I don't want to do this funeral tomorrow

[thebamker]

I know - poor me. ugh. At least it's not my child... but crap - this is hard. I can't stand to see my cousin like this. It's the worst thing in the world.

Also - I'm TERRIFIED by the fact that she sent me a photo of her son right before he died. It was a horrible photo but she wanted to share it with me, so that was fine. His eyes were open and it looked like he was reaching out for her. True be told - it was actually very beautiful except for the fact that he was basically black (from internal bleeding) from the chest down - which added the major 'horrible' factor.

Well - I didn't realize my son was standing there and he got a milli-second glimpse of the picture (I guess). I didn't believe it even registered with him what it was. He didn't mention it or anything.

This morning - I tell them we are going to see our family tomorrow and he says to me - "mom - I saw that dead baby on your phone." :-| what!?

I didn't even know what to say, but I fumbled around and told him that it was not a picture of a dead baby. just a sick baby. which is true. but really - I'm hating myself for not knowing he was there and I'm so scared he will say something to one of my cousin's other kids about it.

I'm honestly still not positive if he saw it or he just heard me saying something to H about it.

he's 5. do I address it with him, or will that just make it worse?

Sue? where are you???

[thebamker]

I would also like to mention that she asked me to do a reading b/c she thinking I can keep my composure - which I can. That said - I am the WORST out-loud reader on the planet. I have a bit of dyslexia and once I stumble - I'm dunzo.

There was not a chance in hell I would tell her 'no' to ANYTHING she asked of me... so I confidently said - "of course I will! no problem!"

Lord help me.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry. This has to be really hard for all of you.

[hisno1girl]

Ask him if he has any questions. If he does and he has a basic understanding about heaven, I'd just tell him the baby was in heaven now.

If he doesn't have questions, let it go.

I've thought about you, your cousin and her baby quite often over the past couple of days and it makes my heart ache for you.

I backed out of a funeral for a 12 year old, a baby's funeral is almost too much to bear.

((hugs & prayers))

[underwaterrhymes]

Oh Floyd. I'm so sorry. I think since he mentioned it you could probably ask him if he wants to talk about the picture he saw and go from there.

Do you know what you're going to read? I have a beautiful poem that I've read at two of my aunts' funerals that I find very moving, but you or she might already have something in mind.

[papie]

I would tell him that the picture was a very sick baby right before he went to heaven, and that he was in heaven now. And then let him talk if he has questions but don't push it.

I'm so sorry floyd, what a heartbreaking situation. I wouldn't want to go to the funeral either, there is nothing worse than a baby dying.

(((hugs)))

[thebamker]

Thanks you guys.

under - It's just a reading from the Bible. but they always have hard (lol) words and weird run-on sentences with strange timing.

basically a disaster for a girl like me.

I have no reason to be 'nervous'... it's just family - but I really would like to do it justice if I'm going to do it. I just suck at reading. end of story.

[mamasaurus]

I would lose my shit completely over anything dead-baby-related. In fact, I feel kind of not good just from typing those words. I don't know if I'd be able to do it if I were you, which would make me feel really shitty because clearly, she needs you. She's very lucky to have you for a cousin.

I think maybe you should talk to him. When I was a kid there were all these things my parents Did Not Talk About with me. I usually went and asked somebody, often the very last person on earth I should have asked. Plus, it will be easier hearing it from you than pretty much anybody else because if he gets upset, you can hug him and say how much you love him, and generally help him feel better.

[iamgrace]

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I have no advice.

[mishap]

I'm so, so sorry for your cousin. I am sure that any way you give the reading will be just fine under the circumstances.

[nahoku]

I'm so sorry, floyd. Unfortunately, I've been to way too many funerals for children and they are about the worst thing in the world. GL with your reading tomorrow, you will get through it.

I agree with the PPs regarding the picture. Talk to him about how the baby was very sick and ask him if he has any questions about it. My son is very sensitive about things like this but usually doesn't have any questions - he just worries about it. So maybe he'll just need some extra hugs (and you could probably use them too, so (((hugs))) your way).

[underwaterrhymes]

Sending hugs your way. You are very well-spoken and even if you struggle a bit, it will be beautiful because it will be heartfelt and it will be with love.

[sprky79]

I had to go to a preemie baby funeral this year, on Valentine's Day no less. There is no good way. Just be there for your cousin and then go home and hug your babies and have a giant glass of wine

[flex]

Your cousin needs you--you must be strong.

Ask your son if he wants to talk about the picture. If he does, answer any questions he may have.

[Nicole]

Floyd, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how difficult this is for everyone.

[vicky]

Im so very sorry, Floyd. I know that you'll be fine.
I had to do a reading at both of my grandparents' funerals, and while it is tough, you will be brave and be perfect.
Good luck tomorrow. Give yourself extra loving.

[moolarkey]

Have you thought about finding a more modern translation of this particular verse? That might be easier to read.

[WOT?*]

I am so sorry. I wouldn't want to go either. Just knowing about it makes my throat tighten up. You are a brave and caring person and you'll do fine. Even if it's a bit of a struggle, it's family and they love you.

Do you know the verse she would like you to read? Practice it tonight until you have it memorized (or nearly enough) so that you can recite rather than read. You'll be able to get your tempo down and confidence up.

If your son saw the pic, ask him if he has any questions. I don't know if I'd tell him he was "very sick and now he's in Heaven" because it might give him a notion that if he gets "very sick" he might end up going to Heaven too; it's unlikely that he'd end up with a head cold but I'm a ninny who overworries. Maybe "He was too little when he was born and he wasn't strong enough. He tried very hard but he was too weak and it was too hard for him and he's in Heaven now."

Your cousin's story breaks my heart. And you have my utmost respect for how well you are handling it. I am so sorry.

[thebamker]

We already talked about the baby being in heaven and how happy he is, ect.

That part was ok... it's just the visual that I don't want him to have. and I don't want him to say it all 'matter of fact' like that in front of anyone but me. I would die in horror. omg.

My kids actually got to see the baby in the hospital, which I figured was fine b/c he was perfectly healthy and I thought it was awesome for them to see how tiny he was. they were amazed - obviously... but now it hits a little close to home for them b/c they had that bit of personal connection.