Acknowledging CW's loss when you are remote

[y4m]

I work remotely but see my coworkers in quarterly meetings.  A colleague I used to be fairly close to (I was promoted and she wasn't, so that put a bit of a wall between us) was public about her ~12 week pregnancy at the last quarterly meeting.  I've learned that just after going public, she lost the baby.  I probably won't see her in person again until January, but it's likely we'll have occasion to talk on the phone between now and then.

It would be easy enough to just never mention this again given how our interactions are structured - and maybe that's what she would want.  But my gut tells me the right thing to do is bring up the loss somehow to acknowledge it.

What do you think?  How would you handle?

[ECB]

I wouldn't be the one to bring it up. If SHE somehow brings it up, that's fine. But I think it would be weird for you to do it.

if you want to acknowledge it, send her a card. I think bringing it up on the phone when she isn't prepared for it could REALLY upset her.

[AAM2012]

I wouldn't bring it up unless she made some sort of public announcement that she lost the baby. If she bring it up you can extend your condolences but I wouldn't do anything beyond that.

[Deleted]

I'd send her a card or drop her an email.

[HoneySpider]

I would send her a card

[y4m]

Nov 4, 2014 9:16:31 GMT -5 AAM2012 said:

I wouldn't bring it up unless she made some sort of public announcement that she lost the baby. If she bring it up you can extend your condolences but I wouldn't do anything beyond that.

She asked her manager to spread the word so she wouldn't have to.

[ECB]

Nov 4, 2014 9:21:33 GMT -5 y4m said:

Nov 4, 2014 9:16:31 GMT -5 AAM2012 said:

I wouldn't bring it up unless she made some sort of public announcement that she lost the baby. If she bring it up you can extend your condolences but I wouldn't do anything beyond that.

She asked her manager to spread the word so she wouldn't have to.

Even more so- she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to be confronted with a litany of condolences. 

I'd send her a card. 

[sometimesrunner]

Nov 4, 2014 9:26:24 GMT -5 ECB said:

Nov 4, 2014 9:21:33 GMT -5 y4m said:

She asked her manager to spread the word so she wouldn't have to.

Even more so- she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't want to be confronted with a litany of condolences. 

I'd send her a card. 

Yep. Exactly this. It is SO SWEET for you to think of her, but trust me she does not want to talk about it.

[raangoli]

That is really kind of you to think of her; I think a card is the best way to handle this. I am sure she will appreciate your thoughts.

[badtzmaru22]

Definitely send a card, but I also want to say it's still ok to offer your condolences in person/phone. When I was going through it, it was almost worse when people who had known I was pregnant just ignored it. I know no one knows what to say, and no one wants to say the wrong thing, but I would have rather had people try.

Just a simple, "how are you doing?" will be enough to show her you care, and leaves it open for her to respond more if she wants to. Everyone is different, and I certainly didn't want to have to "untell" people, but there did come a point where I was ready and wanted to talk about it.

[y4m]

Thanks all--I really appreciate the guidance.