I am feeling frustrated with daycare. They called me urgently today to come and pick M up. (Spoiler alert: He's fine.) Unfortunately I was at my therapy appointment and had my ringer turned off. (I will not do that anymore when M is at daycare!) H doesn't get cell phone reception at the hospital where he's working this month, so they called MIL, our emergency contact, while she was teaching. :-# When I left therapy, I had one missed call from DC, four missed calls from MIL, a voicemail from each, and a text from MIL saying "Daycare called...problem with M...call them...needs to be picked up..." (Not sure why she uses ellipses like that LOL.)
So now I'm panicking and immediately called DC. The receptionist said it was the nurse who called me, and she connected me to the nurse's extension. Nurse didn't pick up so I just drove over there. The nurse told me that the teacher had noticed that M's hands had gotten blue and felt cold while he was sitting in the swing. She picked him up to warm him, and she said he took a big breath like he was gasping for air. She called the nurse, who checked him out and everything looked fine. (No airway obstruction, 100% oxygen saturation, etc.) But I needed to take him home. On the one hand, my instincts told me that he was fine, but the nurse was standing there telling me I needed to get him checked out NOW.
So I canceled my physical therapy appointment, brought him home, and called the pedi. Bless her heart, she got us in right away. She asked me what happened and I showed her the report from DC. She said "hmm, this happened 25 minutes after they gave him a bottle. Sounds like they fed him too fast and he had some reflux." I asked her about the blue hands and she said "hands turn blue sometimes. Blue face or lips are problematic, blue hands and feet are fine."
I'm very relieved that he's fine, but I'm feeling frustrated with DC for calling me to pick him up when there's nothing wrong. Two weeks ago they called me to pick him up because his underarm temperature was 99. I told them it was fine because he'd had his two month shots the day before, and the nurse was like "well I guess you can leave him here if you bring me some Infant Tylenol."
Pedi sends her kids to the same center and said she loves the place, but she's had some problems with the nurse too. She wrote a letter to the center director saying that they have GOT to stop calling parents about a 99 degree temperature (guess it's not just me haha). She told me that I need to tell the teachers to feed M more slowly. Hopefully this will also help with the fact that they want me to send SIX OUNCE BOTTLES of breastmilk. LOLOL
Anyway, I'm partly venting and partly wondering if this is par for the course, or if there's something I can do to make DC run more smoothly? Today was his seventh day at daycare (he goes T/Th) and the third time they had called about a problem. (1. He ran out of milk because they fed him three bottles in three hours; 2. He had a 99 degree underarm temperature.) I feel like I'm never going to be able to keep my job if this keeps up.
Wow, 3 times in 7 days seems crazy. That's not just you. I'm sorry they scared you and for apparently no reason. I would be upset about them calling the emergency contact so quickly.
It's frustrating but there is a learning curve with daycare. I can't fault them for wanting you to know your newborn was gasping and a little blue. They have to CYA in these situations and can't just be like, "he's probably fine!" The bottle thing will fix itself with time and experience, and temperature rules are rules, annoying as they can be.
As they get to know you and vice versa, they will adjust the calls accordingly IME. Like, C's teachers know I don't want a call unless he needs to go home and is legit injured or sick. But his friend's mom is more paranoid and wants to be called with every incident report or sniffle.
Also, we don't have any other options for daycare right now. This is the only place I could find part-time care, we're still on the wait list everywhere else, and this daycare is very highly regarded anyway so it seems silly to leave. So we will be there at least through December.
I just can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. If they call and tell me that there's something wrong with M, can I say "he's fine, see you at 5:30"?
99 degrees is considered a fever by them? I don't think so.
Ok, to be fair, 99 underarm = 100 core, and since he was <3 months, 100.4 counts as a fever. So he was close to that. But I think they should have just said "oh he had his shots yesterday, never mind then." Right?
It's frustrating but there is a learning curve with daycare. I can't fault them for wanting you to know your newborn was gasping and a little blue. They have to CYA in these situations and can't just be like, "he's probably fine!" The bottle thing will fix itself with time and experience, and temperature rules are rules, annoying as they can be.
As they get to know you and vice versa, they will adjust the calls accordingly IME. Like, C's teachers know I don't want a call unless he needs to go home and is legit injured or sick. But his friend's mom is more paranoid and wants to be called with every incident report or sniffle.
I understand what you're saying. I honestly tried to leave without picking him up because this was the only chance all week I have to get to physical therapy and I don't know if I can go next week either, but the nurse was all "I really think you need to take him home."
Am I "allowed" to say "don't worry about it, he's fine?" I guess my hangup is that childcare is these people's job, so I'm inclined to do exactly what they say. Then they do shit like send him home because he had some reflux, or tell me that he needs 6 oz. of breastmilk per feeding, and I'm like :?
Yeah, this is not cool. Not enough to warrant looking for a new daycare, but I'd definitely be frustrated. This nurse does not sound like a good nurse. Why would she suggest you bring in infant tylenol for a 99 degree temperature? That's crazy. But definitely ask his teachers to try paced feedings so as to avoid overfeeding and reflux.
99 degrees is considered a fever by them? I don't think so.
Ok, to be fair, 99 underarm = 100 core, and since he was <3 months, 100.4 counts as a fever. So he was close to that. But I think they should have just said "oh he had his shots yesterday, never mind then." Right?
At our center the fever rule is hard and fast. There's no way to know if it's vaccines or something else.
I agree with Brie, daycares always have to adjust to babies and vice versa.
The feeding thing would bother me a lot, though. I would be pissed that they used 3 bottles in 3 hours and would have been talking to the head teacher ASAP. They should know other techniques. And certainly don't make his bottles bigger yet!
It's frustrating but there is a learning curve with daycare. I can't fault them for wanting you to know your newborn was gasping and a little blue. They have to CYA in these situations and can't just be like, "he's probably fine!" The bottle thing will fix itself with time and experience, and temperature rules are rules, annoying as they can be.
As they get to know you and vice versa, they will adjust the calls accordingly IME. Like, C's teachers know I don't want a call unless he needs to go home and is legit injured or sick. But his friend's mom is more paranoid and wants to be called with every incident report or sniffle.
I understand what you're saying. I honestly tried to leave without picking him up because this was the only chance all week I have to get to physical therapy and I don't know if I can go next week either, but the nurse was all "I really think you need to take him home."
Am I "allowed" to say "don't worry about it, he's fine?" I guess my hangup is that childcare is these people's job, so I'm inclined to do exactly what they say. Then they do shit like send him home because he had some reflux, or tell me that he needs 6 oz. of breastmilk per feeding, and I'm like :?
"Thanks for letting me know. Please call if it gets worse."
Ok, to be fair, 99 underarm = 100 core, and since he was <3 months, 100.4 counts as a fever. So he was close to that. But I think they should have just said "oh he had his shots yesterday, never mind then." Right?
In their defense, my daycare makes zero exceptions for fevers. If it's 100.4 or above, they go home no questions. I actually had to get DD two weeks ago the day after her 15mo shots for that exact reason.
It's annoying, but I get it.
Ok, so once I start working full-time, I need to schedule shots for Fridays. Noted.
What about blue hands? I remembered the nurse in the hospital saying that blue extremities weren't concerning, but a blue face was. But I wasn't sure if that was only true in the first few days of life or something. And conceivably the DC nurse has a degree and I was hesitant to second guess her.
How am I supposed to work when DC is calling me urgently every other day?
I understand what you're saying. I honestly tried to leave without picking him up because this was the only chance all week I have to get to physical therapy and I don't know if I can go next week either, but the nurse was all "I really think you need to take him home."
Am I "allowed" to say "don't worry about it, he's fine?" I guess my hangup is that childcare is these people's job, so I'm inclined to do exactly what they say. Then they do shit like send him home because he had some reflux, or tell me that he needs 6 oz. of breastmilk per feeding, and I'm like :?
"Thanks for letting me know. Please call if it gets worse."
Ok. The calls are just so alarming when they say things like "he quit breathing" when really he likely had some reflux. I don't know how to triage these concerns without checking him out myself.
"Thanks for letting me know. Please call if it gets worse."
Ok. The calls are just so alarming when they say things like "he quit breathing" when really he likely had some reflux. I don't know how to triage these concerns without checking him out myself.
Which I understand and is hard. Next time you're in I would stop in the nurse's office and just tell her.
"Hi Nurse Betty. I just wanted to stop in quickly and talk about little Johnny. It's not easy for me to leave work to pick him up and I've have to do it a lot lately. If it's something that is serious like a fever over 100.4, [insert other things here] then by all means I'll come get him. But if it's things that can be handled here at school like reflux, please just call to let me know and give a heads up, but I can't keep using PTO to come get him for non-emergencies. Thanks for understanding."
How am I supposed to work when DC is calling me urgently every other day?
You are both still in the adjustment period. I suspect this won't last forever and they are erring on the side of caution because he's so little.
I won't lie, the first winter was really tough and I used a lot of PTO. It kinda comes with the working mom territory.
I am the first female faculty member at my college to have a baby in ten years. Faculty don't have PTO. It is fine to cancel class if I am sick/baby is sick, but I can't really cancel ten classes in a semester when we only meet 40 times. My H is a medical resident and therefore no help in this matter.
If working part-time is this stressful, I'm sort of thinking I have made a terrible decision. Have a baby or be a professor, but not both. :-#
As a dcp, if a kid has a fever, especially a child under 3 mo, they go home. No exceptions. I can't risk that fever "from shots" actually being something else and running through the daycare. It sucks, but really, it's a policy for a reason. Granted, my cut off is a bit higher, but still.
Ok. The calls are just so alarming when they say things like "he quit breathing" when really he likely had some reflux. I don't know how to triage these concerns without checking him out myself.
Which I understand and is hard. Next time you're in I would stop in the nurse's office and just tell her.
"Hi Nurse Betty. I just wanted to stop in quickly and talk about little Johnny. It's not easy for me to leave work to pick him up and I've have to do it a lot lately. If it's something that is serious like a fever over 100.4, [insert other things here] then by all means I'll come get him. But if it's things that can be handled here at school like reflux, please just call to let me know and give a heads up, but I can't keep using PTO to come get him for non-emergencies. Thanks for understanding."
The nurse seemed to think it was an emergency. It was the pedi who suspected reflux.
"Thanks for letting me know. Please call if it gets worse."
Ok. The calls are just so alarming when they say things like "he quit breathing" when really he likely had some reflux. I don't know how to triage these concerns without checking him out myself.
Yes and no. If it was alarming, presumably the nurse would have let the office know and/or been available when you called so that you didn't rush over there. Because the office had no clue what was going on, my response would have been "please have the nurse call me when she's available." (Of course, that's as a mom x3, I'm not sure I would have been so cavalier with #1!). Same thing with the fever. My response when DC calls is usually, do you need me to come pick her up? Often when pressed, they will simply say, no, we just wanted to let you know. I posted before in on of your posts that many of DC teachers seem a bit lazy. Asking the same question to the director almost always gets me the answer I want to hear. When the nurse calls, I would take in what she's saying, and let them know you'll call the pedi and get right back to them with whether or not the pedi wants him to be seen. Whether or not you want to call the pedi (like for a 100 fever a day after shots) is up to you. I will often (*zips up my flame suit*) give DDs a dose of tylenol or whatever the couple of days after shots to try to "mask" any shot induced fevers that may send them home. If I know it is shots, I'm not taking 2 days off work (we have a 24 hour policy, so if I have to pick someone up in the middle of the day, they're out that day and the next) for a low fever from her shots.
Post by dcrunnergirl52 on Oct 21, 2014 14:51:39 GMT -5
I look at it like this, if I got to daycare at pick-up and they said to me, "Hi Mom, just an FYI that your LO turned blue today, stopped breathing, and had a fever," I'd be very upset they didn't call me since none of that seems normal. I'd rather have them be slighly alarmist than overlook something dangerous.
As for the fever cut-off, our in-home DCP is also 99 degrees or above. And, infants aren't allowed to go to daycare within 24 hours of having their shots. It sucks, so I totally get how frustrating it is to take off all that time.
You are both still in the adjustment period. I suspect this won't last forever and they are erring on the side of caution because he's so little.
I won't lie, the first winter was really tough and I used a lot of PTO. It kinda comes with the working mom territory.
I am the first female faculty member at my college to have a baby in ten years. I just can't picture how this is going to go when I'm teaching. I can't really cancel ten classes in a semester. My H is a medical resident and therefore no help.
Not to scare you, but C's first winter in DC was really bad. He was hospitalized with RSV for 5 days, and we also dealt with croup, ear infections, strep, norovirus, and HFM in his first year.
I'd start looking for backup care for sick days then. Or, maybe switching to a nanny FT might be a better fit if both of your schedules are that inflexible.
I am the first female faculty member at my college to have a baby in ten years. I just can't picture how this is going to go when I'm teaching. I can't really cancel ten classes in a semester. My H is a medical resident and therefore no help.
Not to scare you, but C's first winter in DC was really bad. He was hospitalized with RSV for 5 days, and we also dealt with croup, ear infections, strep, norovirus, and HFM in his first year.
I'd start looking for backup care for sick days then. Or, maybe switching to a nanny FT might be a better fit if both of your schedules are that inflexible.
Yeah my H has been in favor of a nanny and I have been resisting because I don't want to spend $30K/year on childcare, but maybe we need to try and make it happen. Because we will lose a lot more than that if I lose my job.
I agree with spk926 if it is something like, "DD was coughing and woke herself up from her nap". Well, yes she has a cough and cold. There is absolutely nothing that anyone can do for her about it so "Thanks for letting me know, let me know if she gets worse" is the route I would go.
That said, I would definitely have reservations about this daycare. They have called you 3 times to pick him up in 7 days for issues like this-it's nice of them to let you know but you are the parent and you get to decide how to proceed. Also, it sounds like they are not listening to your concerns with paced feedings which would be a major issue for me b/c I would not be sending my 10(ish?) week old with 6 ounce bottles.
I haven't said anything about paced feeding yet because I was hesitant to tell the DCP how to do their jobs. But now that the pediatrician mentioned it, I really need to do it. Is it too passive-aggressive if I send the teacher an e-mail?
I agree with spk926 if it is something like, "DD was coughing and woke herself up from her nap". Well, yes she has a cough and cold. There is absolutely nothing that anyone can do for her about it so "Thanks for letting me know, let me know if she gets worse" is the route I would go.
That said, I would definitely have reservations about this daycare. They have called you 3 times to pick him up in 7 days for issues like this-it's nice of them to let you know but you are the parent and you get to decide how to proceed. Also, it sounds like they are not listening to your concerns with paced feedings which would be a major issue for me b/c I would not be sending my 10(ish?) week old with 6 ounce bottles.
I haven't said anything about paced feeding yet because I was hesitant to tell the DCP how to do their jobs. But now that the pediatrician mentioned it, I really need to do it. Is it too passive-aggressive if I send the teacher an e-mail?
Don't think of it that way though! YOU are the parent and get to decide how your child is cared for and fed. They should not take offense to you telling them how you would like things done for your child.
I haven't said anything about paced feeding yet because I was hesitant to tell the DCP how to do their jobs. But now that the pediatrician mentioned it, I really need to do it. Is it too passive-aggressive if I send the teacher an e-mail?
I wouldn't do it by email (although I would be tempted) because I think the tone wouldn't work. I would also come armed with the Kelly mom printed out about paced feeding, explain how it worked for your mom when she was helping, etc. I would frame it as "I'm concerned b/c he doesn't typically eat this much and this is what I would like to try" rather than "you have to do it this way."
I can say that I have dealt with DCPs who were not really used to BF (or cloth diapered) babies and they were really willing to work with me on the learning curve but the approach has to be right.
You make a good point. I will delete my draft. :-#
I know that there are other BF babies in his classroom, but they might be in the minority. I know that their refrigerator bins say "CAUTION! This baby drinks breast milk." as though it's totally unusual. It's weird though because I live in a totally hippy neighborhood. I figured BF would be more common.
Ok, to be fair, 99 underarm = 100 core, and since he was <3 months, 100.4 counts as a fever. So he was close to that. But I think they should have just said "oh he had his shots yesterday, never mind then." Right?
At our center the fever rule is hard and fast. There's no way to know if it's vaccines or something else.
I'm sorry rbp. The nurse sounds pretty alarmist but since your LO is at daycare twice a week they are still learning how to care for him in particular and are erring on the side of caution. Also, I agree with Brie that you might want to have backup childcare in the works. DS1 didn't start daycare until he was 14 months old and I spent every single last day of PTO I had to go and grab him from daycare once a month. It was absolutely ridiculous and it was a learning curve for both the daycare teachers as well as myself on when was appropriate to call me and when it could wait. I was lucky as hell to "ease" my way back into the working world since that would have never been possible had I been working where I do now.
I highly recommend the nanny or the au pair route if you think daycare will be really tough on your class schedule this first year. I have a name of an au pair agency if you want a rec. I've looked into it in the past but got lucky since my ILs just moved here and are helping us out big time.
Thanks. Don't au pairs live in your house? We don't have a spare room. (wilted)
I agree with spk926 if it is something like, "DD was coughing and woke herself up from her nap". Well, yes she has a cough and cold. There is absolutely nothing that anyone can do for her about it so "Thanks for letting me know, let me know if she gets worse" is the route I would go.
That said, I would definitely have reservations about this daycare. They have called you 3 times to pick him up in 7 days for issues like this-it's nice of them to let you know but you are the parent and you get to decide how to proceed. Also, it sounds like they are not listening to your concerns with paced feedings which would be a major issue for me b/c I would not be sending my 10(ish?) week old with 6 ounce bottles.
I haven't said anything about paced feeding yet because I was hesitant to tell the DCP how to do their jobs. But now that the pediatrician mentioned it, I really need to do it. Is it too passive-aggressive if I send the teacher an e-mail?
Do not feel bad.
And the paced feeding is even more important if he has reflux, over feeding or feeding to fast can make him more uncomfortable, right? Blame it on the pedi if it makes you more comfortable. "My pediatrician is concerned about overfeeding/feeding to fast given that he has reflux. I have printed out this reference sheet (KM) to help you."