Question for moms of 2+

[pupcake]

Yes but then at some point it changed to we might be able to handle another one. Dd2 was two in June and I think anyone one with a toddler her age and a baby is crazy because I don't know how we would manage with another one and dd1 is 6 and pretty easy.

[pupcake]

Dup

[scribellesam]

We are barely holding it together with both parents home full time. I am legit scared about doing it by myself once DH is back at work in a few weeks. I suspect it is going to involve a lot of crying by all three of us.

I am hoping/praying it is one of those things that gets easier with practice.

[zeewifeandmama]

Yeah, we thought about how it would go and who would do what... Made a plan,if you will. That plan went to total shit and we all were just in survival for the first 12 weeks ( colicky MSPI baby) ... Then my husband left the country for ten days and WHAM! Shit got real, but I figured the two of them out. Now, we pretty much just do man to man defense when he's home.

[suburbanzookeeper]

We honestly waited to TTC until she's was a bit older because I legitimately couldn't wrap my head around how to handle 2 with no help due to the hours DH worked. It was easier for us once she was more verbal and it helped significantly, at least for me, because my pregnancy with DS was a shit show that she was able to understand what was going on a bit better.

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2014 19:29:00 GMT -5 scribellesam said:

We are barely holding it together with both parents home full time. I am legit scared about doing it by myself once DH is back at work in a few weeks. I suspect it is going to involve a lot of crying by all three of us.

I am hoping/praying it is one of those things that gets easier with practice.

There were a few times of all 3 of us crying the first few weeks but I just took them both to disneyland by myself last week (he's 10w old) so it definitely gets easier with practice and just time!

[carolinagirl831]

i'm scared to read the answers to this thread....

[elocrates]

Yeah. And then at some point we were like, "we can totally handle another one." That's when we TTC #2. After we had #2 we realized that we couldn't both spend all our waking hours devoting our attention to the kids at the same time. Some housework needed to get done before they went to bed. We needed to spend some time together as adults. I guess our expectations of ourselves as good parents just changed a bit. You'll figure it out. Just like having one was exhausting but you figured it out, you'll do the same with #2.

[brady2012]

Oct 27, 2014 19:58:53 GMT -5 @starry said:

My mom scared me when she told me two is EXPONENTIALLY more work. Like 4x the work rather than 2x. And to be honest 2x sounds like too much, lol. But, her first two were 19 months apart.

As long as the next one sleeps 7-7 every day I think I'm good. Deal, universe, right?

While it is true that it is a lot more work, it isn't harder per se if that makes sense. You both are confident and know what you are doing with regards to newborns and toddlers so you won't have the same worries that are so draining to first time parents. My first was colicky and my second wasnt so his witching hour was 45 min rather than 4 hours of screaming and deperation on our part.

The first week we were home I was bathing DD and H was changing DS, DS started screaming and H said "hey i think we need to trade kids" so we tagged out and laughed about the fact thats just how life would be for awhile. It gets easier faster with two.

[brady2012]

Meant to say DS was screaming bc he was hungry so we had to switch kids

[L]

I didn't think that much about it (Type-B & breezy!)...I was blinded by how freaking adorable & happy DD1 was....we stopped tta when she was 6mo old but I sort of breathed asigh of relief the first few months, then I really wanted another more & more, then I convinced myself I was ok if she was only (since months kept passing by with nothing). She ended up about 17mo by the time we got a bfp. I was not freaked out really..just relieved we could have a 2nd. Then I had a horrible pg (2 moves & leaving my family & I left H for a period)...then had a colicky baby. So when I found out I was pg with #3 unexpectedly, I had a really hard time for several months.

[redpenmama]

Yep. But I will say that from the time I got pregnant with #2 when DD was 21 months and the time I had the baby when she was 2.5, she went from impossible to manageable. I'm amazed by anyone who does 2u2. The 2.5 year spacing worked well for us.

[Deleted]

The second baby was much easier to adapt to than the first. It was certainly not 4x the work. I did NOT have them close together, though (2y3m) and think that when people who choose 2u2 say it's hard... um, yes, you've got two babies. That's hard. You're already past that choice and it's really just something you do when you've got no choice but to do it.

That said, hypothetical third child would be 3+ years apart. DS is so (relatively) easy now compared to when DD was born.

[fortmyersbride]

My kids were miserable infants (MPI, Hirschsprung's) but once they got to be 12-18 mos became generally pleasant kids. That's about when they started sleeping better too. There's no way I would have even considered additional kids (#2 or 3), until we were several months beyond that. It's not a coincidence that there's a 3 yr age gap between each.

I didn't think it was that much harder going from 1-2, and can't comment on the 2-3 transition yet. We haven't been big on routines though (nap, bedtime, meals, etc) so maybe if we were more devoted to a schedule then I would have found the transition more disruptive.

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2014 19:24:34 GMT -5 @starry said:

before you had an additional child did you feel like "how would we handle another one?" I assume yes because I had no clue how to handle child 1. But tonight I was thinking that as DH and I were tag teaming the toddler... this would be a lot harder if we had a second. CAN WE EVEN HANDLE THAT? I figure we probably can... but it is going to suck for a while until we figure it out.

Also in breaking news. Two years olds are adorable but also exhausting. Spoken from someone who read How the Grinch Stole Christmas twice while sitting in the crib with my child. lol

[DarcyLongfellow]

Oct 27, 2014 20:03:28 GMT -5 @starry said:

Oct 27, 2014 20:01:41 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

Okay so I've said this before but I'll share it again. My mom had 4 kids in 5 years. She said the transition from 1 - 2 was really really hard. But after that it was easy. Like #s 3 and 4 were easy lol. By the time I came along, she didn't obsess over napping, or sleep schedules etc. I slept when I could, ate when I could etc. I just tagged along with the older kids for the first few years.

So I think I need to push through this one and go for 3 hahaha.

but I just want two.... so I want the next one to count! He/she must atone for the newborn hell of their sibling. A lot is resting on the hypothetical child.

LOL. That's how I felt too!

If it's any consolation, after my colicky first born I had a dream baby for the second. So it can happen that way!!

As for the question, that is precisely why we waited 4 years!! DD1 was so incredibly easy by the time her sister was born!

Going from 0 to 1 was way harder. Going from 1 to 2 was a breeze for us -- she just fit right in with what we already had going on. We're still able to do man on man when DH is home which helps!

[bunch]

When dd1 was a NB we were all "How in the hell does anyone do this with another child?"

When dd2 was a NB we were all "LOL. We were cute. These NBs having nothing on the raging toddler. This is fun."

[bunch]

seriously, 1-2 was nothing. a breeze. i was shocked by how easy the transition was

[statlerwaldorf]

I didn't worry about it for the most part. We started TTC when she was 6 months old, but didn't get pregnant until she was 4.5. By that point, she was pretty easy. DS was colicky and is a pretty difficult baby. Sometimes I wonder how people do it with a toddler. Every time I put him down he screams.

[whitepicketfence]

There are still some days that I wonder how we're going to handle all 3 of them, lol.

[Deleted]

Oh yeah, I thought that all the time. I broke down crying while pregnant on multiple occasions because I felt so defeated and like I would never be able to handle it with two.

I handled it. It was not even nearly as close to as difficult as I had imagined.

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2014 19:46:16 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

i'm scared to read the answers to this thread....

I know right?! I'm 19 weeks PG with #2, it's too late for me. ALL YOU PARENTS OF SINGLES SAVE YOURSELVES!

[cinco]

Sure. We didn't really have the easiest transition from 1-2, but it couldn't have been too bad considering we had a 3rd? My 3rd was a breeze as a newborn, but I don't think I've ever used the term "easy" describing 3 (or 2, or 1, or parenting in general) It's fun and worth it.

[anna7602]

I hire a lot of help. I honestly can't do it all myself. And I need a lot of me time to decompress after the weekend when DD is not in school. Based on how I feel by Sunday night, I am absolutely certain I couldn't have handled two kids if one of them wasn't in school yet.

[stacyb1983]

Yes, I worried about this before C was born. We're only 4 months in, but we are adjusting. We've found a new normal. I try not to get caught up in how things were. I know C will get bigger and somethings will get easier. I have less time to worry about doing everything perfectly and instead I just get it done.

[speyedr]

This thread scares me. We will have a 15 month age gap when #2 comes next summer.

[Brie]

I have moments of total fear, I won't lie. But ultimately I remind myself that there are no guarantees no matter how much you stress about spacing, and we know we want two kids. Like some kids are real assholes at two, but some hit that phase at three, and there's no way to know in advance which one yours will do so might as well just power through. I mean, my sister and I are 6 years apart and I know we made my mom's life hell at various points anyway.

You just can't win in that it won't always be perfect all the time so I'm just going into it knowing it's all temporary and the suck will come and go. Sunrise, sunset.

[Brie]

I think a big difference for me this pregnancy is that I know the crappy phases don't last. I remember thinking my life was ruined forever when C was a screamy newborn. I know that's not true now so I'll just try to KOKO and buy some earplugs. This too shall pass and all that.

[jena]

I believe you have a difficult baby as well, so I'll say this: DD1 was so fucking hard as a newborn that adding another one was not hard.

Also, 2.5-3 year gap is great.

Also, if you go above 2 kids, read up on this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zone_defense

[Deleted]

Oct 27, 2014 23:17:52 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

I think it was helpful that Lu was almost 3.5 by the time Ella was born. She could dress herself, brush her own teeth, go to the bathroom alone, etc. etc. That made it a lot easier to imagine being able to swing two without needing at least one parent on each kid at all times.

I know some people prefer closer spacing, but this has worked for my fundamentally lazy approach to, well, everything lol. It really has not been hard (though I know we are lucky with two pretty easy going and healthy kiddos).

3 year age gap here but this is the truth. Less than 3 years and I probably would've been peeing my pants in fear.