Post by ilikedonuts on Oct 28, 2014 16:47:44 GMT -5
I think saying you'll visit AROUND the holiday is more then enough of a compromise. I wouldn't want to spend $$$ and travel with kids either on a holiday. Its completely different IMO waking up in your own house and doing your own thing then being in someone else's house or in a hotel.
Post by irishbride2 on Oct 28, 2014 16:57:42 GMT -5
There are no right and wrong answers.
However when we moved near my family, we agreed that we would split holidays. We did not think it was fair to do every holiday with my family. So every other Christmas we go to see his family.
I understand that having Christmas traditions in your house is very important to you. but it seems spending some christmases with his family is important to him. Neither one trumps IMO. You need to find a compromise somehow.
For us, we still have traditions we do every year, they just travel with us. Would I much rather spend every christmas at home? Yes. But its not just about me. Right now, the kids do not know any differently and they enjoy having Christmas no matter where it is. We might change it as they get older.
But that might not work for you. Every family is different.
Post by rootbeerfloat on Oct 28, 2014 17:02:29 GMT -5
I agree a compromise can take many forms. It doesn't have to be every other year or every holiday.
We spend Christmas with my H's family every 3-5 years or so. They're all spread out, and if they can manage a get-together during another time of year (e.g., BIL's wedding last summer) or we can convince the ILs to come see us, that's great, but usually they all get together at Christmas, so we go when we can.
To me, once you have kids, the kids and THEIR experience of the holidays becomes the priority. Is making them travel every other year fair to THEM? This is what I feel needs to be discussed.
Don't get me wrong - I don't think the adults enjoyment of the holidays gets thrown out. I just feel like the priority needs to be on what is best for the kids.
ETA: this could mean seeing family, regardless of where they are, is the priority. But honestly - to me, this means staying at home and creating traditions that the kids will remember in their own home. There is such a joy, to me, in my memories of my nice, warm, comfy Christmas mornings in MY house.
Team you. Once you grow up, you get married and create a family; you need to let go of trying to replicate your own childhood traditions and make some new ones for your own child.
If it's about seeing family, then the large family wedding seems most effective toward that end. He's being a bit of a man-child suggesting you suck it up so he can sleep in his childhood room rather than affording his child that consideration.
Team you. Christmas is about children and Santa( well and Jesus and stuff if you are so inclined). That doesn't work if you aren't in your own house.
What did dh do with his family of origin as a child? Did he get on a plane and not spend it at his own house, or did he get to have a normal kids Christmas morning? Sometimes people need to be reminded that their family of origin is no longer their top priority, and it sounds like your dh is forgetting that a bit. Invite your inlaws to your house. If they decline, then they can be the unmoving ones , not you.
I'm on your side. After our first Christmas with a kid we never traveled on Christmas again because I refused. Luckily my DH got on board & it wasn't a major issue. I too think it's super important for kids to wake up at home & have your own traditions. I hope your H comes around.
I grew up in a family that would leave at the ass crack of dawn to drive 8 hours, on Christmas morning, to be at my grandparent's house. We alternated years with my mom's parents and my dad's parents-one at Thanksgiving, one at Christmas. Family GTGs were (and still are) a HUGE deal.
One of the things that both of my parents regret is not doing Christmas with just our little family.
That being said-I feel your husband's pain on this one. I grew up with the traditions-and those are hard to let go of and move past. When DS was born, we said we were done traveling for the holidays. Period. It's too stressful, it's freaking expensive, and so, so busy. It's hardly enjoyable. We also wanted our own traditions. DS didn't "get" Santa/gifts last year-but it was so.much.fun watching him light up in the comfort of our own home, lounging around in our PJs, and opening gifts.
We're actually to the point with my dad that if he doesn't come here (because he's cheap and "too busy") then we will only see him every other year. I'm now at the point where I firmly believe that travel needs to be equal on all sides-provided each party is able to do it (physically and financially).
When I had dd1 I said I was not traveling on holidays anymore. I am willing to host anyone who wants to come to my house though.
That said, as a kid from the age of 8 I spent maybe 3 Christmases at home. All others were at my cousins and I loved it. We did aggregate a few times but to me, sleeping on the floor with my cousins and waking up with them to see our stockings was my tradition. So just because you travel doesn't mean your kids won't love it.
I have one rule about Christmas. C wakes up in her own bed Christmas morning. Anything else is fair game. I'll travel before or after the actual day but our at-home traditions are important to me.
holidays are about family to me. We travel to my parents/ILs (they are neighbors) and I wouldn't do it any other way. They love waking up at Grandma's on Christmas and we all get to be together.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Once you have kids, I think "being at home with the family" changes to being home with the family, and not your old home where you were a kid. I'm sure the reason that he wants to be "home with family" is because Christmas feels better there because family traditions were made there. Now it's time to make those memories for your own kids.
I'm with you. I had a rule that I made (hopefully) clear when I was pregnant and before. Once I had kids, my husband, myself and the kids weren't traveling on Christmas day. IF you want to see us/grandkids, you come to us.
We have a similar situation. DH's family is 3.5 hours a away by plane. It is important to him to spend holidays with his family, so we alternate visiting them for Thanksgiving one year, then Christmas the next. Air travel over the holidays with three small kids is neither easy nor cheap, but I know how much it would bum out DH and my ILs to never spend Christmas together, so we do it.
This year we are flying out on the afternoon of Dec. 25 so our kids can have Christmas morning at home. It is not going over well with my MIL, but that is our compromise.