My MIL is a real piece of work.

[Deleted]

She's generally a perfectly nice person, but she has issues stemming from the divorce from FIL. They divorced about, oh, 15 or 16 years ago. FIL remarried before I even met H, which was 11 years ago. MIL has not remarried. FIL and SMIL may have started their relationship pre-divorce. I am not clear on the details, and I don't care. Don't want to know, don't need to know.

The way I figure it, this is all ancient history. There were many reasons for the divorce as I hear it, and MIL was not innocent. But she is SO resentful and spiteful. She makes the grandkids (our two and my niece and nephew) birthdays difficult with a poor attitude and snide comments. She can be downright nasty honestly.

The worst of it that she hates it when any of spend time with SMIL's family. SMIL has a very large family, she is one of a shitton of kids who all also had a shitton of kids apiece. Except for her, she only had two. My girls have spent a ton of time with these people, know all their names (where I still struggle), call them aunts, uncles, etc.

Sidenote - we even had the kids all call SMIL a name other than grandma in order not to upset MIL, lame I know.

As for SMIL's family, she has a grandson, whom H and I consider our nephew and the girls' cousin. SIL and her H feel the same. My nephew (age 5) referred to him as his cousin in front of MIL, and she flipped out. He's not blood, so he's not a cousin. Made the poor child cry.

The woman drives me to frustration.

[ThirdandLong]

Have you or your H talked to her about how upsetting her attitude is, and that you'd rather she kept it under control around the children? I expect even if you did she didn't listen. Has she had therapy for her resentment and anger?

[montereybride]

Your H needs to put his mother in check and tell her that she can either drop her attitude at the door or not be part of family functions. She doesn't get to decide how you relate to your SMIL and her family.

How awful of her to project her issues onto a child and make him cry. She sounds like a fucking ridiculous beast of a woman.

[Deleted]

No, we haven't. And from what I understand, in this specific instance, SIL didn't say anything. Her H was none to thrilled.

Part of me feels like it is not my place to say anthing, that it would only make things worse. Admittedly, she and I have had our own issues in the past - mainly around the time of the wedding.

I've told H that he needs to talk to her. Honestly, god help her if she makes one of my girls cry. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Therapy, that's funny. She's the victim here and has done nothing wrong, you know?

[ECB]

I wouldn't pull any punches with this. DH needs to tell her to cut her attitude in front of the kids. she can dislike it all she wants but she is not to display that to your children. You all don't see fmaily based on biological lines only and the more people who love your children, the better. THAT is what matters. And if she can't contain her attitude, then she doesn't get to spend much time w/ your kids.

Her nasty attitude hsould NOT carry down to your kids. It's unacceptable and I'd call her out on it.

[Deleted]

It truly amazes me because I would love to approach her with how she should be proud of her children being so accepting of SMIL and her family. It shows what good, loving, kind kids she (and FIL!) raised. But I know she's just so blocked off to anything remotely reasonable.

I am thrilled that my girls have all of these people in their lives that love them and enjoy spending time with them. Who cares if they are not blood related? They are very lucky little girls.

[Deleted]

ECB - I secretly want her to do something like this in front of me. I really do.

[ECB]

(I didn't realize at first read that this wasn't said in front of you all). I dont' know what your DH's relationship is like w/ his sister and his mom, but if it's not a shock that he'd have heard about this then I think he needs to approach his mom and tell her "I heard what happened w/ nephew. I'm letting you know now that this doesn't fly w us." and basically say what I said above.

If not in the moment, I do think this is something that needs to be said by your DH. But if ever "in the moment" she does this in front of YOU, I'd have NO qualms in pulling her aside and giving it to her.

[cheesierthanchedda]

Ugh. That sucks so much. Poor kiddos. I would definitely be telling H he needs to put his mother in check. Not cool.

My step sister just had a baby. This baby has *8* grandparents. Both her and her H's parents are divorced and each is remarried. There is already some grandparent competition going on, but nothing even close to being nasty like this. It's mostly the H's stepmom, who never had kids of her own, and whose house they are currently living in, who wants to be THE grandma. All the other grandmas are like, "Um, ok lady."

[ElizabethBennet]

Talk to her.

DH and I had a very similar situation with his mom and it caused a lot of strife for a long time. She HATES Dh's dad and step mom but we've made it clear to her that they are our DD's grandparents and she is not to say anything negative about them or their families around DD.

[Mrs.Beagle]

She sounds peachy. And I can see this happening with my MIL.