boy in and the brother totally busted him, ran out screaming. The whole city was a little shaken. THe library is somewhere you feel you can bring your kids and let them be autonomous. Not anymore.

[Deleted]

I don't know. My dd is 6 and there is no way I'd let her go alone. Dh still takes her into the men's room when it's just the two of them.

[GailGoldie]

my older son is 5 and has never gone alone - but he's never asked either. It would totally depend on the place.

the other day i was with a group of friends at panera and one of the 4yo girls asked to go and her parents were going to let her go alone... i was so glad that she didn't want to --- b/c it just made me so nervous -- and later when I went to the restroom there and saw that the bathroom was around the corner that had an emergency exit right next to it - FREAKED me out that she could have gone back there and someone taken her outside and it would have been a while before anyone knew...

so now i'm even more freaky about sending my kids alone - unless i totally know the place and what's around the bathroom, etc.

[Jermys]

Edith goes by herself and I stand right outside the door if it's a one seater. If it's more than one, I go in with her.

[msmerymac]

I saw a kid who was at least 8, if not older, in the women's rest room on Saturday. But we were in a movie theater in Hollywood, which can be a little sketchy, even though we were at a kiddie movie. And although at first I almost did a double take with a kid that old, even as a non-parent, I can't blame a parent for wanting to protect their kid. The child probably wasn't old enough to be home alone without a babysitter, FWIW. So I can also see certain circumstances and places where one wouldn't trust a child to be alone in a public restroom if you can't trust them to take care of themselves or get help in other circumstances, you know?

[eclaires]

Jackson has gone to the bathroom once by himself (men's room). Scarlett and I stood right outside the door (I could hear what was going on in the bathroom - including my son chatting it up with people in the bathroom (stranger danger has no effect on him - no matter how much we've tried).

One dad came out with his son (his wife was standing next to me) and said, "He's almost finished and will be out soon!" I think he could see the look of panic and fear on my face.

On the one hand, I always said that I'd allow this when he asked, but on the other, it is really, really terrifying to let him go somewhere where I cannot see him at 5.5. Right now, we just kind of take it case by case. If he really starts insisting, we'll see. I know that even if he goes in the men's room, I will be standing right by the door when he goes - at least for the foreseeable future.

I once got in an argument on another board with a mom who claimed that boys over the age of 4 or so should never be in the women's restroom b/c it might make her daughter (age 6-7) uncomfortable. I told her I couldn't care less if her daughter was uncomfortable b/c a male child was in the women's restroom - I was far more concerned about my child's safety. She said she frequently says something to moms who bring their sons in the women's restroom. I WISH I'd run into her at some point. The funniest thing to me was that her daughter had older brothers - um, did she not ever use the same bathroom they used at home? It's not like seeing women at sinks is something titillating - b/c anything really bathroom related happens in the stalls. So - I guess my point is - as long as I feel like it is necessary for Jackson to go to the women's room with me, he will be with me.

[ringstrue]

I think you could stand right outside the door if you felt like you needed to be closer. If he has to go real bad and you are in sketch-ville then you can say "no freakin way" and take him in the girl's with you.

[MrsAxilla]

Thanks for all the responses. So far I've avoided this by reminding Ben that he's too short to reach the soap, so he has to come with me. When DH is with us, though, I'm totally pawning off bathroom duty.

The only place I've let him go alone so far is at the pool, and only because you get to the pool by going through either the mens' or ladies' locker rooms. The place is crawling with children and all the other boys walk through on the mens' side. But then Ben told me he saw a naked man showering and I got all freaked out. On the one hand, OF COURSE there are men showering in the men's locker room. But on the other hand, why the fuck isn't that guy at work at 1 pm on a Tuesday?