"Hiding" Pregnancy Stories

[Deleted]

If you waited to announce your pregnancy or just never announced, come tell me your story.

I was thinking of waiting until 10 weeks to tell family at Thanksgiving but maybe I will wait until Christmas instead.  No real reason.  But should I lay false trails?  I don't see family that often but we stalk each other's FB pages.  Should I post pictures of myself holding a wine glass?

I'm also debating not telling work at all and just scheduling my maternity leave when it gets closer.  I hate this one CW and I don't want to give her any reason to interact with me but I relish the idea of her speculating and not being able to get the answer from anyone.

I don't know why I'm so focused on this.  I guess last time EVERYONE knew so early that it just got annoying.  Maybe wait until I know the sex and be like "hey guys I'm having a [boy/girl] in a few months!" 

[rbp]

I got my BFP the week of Thanksgiving last year. I had a REALLY hard time hiding my pregnancy through the holidays. I know that lots of our friends were suspicious, and some even had the gall to ask me flat-out. (I am still salty about that.) But if you don't drink as frequently as I did, then this might not be an issue.

I don't think I would try to fake people out, because then when you announce you're pg they'll be all "WHY WERE YOU DRINKING WINE IN THAT PICTURE ON FB?" Or at least anyone who pays enough attention to notice the paucity of drinking pictures on FB would probably pick up on this.

Can you really not announce your pg at work? Isn't this awkward? I don't even know how you would go about this. I don't like the idea of people talking about me behind my back, but you may not have this issue. I feel like it would burn some bridges, though. IDK, I told work at 11w because we were getting ready to schedule fall classes and they needed time to find a substitute for me. So I realize that my experience wasn't typical.

ETA: I get that this is a private matter. I was really annoyed at people speculating on the state of my ute when I wasn't ready to tell them. But I'm just not sure how you can get a big baby bump and NOT tell people without making it even MORE awkward.

[meltoine]

With DS1 I just didn't tell people for a while. Like 30 weeks. We were living overseas and we told local friends (we only had a few) around 16 weeks. But everyone back home? We never posted a Facebook announcement and we didn't talk to most of our friends because of the huge time difference. I think my sister made a big deal of me "liking" BumGenius's FB page around 30 weeks and some people caught on then.

We told our parents and siblings around 14 weeks.

We had just gotten married and I didn't want people obsessively doing math to figure out if I got pregnant before we got married. The whole idea of that squicked me out. Plus, my husband had a meeting with some members of a foreign government when I was about 7 weeks, and they asked him how the baby was. We hadn't told anyone and I hadn't even been to the doctor yet. That really, really, really creeped me out. After that I just didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

[kermit]

I told family at Christmas at 12 weeks. I waited until 19 weeks to say anything at work and then it was only my direct supervisors. I really didn't want to have it all out there until after the anatomy scan. Luckily it was winter and I could hide with sweaters and bulky clothes. People at work started guessing around 22 weeks or so. I'm just very private and didn't want to have to talk about it if something was wrong.

[Odonata]

With my first pregnancy I was unable to hide it b/c I drink like a fish and I was attending a get-together with some college friends. My cover was blown within the first 2 minutes being there - especially once the tequila came out.

For this last pregnancy, I started showing right away (was all gas and not baby, but still). I wanted to keep it a secret for as long as possible since my first two pregnancies ended in mc but it was not meant to be. In the end there was really no negative to me announcing so early.

And kind of like what rbp said, I didn't want people at work talking behind my back and speculating so I just came out with it right away. This is especially true b/c I teach and contracts had just come out and I knew I would be due at the start of the next school year so I felt I needed to tell them sooner. I guess it's not like that for all jobs, though.

ETA:  We were going through IF treatments and were very open with it with close family.  Some (my mom and SIL) even knew my IUI schedule and when my betas were so they knew right away. Since so many knew we were desperately trying everyone was on the lookout for possible pregnancy signs from me anyway!

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2014 10:15:30 GMT -5 rbp said:

Can you really not announce your pg at work? Isn't this awkward? I don't even know how you would go about this. I don't like the idea of people talking about me behind my back, but you may not have this issue. I feel like it would burn some bridges, though. IDK, I told work at 11w because we were getting ready to schedule fall classes and they needed time to find a substitute for me. So I realize that my experience wasn't typical.

ETA: I get that this is a private matter. I was really annoyed at people speculating on the state of my ute when I wasn't ready to tell them. But I'm just not sure how you can get a big baby bump and NOT tell people without making it even MORE awkward.

Oh I want it to be hella awkward at work and just not acknowledge it.  But that's because this one chick at work is such a gossip already.  Like I was "flirting" with this coworker apparently at a Happy Hour and she got on FB and messaged his wife about it.

I told my last boss at 12 weeks and it was annoying because he kept on asking me if I was sure I could work overtime (um yes I need to save up time for mat leave thanks).  My new boss is a woman and I don't think she'll be like that but she also doesn't really need to know until maybe 2 months out in terms of paperwork.

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2014 10:16:42 GMT -5 meltoine said:

Plus, my husband had a meeting with some members of a foreign government when I was about 7 weeks, and they asked him how the baby was. We hadn't told anyone and I hadn't even been to the doctor yet. That really, really, really creeped me out. After that I just didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

Weird!

[chickadee77]

I didn't tell anyone until about 20 weeks (except my sister). It was fine. Work was awesome, and family wasn't nearly as pissed off as I thought they might be. But we had just had two second tri losses, too, so we didn't want to tell until after M21 and A/S results.

[Odonata]

Oct 28, 2014 10:25:40 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Oct 28, 2014 10:15:30 GMT -5 rbp said:

Can you really not announce your pg at work? Isn't this awkward? I don't even know how you would go about this. I don't like the idea of people talking about me behind my back, but you may not have this issue. I feel like it would burn some bridges, though. IDK, I told work at 11w because we were getting ready to schedule fall classes and they needed time to find a substitute for me. So I realize that my experience wasn't typical.

ETA: I get that this is a private matter. I was really annoyed at people speculating on the state of my ute when I wasn't ready to tell them. But I'm just not sure how you can get a big baby bump and NOT tell people without making it even MORE awkward.

Oh I want it to be hella awkward at work and just not acknowledge it.  But that's because this one chick at work is such a gossip already.  Like I was "flirting" with this coworker apparently at a Happy Hour and she got on FB and messaged his wife about it.  

WTF??? 

[stacyb1983]

With C, I waited until 13-14 weeks to tell coworkers. My boss knew earlier because I needed to take time off for doctor's appointments. We told my immediate family after my first ultra sound around 10 weeks. I think I did a Facebook announcement around 13-14 weeks, only because my mom is a Facebook addict and cannot keep a secret. I honestly wished I could have kept it to my immediate circle for a little longer.

With H, we told our family right away, around 6 weeks. By the time he was born I was worn out by people's well intentioned interest.

[shellbear09]

We told family at 13 weeks after nt scan and I told work around 16w only because I thought I was showing and would be found out soon anyway. I would do it the same again. I was very scared early on and was glad to feel happy and more ok about it when I announced.

[Deleted]

Oct 28, 2014 10:28:32 GMT -5 Odonata said:

Oct 28, 2014 10:25:40 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Oh I want it to be hella awkward at work and just not acknowledge it.  But that's because this one chick at work is such a gossip already.  Like I was "flirting" with this coworker apparently at a Happy Hour and she got on FB and messaged his wife about it.  

WTF??? 

Yeah, for real.  I wasn't even flirting with him.  I just joked that I wanted him to be my "work husband."

[Odonata]

Oct 28, 2014 10:30:19 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Oct 28, 2014 10:28:32 GMT -5 Odonata said:

WTF??? 

Yeah, for real.  I wasn't even flirting with him.  I just joked that I wanted him to be my "work husband."

Dude.  Still, you don't run onto FB and start spewing information to the wife.  What a nutjob.  

[Deleted]

I told my family and 2 BFFs after my first appt at 6 weeks. That was helpful to me.

Everyone else I could have easily hid it until 20 weeks had I wanted. I told people in waves at 6, 12, 16 and 18 weeks as I felt ready. Everyone has been very nice.

I am definitely a drinker, so I'm sure a few people were suspicious along the way. For a minute some of my coworkers wondered about the fact that I had switched to caffeine free soda. And was drinking way less, though they probably didn't notice that.

[meij]

With my first I was really sick so I had to tell my PreK co teacher really early. She would have figured it out the first time she uncovered the scrambled eggs for breakfast and I ran for the bathroom lol.

We didn't tell anyone else (family, friends) until twelve weeks and I wasn't out at work until around 20 weeks.

With my second we told no one until 12 weeks, then told our immediate family and close friends. I was never sick so was able to hide it easier than the first time. My boss and coworkers knew around 14 weeks but I didn't tell the parents of my class or anything until I was almost six months, same with extended family and facebook.

I have a long torso so I don't look pregnant at all until about 24 weeks and even then not obvious enough people would wonder or ask. I was due in February so none of our neighbors knew I was pregnant since I always had a coat on when they saw me.

[brady2012]

I was due mid June with #2 and we waited to tell my in laws until Christmas.  I was able to hide it decently well and we saw them 2xs before that I think.  I let DD walk into the house with a shirt I got from etsy that said on the front "guess who has a secret for christmas" and on the back it said "I am going to be a big sister".  It was really cute and fun to see their reaction, it took them a few minutes to notice it lol.

[narockshard]

I tried to avoid any drinking situations until we announced to family at 11 weeks. I posted on FB after the anatomy scan (19 weeks). I think I faked people out pretty good except for one friend whom I think suspected and proceeded to ask to try my drink and then was like "huh, that just tastes like juice!", then I guess for clarification shoved her own drink in my face to try so I had to pretend to take a sip. I was--and still am--so pissed about that. She never went so far as to ask, but how dare you try to find out by shoving a drink in my face in front of everyone!

[sixtwelve]

I drank a lot of N/A Beer (because N/A wine is gross). It worked to keep people off my trail even though I am usually a wine drinker. I also just stayed away from social situations. It is really hard to keep the secret over the holidays.

[matildasun]

I was afraid my boss would move me to another school if she found out before our contracts were settled on July 15. I was four months along when school ended and I told the few people I worked closely with, and that was it. We had two women who always figured it out, and even they were shocked when I came back to work in September.

I never posted about my second pregnancy on Facebook, although I did post pictures with an obvious bump. People were shocked when I announced M's birth.

[mlt]

We didn't tell family until 17 weeks with DS1. I really wanted to tell them in person so I could see their reactions and that's the first time we saw them. My mom was mad I waited so long. It wasn't hard. I just didn't tell anyone. MH and I enjoyed the secret.

I wouldn't deliberately mislead people. Seems unnecessary.

[t]

When I was pregnant with DD, our immediate families suspected it because of my m/c previously so they knew we were TTC. No one said anything though. I tried to fake drink at gatherings...like have a pretend sip and put my drink next to DH's...then he would take a big gulp. When I could, I'd make a pretend gin and tonic (sprite with lime). I told my BFFs first because I couldn't keep it from them. I didn't tell work or extended family until 13 weeks because I needed to negotiate my mat leave for the following year's contract (I was teaching). I didn't announce to faculty until about 20 weeks and never officially announced to my students. I was 30 weeks by the end of the school year. I taught high school boys so it was awkward for me to admit I had sex haha.

[mlvmd]

Last time I was on a work detail and told my official boss but not my "supervisor" on my detail until I was around 20-21 weeks. I was going to be off my detail by the time I had the baby and didn't have any problems with doctor appointments because leave went through my official boss.

When my detail supervisor found out he negotiated with my boss to keep me until I delivered. I was annoyed because I really didn't like the detail. However, I had DS early so I only ended staying an extra week before I was put on bed rest then delivered. That detail kept trying to get me to do work while I was still in the hospital. And they wondered why I wanted to leave.

I showed much later with DS1 and didn't have a problem hiding it. This time that would have been laughable.

[kangaroo11]

I did the same as @tambcat. My parents were surprised I wasn't having a beer at Burgers and Beer, so I said I'd just had a lot to drink the night before and they bought it. We all laugh about it now how silly it was.

[Blue Moon]

After a couple losses, I wasn't comfortable sharing with coworkers or anyone beyond immediate family until I was confident and feeling regular movement. Some people at work outright asked me around 10-11 weeks and I just lied and said no. I didn't want to be pressured into announcing before I was ready. Later, after it came out that I was indeed pregnant coworkers were all like "but you said you weren't when xxx asked you!" I just said "well, I wasn't comfortable announcing then." And that was that.

[hocus2]

For work -- I think is approach to tell your boss around 20 weeks or so unless you're having complications that impact your work. If you want your supervisor to keep is quiet until later that is really between your and him/her.

As to family and  friends I would do what feels right. People may already guess and say nothing. I've suspected for a while my friend was expecting. She just officially announced at 21  weeks.

[WhatYouSee]

Oct 28, 2014 10:16:42 GMT -5 meltoine said:

With DS1 I just didn't tell people for a while. Like 30 weeks. We were living overseas and we told local friends (we only had a few) around 16 weeks. But everyone back home? We never posted a Facebook announcement and we didn't talk to most of our friends because of the huge time difference. I think my sister made a big deal of me "liking" BumGenius's FB page around 30 weeks and some people caught on then.

We told our parents and siblings around 14 weeks.

We had just gotten married and I didn't want people obsessively doing math to figure out if I got pregnant before we got married. The whole idea of that squicked me out. Plus, my husband had a meeting with some members of a foreign government when I was about 7 weeks, and they asked him how the baby was. We hadn't told anyone and I hadn't even been to the doctor yet. That really, really, really creeped me out. After that I just didn't want to discuss it with anyone.

Huh?  How did they know?

[glitzy07]

We went out to dinner with very close friends at 8 weeks for her birthday and it would have been glaringly obvious if I didn't order my favorite drink from the specific restaurant, so we told them then.

I told my work BFF at 10 weeks because we were having a work happy hour and I needed her help to disguise my non-drinking. She suspected because I had asked a question about vacation time or something along those lines. She was also pregnant 13 weeks later and in the same boat.

We told all family at Christmas, at just shy of 12 weeks. I think I told work at around 16 weeks.

[Deleted]

With my first my boss knew around 10 weeks, we had a very good relationship and I had no problems telling her or any other family members around that time.

This time around I've been more mum on the topic. We told our siblings and parents around 12 weeks (we struggled with IF for 5 years so I just wanted to hold onto the "secret" for a while), I told my boss around 16 weeks and it's gradually come out to come co-workers over the course of conversation and a protruding belly over the last 2 weeks or so. I haven't been shouting it from the rooftops, it's my business and not everyone needs to know what's going on.

I think that your co-worker is a nut-job! However; there is no need to tell her or any of your other co-workers if you choose not to. Also, it's not your bosses place to let anyone in your company know until your ready and I hope that they would respect that.

[roo54]

With DD we told our parents once we had the first ultrasound, so we knew for sure that there was a baby there. Then we told everyone else after 12 weeks. The day after I got my BFP, was reunion weekend at my college which includes a mug night. They had ginger ale, so I put that in my mug and with the crazy lighting it kinda looked like beer. That was tough. I never put anything about my pregnancy on facebook until after I gave birth.

This time, so far a few of my friends know, and my parents know. We haven't seen DH's parents to tell them. Then we will tell the rest of our families at thanksgiving. I haven't decided if we will tell facebook this time or not. I'm leaning towards not until after the baby is here. I dont want everyone that I'm not close with asking questions.

[bearbaby]

Told immediate family around 7/8 weeks (parents and siblings only)

Told my boss around 8/9 weeks because I had a lengthy demanding commute, was having some episodes of spotting that seemed to be triggered by running for trains/subways and so wanted to leave ~10 mins earlier each day. (Yes - this was an old-school work environment where that somehow mattered - fortunately I was close with my boss so it made it a little easier)

Told friends after N/T scan. Had to hide drinking on numerous occasions - I either ordered a club soda with lime (fortunately one of my go-to drinks was a vodka soda anyway, so this looked the same) and one time had to awkwardly flub my way out of drinking at a wine bar with "being out too late" the night before. One time I chased down a server after ordering a real drink to tell her to make it fake.

I've been told now that friend's wives suspected, but no one called me on it.

Told big bosses at 13 weeks at that pressure of my boss (he had boundary issues about personal lives) and was not really comfortable doing so. I would have preferred to wait until 16/18 weeks. There was an issue of figuring out getting in resources for coverage of my ML, which required time.

Announced on FB at about 21 weeks.