XP: I need your help

[BioNerd]

My H was terminated yesterday.

Another teacher at my school pulled me aside today (she worked with him part-time) and told me that last Thursday he asked her to purchase some sudafed for him on her way in.

Apparently, she was not the first. The HR investigation was for this- not what he originally told me. Which means he was terminated for essentially asking his employees (assistant manager) to buy him drugs.

So I confronted him, blah blah blah. I told him he was not welcome to stay in our house tonight. (This is not our first issue with drug addiction.)

He called his mother and she said, "you're married to Lobster, why should this be our problem?"

What parent says that when their child calls and tells them he's been kicked out because of his addiction and he's coming to stay with them?

I'm pissed at his parents. I'm pissed at him.

He's here tonight. Sleeping in DS's room. DS is snuggled in with me. I did tell him he needs to figure out what to do tomorrow night.

[SwimDeep]

He would only need to ask others to buy sudafed for him if he wanted the stuff that's now kept behind the pharmacy counter (the stuff you have to put down your driver's license info for). I cannot imagine how much of it you would have to take to get a high without cooking it down into something else.

Don't let him manipulate you. It was kind of you to let him stay tonight. He's a grown man. He can get his shit together.

(((hugs)))

[spedrunner]

xoxox

addiction is not fun for either. I know. I have been married to two addicts

The thing is. They will lie, cheat, steal do anything to get their fix. YOU can not stop that. Take care of you. Your H will have to decide whether he is serious about saving his life and family. You need to be strong and firm and not let him talk himself out of it.......if they terminated him. I am sure it was pretty sufficient

xoxo

check out my blog for support , i write a lot about addictions and how I got through

[pinkdutchtulips]

Nov 4, 2014 23:13:00 GMT -5 BioNerd said:

He called his mother and she said, "you're married to Lobster, why should this be our problem?"

What parent says that when their child calls and tells them he's been kicked out because of his addiction and he's coming to stay with them?

I'm pissed at his parents. I'm pissed at him.

He's here tonight. Sleeping in DS's room. DS is snuggled in with me. I did tell him he needs to figure out what to do tomorrow night.

stbxh's family tried to help - they all wanted to see him get better and stay better (this is was 2nd go round w/ addiction - the first was 15 years prior- 3 years before he met me) bc he had a family now. everyone was very supportive of him getting better but once the 3rd relapse occurred that was it for EVERYONE !

stbxh's family will not take him in period. he's on his own. he's called me a cold hearted b!tch over it and how I've got a heart of stone bc I refuse to take him back or even entertain the idea of it.

also good for you for making your h sleep in another room. stbxh was in an in-between stage post rehab and pre-relapse and I made him sleep in dd's room bc the LAST place I wanted him was in my room.

[toastie]

I am so sorry you're going through this. Does he recognize himself as an addict? For my DH the biggest issue was that in his mind, he wasn't an alcoholic, he just enjoyed drinking.

I told him he had to go to therapy, I couldn't be his dr anymore. The therapist told he he was an alcoholic and DH said "i can stop anytime". The therapist posed the question of "if it's causing this many problems, then why don't you".

2 days later DH confessed to me that he was an alcoholic, once he decided to quit drinking he realized he couldn't.

I agree that his parents did the right thing. They are allowing him to live with the consequence of his actions. You need to do the same. It was nice of you to let him stay the night, but he's an adult who made a choice and now he suffers the consequences.

Has he ever gone to rehab? Does he want to go to rehab? If I were you I would to go Al-anon. It might help you be in a better position as the wife of an addict.

[lexxasaurus]

I get why you're angry with his parents but they're doing the right thing. They are NOT helping him, because that would just be enabling his addict behavior. You need to tell him ypu're sorry he has no place to go and really stick to your guns about him needing to find another place to stay. He's going to have to suffer consequences before he changes anything.

Past just not staying there tomorrow, you need to decide how to proceed. You need bottom lines and it sounds like he needs to get help. Get in the program, rehab, OP treatment, therapy, whatever it will take him to deal with his drug problems. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

[malibu]

I'm so sorry, BioNerd.

I agree with PPs; his parents, while it seems assholish to you in that they've basically decided he's 'your problem' now because you're married to him, they did do the right thing in not enabling the behavior.

I too wonder if he will admit to being an addict? You say this isn't your first issue with drug use. How did the first (or second, etc.) time around with this go?

[BioNerd]

He's admitted it before. He said it today on the phone too.