S/O Sex Life: How often to you initiate?

[dancingirl21]

I'm admittedly really bad about initiating. I always kind of have been but especially since having J, I feel way less sexy than I used to.

How often are you the one to initiate? And what are your favorite methods? Just jump him, start rubbing his back, etc?

I'm thinking sexy time needs to happen tonight and I'm going to initiate it!

[mellimel19]

I'd say I initiate about half the time. My favorite methods? I'm not very subtle about it- sometimes I'll be waiting for him in some sexy undies when he gets out of the shower, invite him to join me in the shower, or set the mood for later action by sending him a sexy text during the day. Once I texted him from the bedroom with "there's a naked lady waiting in bed for you" lol I'm a dork.

[L]

Never...DH made a negative comment about it many years ago & it basically killed my desire to ever initiate again. He said he was stupid & didn't mean it a few times over the years but I just cant bring myself to do it. He initiates plenty enough for my desires anyway.

[dancingirl21]

Oct 24, 2014 15:11:55 GMT -5 L said:

Never...DH made a negative comment about it many years ago & it basically killed my desire to ever initiate again. He said he was stupid & didn't mean it a few times over the years but I just cant bring myself to do it. He initiates plenty enough for my desires anyway.

Ugh. Things like this always stick with me too. I hate that I remember everything sometimes!

[Blue Moon]

Before kids, we were probably 50-50. But now I'm 8 weeks pp and H is practically begging. I definitely see this becoming an issue. Ugh.

[dancingirl21]

Oct 24, 2014 15:15:02 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

5%

I love that you're so specific, lol.

[mlt]

I initiate probably 90% of the time. MH goes to bed before I do and needs a lot more sleep. I think he would initiate more if we went to bed at the same time. I just ask "do you want to fool around?" Sexy, I know.

[Deleted]

80% but that's an improvement from the 95% it used to be.

[lolo]

I feel like I initiate 95% of the time. Sometimes he says I don't notice when he's trying to initiate though (which I say means he wasn't doing it right, lol).

It's actually frustrating because when I initiate, he gets turned on quickly, but I still need attention to get fully turned on. It's like, yes, I want to have sex, but I'm not exactly ready to bone the second I touch you, even if I touch you first.

Plus, HEY, it would be nice to feel sexy every once in a while and have him start by getting me turned out. Timing wise, it really does work better, plus it helps me get turned on to feel desired.

[lolo]

Oct 24, 2014 16:34:14 GMT -5 panicfoot said:

Not often because he shot me down while I was pregnant and it really hurt my feelings.

I had that happen too. He swore up and down that he had no issues with my pregnant body (and I looked pretty decent until the very end) and no psychological issues with a baby inside of me. And yet he didn't initiate a single time and we only had sex twice while I was pregnant. It hurt. A lot.

[gibbinator]

I've done most of the initiating in the past few years. Which is odd because dh has a higher drive.
He just never ever ever initiates. Not even if I do something I consider an obvious signal of willingness like going to bed naked.
Anyway, my go-to method involves saying something like "want to go have some fun?". Im not subtle because he doesn't get hints.

[Deleted]

Oct 24, 2014 16:42:02 GMT -5 lolo said:

Oct 24, 2014 16:34:14 GMT -5 panicfoot said:

Not often because he shot me down while I was pregnant and it really hurt my feelings.

I had that happen too. He swore up and down that he had no issues with my pregnant body (and I looked pretty decent until the very end) and no psychological issues with a baby inside of me. And yet he didn't initiate a single time and we only had sex twice while I was pregnant. It hurt. A lot.

Oh so you're married to my husband too? Nice.

[Deleted]

Close to zero. I play along if DH initiates 99% of the time even when I'm not totally in the mood but being turned down often early on really did a number on my confidence.

[t]

Maybe 20% of the time for me. I just don't have that much of a drive. When I do initiate, it's something like "wanna go upstairs and do it?" lol

[mlvmd]

99% of the time. He tries to initiate constantly and I am always like get away from me. So I make it abundantly clear when I want to have sex to try to get him to stop initiating every time I slow down enough for him to leg hump me.

[mellymel]

90% of the time?

It used to piss me off. He has been slightly better about it recently and I've just accepted the fact that he's not a good initiator.