getting used to daycare---help me! or hold me!

[thecatinthehat]

DS (17 months) started daycare a couple weeks ago. He only goes 2 days a week because I work part-time. Today is his 5th day. We are doing shorter hours because the first day went horrible (he was so clingy, would not go to bed, cried forever, unless I stayed in his room). Thankfully I work from home and technically, I can wing it without daycare but I am tried of doing work as soon as he goes to sleep at night, I need my "me time". So I am super flexible and we switched him staying there 9-3 and we slowly increased the time by 30 mins each day he is there.

I thought things have started to get better. Well today he already started screaming the moment we stepped inside (it is a home daycare), he knew I was going to leave him there. I stayed and helped him with an activity until he calmed down and looked interested in doing crafts, playing with other kids. Then I said I have to go and kissed him goodbye and that I will be back later. He freaked out again as I was leaving I could hear him screaming as I drove off

DH thinks it will just get better with time, and it probably will. Please tell me what I am supposed to to. Make the time even shorter? We were thinking of switching him over to 3 days a week and doing half-days instead (pick him up after nap at 1 or 2pm. but I am not sure if that is helpful at this point. 

I am going to post and run, but I will be back in an hour to read and reply.

[arch01]

Give it some time. We had several months of separation anxiety starting around that age.

Hope it improves quickly!

[pierogigirl]

I always found a short and sweet good-bye was the most effective. DS2 would sometimes cry even after over a year at daycare, but if I left right away, he would often stop before I even got to my car.

[Deleted]

I agree, a short and sweet goodbye is usually best. I usually just have to "rip the bandaid off." It's hard to leave the building with her crying, but her daycare teacher will often text message me 5 minutes later saying she's fine.

[schrodinger]

Oct 27, 2014 14:27:02 GMT -5 pierogigirl said:

I always found a short and sweet good-bye was the most effective. DS2 would sometimes cry even after over a year at daycare, but if I left right away, he would often stop before I even got to my car.

This is what we need to do as well.  Short, sweet and to the point. If I try and wait until she's done crying, DD will put on a huge show.

[Brie]

It takes time. I agree that lingering makes it worse--he sees you come in with him, start an activity, etc and thinks you're staying, THEN you leave, and that's confusing. I always sit him at his table, give a hug and kiss, say "bye bye!" in a happy voice and leave. If you are treating it like something scary that's a big deal, he will feed off that.

Making the time shorter won't help long-term. Stick with it. It gets better.

[Deleted]

It does take time, we just went through this when we transitioned to a new room. I try to make sure he is interested in a toy/activity, or make sure he is with one of the teachers before I leave. Now he gives me a little wave to let me know he's good (I guess??!!)

I don't think the length of time he is there will change it.

As a side note, the teachers would always reassure me he stopped crying when I left. I was there the other day and a little boy was crying, and as soon as his dad left the room, he stopped, like immediately! I laughed and said to the teachers, I always thought you lied to make me feel better :-)

[stacyb1983]

((hugs))
Give it time. It will get better. I've found that if the days are stacked together, Tuesday-Thursday, it is easier.

[thecatinthehat]

Thank you! These replies are making me feel a little better. Normally I do not linger but he normally doesn't cry until I say I'm leaving. When we got inside he held me too tight and sobbed. So I stayed until he let me put him down. The teacher did end up peeling him off of me when I finally left. He goes M and W, but if we go to 3days/week he will go M-W so maybe that might make it better?

[motzie]

DD went through a phase like this at 18 months when she switched to the toddler room at daycare. I had to just sneak out when she was distracted by the teacher. No goodbye, just gone, otherwise there would be no chance of me putting her down. The teacher would usually take her on an errand across the room or would take her to put her milk away in the kitchen.

[auntie]

The other thing is that getting used to 2 x per week is harder for some kids than 3 or more times. DS's old babysitter had a baby 18 months ago. She's an RN who does 12s, so between her mom and DH, she only needed 2x per week- her DCC won't do twice weekly because she finds kids have a harder time adjusting, especially if they start "older". Her LO couldn't do a group day care until her was around 15 months because of some early health risks- it took a full 3 months before he really settled into things. They still have him with older babies because of the smaller numbers- I think he moves to toddlers next week.

[fbf2006]

My son just started daycare at 18 months and also starts crying before we even get inside the daycare. Today was his first full day (last week was a settling in period, so we increased the time he was there gradually) and they said he was pretty good once my husband dropped him off this morning.

I think getting used to a 2/3 day period might take a little longer, than if he was there fulltime so try to give it a little more time. I think Monday - Wednesday might be better.

[Deleted]

I think you have to just turn and walk away, don't go in to get him settled or whatever. He got upset so you stayed and then when you wNt to actually leave he got upset again thinking it would make your stay. It's hard, but it's easier on them to just drop and go. Really.

[dcn]

Oh I'm sorry he is having such a hard time! I remember you responded to my post about my son's rough adjustment to his new daycare a few weeks ago. I agree it takes time, and since he goes just twice a week it will probably take longer. Short and sweet goodbyes also are better ime.

I also talk about it a ton with Ds. Tomorrow you will go to daycare, and you will play with Susie! Maybe you will go outside! Then you will eat lunch and take a nap and then I will come to pick you up!

That has helped so much for Ds. If he gets sad I just remind him that I will pick him up and give him a hug. I seriously talked about it over and over and over.

18 - 20 months was also the height of his separation anxiety, we had days of clinging to me and crying after months of him being perfectly fine.

Does he have a lovey or something he could bring to help comfort him when you leave?

Hang in there, it will get better!

[meij]

I worked at a daycare and it did take longer for kids to adjust if they came twice a week than kids who came full time.

Just give it some more time, I wouldn't shorten his hours especially if he is fine majority of the day. I think doing half days would only prolong the issue, especially if you are going to have him go full days. Put him in for the days and hours you need him there in the end so he can get used to the day/routine in its entirety.

It took my last T/Th kid (she was newly two and coming from an in home) a month to not cry at drop off.

[thecatinthehat]

I haven't talked to the daycare provider since I left this morning. But from his previous stays, she said that he eventually calms down after I leave. He is fine most of the day, but will have episodes where he remembers me/wants me and cry. He especially loved playing outside and gets upset again when they go back inside (in this case, he is the same at home). I will ask her again today and let her know we will switch to 3 days next month/week.

ETA: When I picked him up W last week, he was bawling. Someone else just got picked up and he was so upset when he found it wasn't me coming to get him. Ugh! A little part of me is scared that he isn't happy there or maybe this is not a good fit. I have no reason to think this other than him crying and being upset whenever I take him there.