Just a vent...Halloween related

[carrieq]

This afternoon was our church's Trunk or Treat. My boys were excited to go and we practiced saying trick or treat and saying thank you after they were given candy. DS1 is almost 5 and has ASD and undiagnosed anxiety. We got in line for the event to begin and I noticed someone up ahead dressed in a creepy gorilla costume. I told DH to grab DS1 and keep him turned away so he wouldn't see the costume and get scared. But the gorilla kept coming closer and closer and would hunker down and stand and just stare at you. Of course DS1 started screaming and crying bc he was so scared and the gorilla kept coming around to him even though he was visibly upset by the costume. I told my husband to give me the kiddo and the keys and we would go back to the van while DS2 did his thing. I walked away in tears...embarrassed bc we caused a scene but mostly angry at the jackass that ruined the event for my family. As we were walking back to the van I passed adults showing up in scary masks and kids dressed like death and with 'blood' on their faces. I've already suggested that next year it is requested that scary costumes are not welcome. This isn't an adult costume party. It is an event for children where 600-700 kids show up each year. I feel a little like I overreacted but sometimes that's just how it is.

[auntie]

I'm sorry.

Halloween is a difficult holiday for many on spectrum. Especially the brighter anxious kids who run toward the "fantasy boy" presentation.

Unfortunately, you may have a hard time convincing others who enjoy this sort of thing to change it so it works for your DS; a lot of well developing kids enjoy this sort of stuff. Maybe it's not an appropriate event for your DS right now and he'd have more fun at a small party.

In the mean time, this is certainly something to work on if he's the sort of kid who can expect to be mainstreamed in school and the community where you can't protect him from the tradition. You want him to become more resilient and be able to participate in the rituals other kids enjoy. Celebrating with peers can go a long way to fostering real inclusion.

Perhaps a Social Story about pretending on Halloween would be useful for him. I'd include something about the "jackass" who might be someone who just really loves acting the part and embraces the holiday but isn't real.

DS was a fearful kid with a vivid and literal imagination- he has an ASD and GAD dx. By preschool were were working on these sorts of specific fears. One thing that helped him grasp the dress up concept was letting him pick a costume of something scary. He chose a shark. He even wanted to put blood on its mouth and a doll in it once he got into the concept. He also wanted me to add claspers which are part of the shark's male reproductive organs because he didn't want to be a "girl" shark. LOL, the last couple weekends he's been working an evening shift on the "Haunted Train"- last week he scared a teenaged girl so badly she knocked out a window. I would never have guessed he'd doing this when he was 5.

[oliviapope]

Oct 27, 2014 7:28:47 GMT -5 auntie said:

I'm sorry.

Halloween is a difficult holiday for many on spectrum. Especially the brighter anxious kids who run toward the "fantasy boy" presentation.

Unfortunately, you may have a hard time convincing others who enjoy this sort of thing to change it so it works for your DS; a lot of well developing kids enjoy this sort of stuff. Maybe it's not an appropriate event for your DS right now and he'd have more fun at a small party.

In the mean time, this is certainly something to work on if he's the sort of kid who can expect to be mainstreamed in school and the community where you can't protect him from the tradition. You want him to become more resilient and be able to participate in the rituals other kids enjoy. Celebrating with peers can go a long way to fostering real inclusion.

Perhaps a Social Story about pretending on Halloween would be useful for him. I'd include something about the "jackass" who might be someone who just really loves acting the part and embraces the holiday but isn't real.

DS was a fearful kid with a vivid and literal imagination- he has an ASD and GAD dx. By preschool were were working on these sorts of specific fears. One thing that helped him grasp the dress up concept was letting him pick a costume of something scary. He chose a shark. He even wanted to put blood on its mouth and a doll in it once he got into the concept. He also wanted me to add claspers which are part of the shark's male reproductive organs because he didn't want to be a "girl" shark. LOL, the last couple weekends he's been working an evening shift on the "Haunted Train"- last week he scared a teenaged girl so badly she knocked out a window. I would never have guessed he'd doing this when he was 5.

This was so beautifully written. It is so important to realize that while at times we are so focused on making the world around our children comfortable for them-we also need to work to prepare them for the world that may not be comfortable. I agree that asking for no scary costumes for 6-700 people on a holiday that is largely about "fright" might not be the answer.

It also can be so difficutl, and I can empathize on the challenges for sure.

[craftyone]

Are you working on helping your son with scary situations? Social stories, videos, having someone dress up as characters? If your son is having issues, then you might just not be able to participate until he isn't scared. I know it sucks. My son has meltdowns in lines. Either I don't go where there will be a line, or I wait in the car until my husband is almost through the line. Even though my family enjoys theme parks a lot, we stopped getting season passes until my son can handle the lines better. I always have the car keys and my phone to call my husband when I have to bolt and go back to the car.

I think it's unreasonable to say everyone shouldn't wear scary/bloody costumes or act like a gorilla -even with a get in your face and scare you with a "boo". After all it is Halloween. I think it is more like preparing yourself to have a change in plans and an alternative so you can do that and not feel like your day is ruined.