I wish this was easier.

[Deleted]

I promise I will bring up the anxiety tomorrow.

[Deleted]

This has been going on for quite some time. It's taken me months to admit to anyone here on or off board. And trust me, I still have plenty of excuses for a lot of the things I do or do not do.

[Deleted]

Thank you.

[medicmommy]

Hugs!

Seriously, as hard as it is, NOW is the time to get it out and learn coping mechanisms for any hell he put you through. Otherwise, you will continue to be a prisoner to him. You and your babies deserve SO much more. You getting help also helps them have the best, most focused mommy ever (not in any way implying you are not a fantastic mom now). Good luck!

[awick14]

I don't know what happened between you an your xh, but your children deserve a mother who can take care if them and you seem like you are really trying! Just keep going an it will hopefully get better soon!

(sorry if that sounded kinda rude, my mom suffered for years with depression an didn't get help until my dad forced her to an I have so many happy memories after she struggled through counseling)

((((((hugs)))))))

[Deleted]

the counselor is your safe place to say these things, right? Admitting these things happened will not make her judge you. She wants to help you. I'm sorry JLM.

[JamaicanPineapple]

These ladies gave you all sorts of great advice. I just want to offer you hugs and strength as you go through this. You will come out on top in the end, just get through this tough stuff and it will be smoother sailing in the future. Take care of youself and hug the heck out of those little girls!

[poppyseed]

I'm so sorry you're feeling overwhelmed, j. Like gozf said, it will be worth it in the long term. I hope you feel better soon.

[Deleted]

I am so sorry you are going thru this right now. Unfortunately, like everyone else said it is necessary for future good mental health. You can and will get thru this. Good luck today with your therapist and please talk about your anxiety. ((hugs))

[idoinjuly]

You are one of the strongest people I "know". You are an amazing, strong woman. Therapy is tough at first, but will be so worth it in the long run. I wish we lived close so I could give you a big hug, then babysit your girls for a few hours so you could have some me time.

[wildfloweragain]

The reply about first think about if it is life or death is so helpful, it makes me want to print it out and tuck it away for when I need it:)

The other thing that helps me some days is this: You pick your life now. You are in charge.

I guess it helps me to feel like I have the life I want, and I'm okay now, instead of focusing on things I can't control.

[Mrs.Beagle]

Jlm, you can do this. This is that hard part about therapy; working THROUGH instead of around. The only way out is through.

What SueSue said about the boil is a good analogy (packing it away for future use with clients): The gross stuff is bubbling under the surface. It will just sit there and fester if you don't let it out and get the healing started.

It's gross and it hurts, but when you're done and bandaged up and the wounds heal, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

Lots and lots of hugs. I'm also available off board to talk.

[peachykate]

First off, lot of hugs. You kick total and complete ass and you will work through this, I love sue sue's analogy and think it is perfect for this situation.

When you see your therapist tonight and talk with her about your anxiety, I would see if she can put aside the last ten minutes or so to work on relaxation techniques with you. I also suffer with anxiety and had some PTSD issues after I was raped and benefited tremendously from the relaxation therapist my normal therapist sent me to.

[winston]

I just want to come in to give you a hug and to say that I'm really impressed with the way you're taking charge of your life. I'm sorry that this part is so hard, but I hope that it will end up making your life much, much happier in the long run.

[bcv513]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, J. I wish I could give you a hug. You are an amazingly strong woman and a fantastic mother and advocate for your girls. They are SO lucky to have you. I love Sue's boil analogy. It stinks and hurts now, but it will be so much better down the road.

[Kit]

I'm sorry this is so hard for you. You don't deserve any of this. Be strong, you have a great support system here, and we are here for you! You can do this. I'm sorry you're hurting.

[lightbulbsun]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It will get better with time. You can do it!

(((jlm)))

[Cayl]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you go to therapy once a week would it maybe help (or even be possible) to go twice a week until you've gotten everything out and start to feel a little better? I'm just thinking it could be like ripping off a bandaid - if you go to more sessions and get it all out quicker, you might be able to not feel so bad sooner. Good luck!

[eightangryreindeer]

lofl that therapy should be a soft spot in the week.

A safe place, yes. A soft spot, yeah no.

jlm sorry that you're suffering but you need this, badly.

[flamingeaux]

Get it all out, it might be messy, but think how happy you'll be when you're done

[mrssavy42112]

Jul 30, 2012 22:52:56 GMT -5 gozf said:

Unpacking repressed traumas sucks, but it's the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. It would probably also help to tell your therapist exactly how anxious this process makes you.

I hope things get better for you soon. Can you plan something fun for tomorrow evening or Wednesday, to reward yourself for the hard but necessary work you'll be doing at your appointment tomorrow?

Yep, ALL of this. If you express to your therapist how this is making you feel s/he can assess whether you're really ready for this or not. Self diagnosing (saying you need a break, need medication) isn't going to help. Let them help you. You'll be surprised at how strong you really are and how much you can really do. It may be incredibly hard, but it will be worth it in the end.

I really hope everything goes well for you. ({) (})

[Lauren88]

I have been where you are with the anxiety and the non stop crying. I did that for months after I moved out of my marital home and in with my parents. It was a horrible feeling but for me the crying did seem to help get those emotions out instead of stuffing them in. I hated feeling out of control with them but I feel like without dealing with them I wouldn't be feeling a little bit better now.

It's going to be a hard road like everyone else said but I promise you will feel better one day and in the long run you will have done yourself a huge favor by addressing the issues right now. Sending you a huge hug!!

[gmail]

I'm a lurker, but I just wanted to say (and this might have already been said!) but you are setting a GREAT example and being such an amazing role model for your little ones.
You're showing them that it's GOOD to reach out and ask for help when you need it, to fight through the bad and the pain...knowing that it's going to be better for you in the long run. It's good to accept support when it's offered and it's okay (and good for you) to acknowledge past injustices in order to move forward.

The ladies here seem like they are a great support for you, and it sounds like your therapist is a good fit. I wish you the very very best.

[gault]

It's not the therapy causing her anxiety, applebear, it's the extraordinarily shitty events she has overcome which are suddenly bubbling to the surface. Anyone would be upset over that.

One of the hardest things to do is start the process of healing and ask for help, and you've already done that. Just think of this as the scabbing over of a wound. Or sue-sue's analogy. lol. Either way, you are doing amazing things for your life and your family's well-being. You should be so proud of yourself.