Tips for toddler defiance?

[redheadbaker]

DS has disc

[redheadbaker]

DS has discovered the "joy" of saying"No" just because he can. This makes us late in the morning, and I have a train to catch to work. I can't get him up earlier -- that makes his behavior worse -- help!

[redheadbaker]

Oct 29, 2014 8:04:49 GMT -5 @this said:

Also is he getting enough sleep? Could you put him to bed any earlier?

Oh, he definitely needs needs more sleep. Just had a lovely "discussion" with S.O. about that.

DS' sleep schedule got all out of whack last weekend. He typically naps 12 or 1 until 2 or 3 and goes to bed between 7 and 8. During the week, he gets home with S.O. around 6, 6:30, and I've asked S.O. to make him dinner and start getting him ready for bed.

But he'll get distracted trying to complete his MyFitnessPal food log or something, other times DS "stalls" so he can see me when I get home (my current contract job expects insane amounts of overtime). But S.O. is extremely defensive and trying to talk to him about how to help DS get more sleep becomes about how I think he's an awful parent.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 29, 2014 8:12:24 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Mostly I just ignore it. Pick your battles and don't engage the defiance because that feeds it. He wants to push your buttons, so don't let him (I know easier said than done!). He's testing you to see how far he can push you and feeling out his boundaries. It's a normal part of increasing independence but it can be very frustrating for the patent.

In the morning, I can't. Or else I will never get to work on time.

[Deleted]

Oct 29, 2014 8:12:24 GMT -5 @lcap said:

Mostly I just ignore it. Pick your battles and don't engage the defiance because that feeds it. He wants to push your buttons, so don't let him (I know easier said than done!). He's testing you to see how far he can push you and feeling out his boundaries. It's a normal part of increasing independence but it can be very frustrating for the patent.

I agree with this. 
I just remember that because she says NO doesn't mean it's going to happen. 
I give choices if I don't care/it's plausible otherwise what I need to happen is going to happen if I have to throw her in the car myself.  

And I ignore overall sassy for the most part. Sometimes DD really has no idea what she's saying and addressing it makes it worse. It's obvious when she knows.

[aspentosh]

I do what lcap does and ignore it when it's not necessary for me to discipline her. It's becoming an increasing problem the past couple weeks. She's also started screaming really loudly if we say no. Fun times.

What I do that sometimes works- offer options ("we need to put on shoes for preschool... would you like this pair or this one?") or let her know that once we do X, we can do Y or Z.

[redheadbaker]

The thing I can't ignore is he says no when I tell him it's time to leave. I have a possible broken rib, so I can't physically pick him up and take him out to the car. S.O. has already left at this point and can't do it for me.

I'm going to try @this' suggestion of asking him to be a helper and carry something for me.

[aspentosh]

Maybe play into the "big boy" thing. "Want to be a big boy and help me carry this?". "Want to be just like daddy and help mommy do this?" etc..

[Deleted]

Bribery also helps. Give him one small treat every day he gets into the damn car without a fight. One jelly bean or skittle or tic tac might just be the right currency to get cooperation.

As for the rest? I wouldn't make him do anything. Go to daycare hungry in his pajamas. Pack clothes in his bag and let them sort it out.

ETA: I really need to move DS over to clicker training so he doesn't ruin his teeth on candy.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 29, 2014 9:05:11 GMT -5 @mrswindycity said:

The helper thing is good. DS2 looooooooooves carrying bags to the car before daycare. He actually gets pissed if someone else takes them.

Also, make it a race. I think he is 2+ right? See if he can get ready before you ____ or get to the car before you or whatever.

He'll be 3 in a few weeks. Thanks! I think he'll like the race idea.

[redheadbaker]

Oct 29, 2014 9:14:47 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Bribery also helps. Give him one small treat every day he gets into the damn car without a fight. One jelly bean or skittle or tic tac might just be the right currency to get cooperation.

As for the rest? I wouldn't make him do anything. Go to daycare hungry in his pajamas. Pack clothes in his bag and let them sort it out.

ETA: I really need to move DS over to clicker training so he doesn't ruin his teeth on candy.

LOL, we joked a while ago that we should start clicker training DS.

S.O. and I met while volunteering to train the adoptable dogs at the local SPCA.