$100k HHI and daycare is going to break us...

[Deleted]

How is it possible to have a $100k HHI, no consumer debt, a $1700/ month mortgage and still, STILL not be able to "afford" a kid?!

We can afford this kid. I'm just mourning the trips, savings goals, new vehicles (ours are 8 and 11 years old) that we won't be able to afford because we will be paying $750-950/month in daycare.

Is there and "it gets better" for parental finances?!

[Deleted]

Hugs. I am already dreading daycare costs but in the big picture it's only 5 years, right? Have you looked at any in-home places? Those are generally cheaper from what I hear.

[luvmagoldn]

Jul 31, 2012 19:46:58 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Hugs. I am already dreading daycare costs but in the big picture it's only 5 years, right? Have you looked at any in-home places? Those are generally cheaper from what I hear.

I am sorry to tell you that it doesn't get much better. Once they hit kindergarten you may have to pay for before and after care, summer programs with before and after care or sitters (if both parents work) and activities. Kids are $$$. There is no end in sight.

Having said that, everyone finds a way to make it work. :Y:

[Deleted]

Jul 31, 2012 20:01:15 GMT -5 luvmagoldn said:

Jul 31, 2012 19:46:58 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Hugs. I am already dreading daycare costs but in the big picture it's only 5 years, right? Have you looked at any in-home places? Those are generally cheaper from what I hear.

I am sorry to tell you that it doesn't get much better. Once they hit kindergarten you may have to pay for before and after care, summer programs with before and after care or sitters (if both parents work) and activities. Kids are $$$. There is no end in sight.

Having said that, everyone finds a way to make it work.

:-(

Oh well....

[savannah11]

After 5 years of daycare payments, 3 of those years have been payments for two kids, I've come to think of it like my mortgage payment. It's a bill we pay every month and whatever is left over after bills is spending money or savings. It no longer shocks me.

DS starts kindergarten in 5 weeks. While we will still pay for after school, summer, and holiday care it will be significantly cheaper. I'm so used to that big daycare payment that I haven't let myself fantasize about what we'll do with the extra money yet.

[CloudBee]

I expect to pay $2,000 (possibly even more) for daycare in my area. gag

[oukapu]

Jul 31, 2012 21:07:20 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

It is staggering. Makes me super jealous of those who have parents who watch kids for free. Except I don't know if I would want my parents and inlaws all up in my business, but who I am kidding, to save $1200 a month I probably would be ok with it

My mom watched my nephew. I love my mom but I would pay someone instead. Too hard to be caregiver and grandma.

[catbus]

Totally understand, except for us it'll be nearly $1600/month.
We've run the numbers and can afford it, technically, but we won't be affording much else. Thinking about that monthly expense makes me so anxious.

Jul 31, 2012 21:05:58 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

I expect to pay $2,000 (possibly even more) for daycare in my area. gag

Our daycare would cost $2100/month without the discount they give employees of H's company. Insane.

[Deleted]

God dang... Living in a high cost of living town in a poor state sucks balls. thanks for the reality check on how much the rest of you are paying... DH and I both make "good money" for our town; I don't understand how people making less do it?! Though we make "good money" the minimum wage in town is still the fedeal minimum of $8.10. And we are NOT fancy people; we have Target tastes. Honestly, it makes me wish we had the resources to help a less fortunate family...

[vanillacourage]

Uh, not sure. We pay $1550/mo for two kids, no consumer debt, mortgage is ~1.5x yours plus obscene utility bills and we make it work. It sounds like you may have a lot of discretionary income pre-kids and it's weird how that goes by the wayside both sadly and easily at the same time. When you're home with a new baby you just don't go out to eat or on date nights as often. It all works out.

[ssmjlm]

I'm right there with you. Our HHI is similar and just in the last year we finally feel comfortable affording daycare, around $800/month. It's a total FWP for us, but seriously our only debt is our mortgage.

[Deleted]

Honest answer? It'll get a little cheaper but not by much. Trust me, you will find other ways to spend most of that money on them. Kids eat up every available cent, esp. if you want to help them to do activities and help them pay for college. That's just the way it goes

[Deleted]

Jul 31, 2012 23:17:55 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

When you're home with a new baby you just don't go out to eat or on date nights as often It all works out.

I anticipate our "eating out" expenses going down once baby arrives; not that it'll make a huge impact on our budget. We really are home bodies already.

[froggy76]

Yeah, that is super cheap for daycare, and your mortgage is low, too! I understand that cutting back a little sucks, but you should still be able to live pretty comfortably.

[mrssandro]

This is the exact reason we haven't had a second child yet. It will be $1400 dollars a month for daycare when we do. That is almost as much as our mortgage. My MIL already said if I happen to get knocked up with twins that she will quit her job and I can just pay her.

My kid is going to public school so I do feel like it will get better once she starts kindergarten.

[Deleted]

Aug 1, 2012 8:41:54 GMT -5 mrssandro said:

This is the exact reason we haven't had a second child yet. It will be $1400 dollars a month for daycare when we do. That is almost as much as our mortgage. My MIL already said if I happen to get knocked up with twins that she will quit her job and I can just pay her.

My kid is going to public school so I do feel like it will get better once she starts kindergarten.

Don't jinx yourself! That's what happened to us. It was my mom that said she would help (she doesn't) after we found out #2 was actually 2 & 3. We were ready for 2 in daycare, not 3, but you manage!

[Ashley&Scott]

Ditto Vanilla, it will all balance out. Our entertainment/eating out spending has decreased significantly since DS was born.

[Deleted]

Aug 1, 2012 17:29:53 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

God, am I the only one who has not spent less on eating out or entertainment? Between ordering in pizza or Chinese or Indian or Thai or splurging when DH and I do have a date night, we're spending just as much now.

I do kind of worry that we'll hit a point where the "I don't give a fuck what's for dinner" comes out and we eat out (or order in) just as much.

I mean seriously, how is it possible that two educated, gainfully (albeit in government work) employed adults can barely afford a child!?

[GailGoldie]

yeah- that's pretty damn cheap for daycare - for an infant?? around here it's about $1200-1500/month easily.

I have only been working to have benefits the past 3 years since having the twins. I have not "made money" b/c it all goes to daycare. Starting in the fall i'll actually make some money b/c DS1 is going to K, and one of the twins is free for the preK in district (b/c of speech) and the other twin is only $450/month.... i'm THRILLED! We have minimal after care to pay for- so it's going to be really nice to finally have extra $ to pay off debt, save, go on a trip, etc.

your life changes - you get used to it. DH and i used to eat out ALL THE TIME. Now we do it MAYBE once/week... usually less. You don't buy clothes as often, etc... but it's all good.

[smallysmallz04]

Jul 31, 2012 21:28:41 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

Jul 31, 2012 20:26:56 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

that is dirt cheap for daycare.

Word.

I'm actually considering dropping to 10 hours per week after this baby is born because I think my after-daycare pay (for a 3-year old + an infant) will be the same as 10 hours per week of work and half-day preschool for DD. (I can do my 10 hours at night or on the weekends when DH is home.) I like my job, but I think I can get by with 10 hours of mental stimulation and adult interaction - DD is way more fun now that she is 2+, so I think that going part-time for a while would be a nice change. Luckily I can go back to full-time if I drastically miscalculate how much sanity I get from FT work/FT daycare.

This us exactly what I did. I work 30 hours per week at night, so no more day care (woohoo)! I also just got approved for subsidized daycare, but gave been put on the year long waitlist! So once that kicks in I can work more hours. Daycare is a bitch!
Sent from my SCH-R720 using proboards

[luvmagoldn]

Aug 1, 2012 10:04:05 GMT -5 @laredo said:

Thanks for posting, I am glad we're not alone! We make more than that and are still struggling with where to come up with an extra $1500 a month for daycare and insurance. Everyone says "you make it work", but how? Did you go into debt, not save any money for the rest of your life, skip on contributing to retirement, foreclose on your house or move to a cheaper house/location? I feel like we make good money for our area but am sick of hearing "you just make it work".

With three kids under three our child care expenses were approx. $650 a week when I worked FT. And that was pretty damn great considering three at a big center would have cost us more than that even with sibling discounts.

H and I used to talk about how we were going to make it work then after the babies came it fell in to place. Vacations? No thanks. Fine dining and happy hour? Nope. Clothes for H and me? Skip it. Expensive hair cut/color? By the way side. Lots of frivolous/mindless spending on random things? Gone.

Now some people probably should make some drastic changes in order to make it work. Moving to a cheaper house or lower COL area, spending less on cars, etc may need to happen. But I would venture to guess that for anyone frequenting this board, there is a way to make it work.

:::stepping off my soap box now:::

[moandjo]

It's tough. DS is 3 and DD is 3 months. I just went back to work and we pay $2300/month for them. This is our mortgage, student loan and car payment combined. We live in a MCOL city. We had to cut back our retirement savings quite a bit and still feel like I'm always stressed about money. We're looking at moving and the nice daycare there is $250/month less. Not huge, but a bit more breathing room. I fantasize about kindergarden, but then I know things like braces, camp, and whatever else will pop up.

My friend always says that people talk about saving for kids college, but say nothing about daycare. What we pay for our DD for the year is more than tuition to the big ten school where we live.

[moandjo]

It is basically paying for college out of pocket. Which I guess is good to get used to as we can't save much for college.

[Deleted]

Aug 1, 2012 18:20:14 GMT -5 @kar said:

Aug 1, 2012 17:29:53 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

God, am I the only one who has not spent less on eating out or entertainment? Between ordering in pizza or Chinese or Indian or Thai or splurging when DH and I do have a date night, we're spending just as much now.

Nope. I think we spend more. Oh well. Food delivery is important

we absolutely spend more.

[dutchgirl678]

Does your work offer the option to take out money for daycare pretax? With a lot of companies you can do this for $5000 per year max (per household) and it really saves you money, more than deducting it from your taxes after the fact, esp. if you make too much to qualify for the tax deduction.

[Deleted]

Aug 1, 2012 23:25:14 GMT -5 dutchgirl678 said:

Does your work offer the option to take out money for daycare pretax? With a lot of companies you can do this for $5000 per year max (per household) and it really saves you money, more than deducting it from your taxes after the fact, esp. if you make too much to qualify for the tax deduction.

Yes we can FLEX out up to $5,000/year for day care, which will make out tax returns nice. We will also switch to our organization's high deductible plan and start shoveling money into an HSA, which will save us a little bit of money and be a better long-term investment.

I am being overly whiney about how much of an impact daycare will have on our finances. I knew and expected it to be a black hole of money. We'll be fine financially, and not scraping by, but money will tighten up. DH and I talked about it at length last night and I think now he "gets" why taking his full FMLA to be daddy-daycare after I go back to work is kind of a big deal; it saves us nearly $3,000! We are lucky to have that benefit available to us. Or rather, we planned well.

Really, my whole lesson in this is to wonder how people with less than a $100k HHI make it work?

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2012 8:29:46 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Really, my whole lesson in this is to wonder how people with less than a $100k HHI make it work?

Not everyone sends their kid to a pricey daycare. They have friends or family members to help; or alternate shifts with their significant other, etc.

Also, with that income, you should get tax relief that will help you.

[Deleted]

Aug 1, 2012 19:05:45 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Aug 1, 2012 18:49:32 GMT -5 moandjo said:

My friend always says that people talk about saving for kids college, but say nothing about daycare. What we pay for our DD for the year is more than tuition to the big ten school where we live.

Word. Our daycare expense is roughly equivalent to two years tuition at UCLA. Go Bruins!

DC is still less than a year of Rutgers (well, if you include room and board). That just goes to show you how fucking expensive it is for a state school :/ I am always amazed at the cost of tuition at other state schools.

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2012 8:36:54 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Aug 2, 2012 8:29:46 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Really, my whole lesson in this is to wonder how people with less than a $100k HHI make it work?

Not everyone sends their kid to a pricey daycare. They have friends or family members to help; or alternate shifts with their significant other, etc.

Also, with that income, you should get tax relief that will help you.

The family/ friends who help thing is a good point. Interesting to think about how our mobile society, where grandkids are raised in states far from grandparents, effects American wealth-building. I'm now fantasizing about what we could do with that money of my parents lived in our town...

Also, yes, we'll get a nice tax return though monthly expenses will be painful. Do people bank that tax return and draw it down through the following year? Or invest it in things they didn't have the cash to fund through the last year?

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2012 8:49:56 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Aug 2, 2012 8:36:54 GMT -5 @iheartcosmos said:

Not everyone sends their kid to a pricey daycare. They have friends or family members to help; or alternate shifts with their significant other, etc.

Also, with that income, you should get tax relief that will help you.

The family/ friends who help thing is a good point. Interesting to think about how our mobile society, where grandkids are raised in states far from grandparents, effects American wealth-building. I'm now fantasizing about what we could do with that money of my parents lived in our town...

Also, yes, we'll get a nice tax return though monthly expenses will be painful. Do people bank that tax return and draw it down through the following year? Or invest it in things they didn't have the cash to fund through the last year?

No clue, we always owe. I would suspect the more financially savvy people save it, and the less ones use it to pay down credit cards.