Bad feeling that DH is drinking again

[flex]

Is he going to meetings--working with a sponsor?

You know, I have a better appreciation for the spouses who have to deal with an alcoholic since this board started. My ex-h never fully trusted me even after I sobered up. Once he went off on me after I'd been sober over two years (this was before cell phones) because I hadn't communicated to him that I had a hair appointment that would take two hours. When he didn't see or hear from me, he freaked out. I thought "geez, how paranoid can ya get?", but in hindsight I can see how my drinking and carousing affected him.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Nov 3, 2014 19:42:14 GMT -5 @evelynrichards said:

Nov 3, 2014 17:44:25 GMT -5 flex said:

Is he going to meetings--working with a sponsor?

You know, I have a better appreciation for the spouses who have to deal with an alcoholic since this board started. My ex-h never fully trusted me even after I sobered up. Once he went off on me after I'd been sober over two years (this was before cell phones) because I hadn't communicated to him that I had a hair appointment that would take two hours. When he didn't see or hear from me, he freaked out. I thought "geez, how paranoid can ya get?", but in hindsight I can see how my drinking and carousing affected him.

I honestly have trouble picturing trusting him fully again, and I don't know how I feel about that. I was getting there before he slipped this summer, and I've been feeling very defeated about it ever since.

I had problems trusting stbxh when he got out of rehab. when he relapsed AGAIN I was done. there was no trust left and I filed for divorce. it was worth my sanity to do that bc I simply COULD NEVER trust him again and what's any sort of a relationship wo trust ? I'd be back to walking on eggshells waiting for him to slip up and after living practically a year not walking on eggshells it felt pretty damn good NOT to be walking on them and why would I willingly go back.

its something I worked out and something you'll have to work out too .. al-anon in this instance was a godsend to me.

[arch01]

I'm just here to read the responses. I just booked DH's plane ticket to come home Friday,, and the thought of him being home scares the ever loving shit outta me.

So, for now, all I have is a hug for you @evelynrichards. I hope that he's not only not drinking but you two will continue to work toward rebuilding trust. DH and I talked about this exact topic tonight after he got my impact letter today. It's going to be a long road ahead.

[btay]

The trust can take a looooong time to rebuild, especially when relapses have happened. It is ok to not trust him. Al Anon has been a huge help in dealing with this, and I think meeting with the counselor will be a huge help as well.

[lexxasaurus]

Trust is not easy to regain, and paranoia takes a while to go away.
It's so tough to navigate from either side. Now that I'm the one in recovery, I second guess myself more than my partner does I think. Last night I fell asleep early, got up briefly after he was home, then slept through the night. I was so worried he would think I had been drinking and passed out. I felt like if I tried to bring it up, he would be more suspicious.

Basically, recovery is hard. It's hard on everyone involved, nothing that you feel or think or doubt is wrong. Both of you have been through a hell of a time, and I'm glad you made an appointment to meet with your counselor. Keep taking care of yourself, that's the most important thing you could do.

[lexxasaurus]

Evelyn, how long has your H been sober now? I think all of my friends from the program have battled with that. Some people accept quickly they will never ever drink again, others think they will magically learn to moderate. I was one of the moderation folks! It took a while to sink in, so don't let that thought discourage you too much.