upset by SIL

[speckledfrog]

This did not need an ae. Sorry your feelings got hurt.

[kellbell191]

She's a cunt, your husband has accepted she's a cunt, you need to accept she's a cunt too. This isn't about you, its about her apparently innate need to be a bitch all the damn time.

[alzi]

She is a bitch. If someone said that to me I would have no desire to have a relationship with that person.

[snipsnsnails]

Eh, you just have to shake it off. Would it be nice if they visited, sure. But some people just aren't wired that way for whatever reason. My ILs, including a SIL, also rarely come to visit. We just go see them when we can and it's convenient for us. We extend the invitation but I have learned to let it roll off my back when they don't come.

[newenglandwifey]

I didn't know people with kids can't travel to visit family...

Oh wait! They can and your SIL is just a total cunt!

[melindafelinda]

That totally sucks, but you can't control other people. So there is nothing you can do but ignore it. Continue to invite her if you want, or don't. But there is nothing you can do here.

[janegold]

They only live an HOUR away? That's a daily commute for a ton of people. I would roll my eyes and chalk her up to be a drama queen.

[sprky79]

Unless your SIL is on these boards, you so did not need an AE for this.

[mkesweetie]

Ugh - I hear you on this one. Unfortunately you cannot force them into more of a relationship than they want to have with you. And really, do you want a relationship with somebody who isn't interested in making any effort to you know?

I know it's hard, but try to sit back and let your H take the lead on this one going forward. If he wants to invite his family to visit, great. If not, that needs to be ok with you too.

I'm sorry you got your feelings hurt.

[flex]

Look on the bright side--sounds to me like you're better off that she doesn't want to visit.

[ooglie26]

:-|

I'm so sorry she's being a self-involved hag. Sounds like you're better off without her there. Maybe when she pulls her head out of her ass, she'll realize what an ass she's been?

Until then, zombie hugs to you!
({) (})

[bab]

ONE hour??? Does she travel by horse drawn carriage? I have been traveling the 8+ hours it takes to see my family since my kids were born seven years go. Not to mention the trips to Florida to visit MIL. Your SIL is an asshole. She is self centred and rude. Take the high road. Continue to invite her whenever you host a gathering. If she does not show, that is her effing problem. You did not need an AE for this at all.

[mrssavy42112]

Aug 1, 2012 12:31:02 GMT -5 janegold said:

They only live an HOUR away? That's a daily commute for a ton of people. I would roll my eyes and chalk her up to be a drama queen.

That's LESS than my daily commute...one way! That is a crap 'excuse.' I agree with PP that you just need to accept that she is a B and leave it at that. I wouldn't keep pushing to get together. Her stance is clear. There is nothing you can do to change it.

[evynsmama]

An hour? Are you kidding me? I drive an hour to pick my daughter up from daycare 3 times a week. An hour is not very long, what a d-bag. I would not make an effort to see her when you do come to town and let your DH explain to his parents the reason why. Just enjoy the time with the people who do want to visit with you and your family.

[itsanae]

Thank you everyone
AE b/c my real name pretty identifying and I need to change it and I know she was on TN years ago so who knows, im just covering my ass

[Cayl]

It's HIS sister so why is it that big of a deal to you? You guys obviously aren't close.

I get that it's annoying when you're always the one doing the traveling, I really do. Before we had kids I always traveled to my friends with kids because I figured it was easier on them and they would reciprocate when I had kids. I'm sure you'll be shocked to hear that they haven't reciprocated.

The only reason for you to be upset would be if she said no and your H turned around and said "no problem, we'll come to you!". Just because they won't come to you doesn't mean you have to go to them more often. Go to them a few times a year - or however often you think is enough - and if they bitch that they do get to see you more smile and say "our door is always open!". H's sister is the same way and we have go to her - 1.5 hours away - whenever we get together. But it's only 2 times (3 times max) a year so while it annoys me I don't let it get to me.

[Deleted]

My husband's parents are like this and it's annoying as shit. They live two hours away, and trying to get them to come to us or even meet in the middle is like pulling teeth. My MIL didn't come to my baby shower, even when my husband offered to pick her up and drive her back so she could come. The worst part about that was since our son was adopted, he was at the shower, and she hadn't even met her grandson yet. She also didn't come to my bridal shower, our son's second birthday party, Christmas, and a bunch of other things we have hosted (obviously my showers were hosted by someone else).

I know how hurtful it is and don't have any really good advice. I've just come to accept that this is the way his mom and step-dad are, and that we will never have a close relationship with them. It's really their loss, and it's pretty sad that my son runs up to my parents in excitement but acts like my H's parents are complete strangers when we do go visit them.

Some people are just really selfish and we have to accept that and know they are unlikely to change.

[livinitup]

This happened to me and the distance was about 15 minutes, not an hour. My SIL was simply not interested in ever coming to our house, or to really do any plans. She was always super friendly and said brightly "Oh, we really shoooouuullllddd get together." But any time I tried to pin her down on a date/time, she'd be "busy" or not respond or cancel. We saw them a lot at MIL/FIL house, but never when we invited them to our home and only twice when we met them out for dinner. It was REALLY weird. But after a year dedicated to inviting wiht it NEVER happening, I let it drop. I guess I am a slow learner.

It hurt. She was also really nice about it with a nasty undercurrent. I also got the "Told you so, that how SIL is." - which is a huge bitch.

This is about her, not you. The sooner you adjust your expectations, the happier you'll be.

My MIL/FIL don't like coming here either - they'd much prefer the action at their house. Its too stressful to care anymore. They have a great house. I visit when I want. My MIL is really weird when she's here. I don't need it.

[cheesierthanchedda]

I would be grateful. Because now you don't have to reciprocate.

Like when my mom got mad that my step sister (with whom I do not get along) didn't ask me to be a bridesmaid. I was like STFU Mom! Now I don't have to ask her to be in mine just to be reciprocal. This is a good thing.

[Cayl]

And the bright side is if you ever have kids and they invite you over you can copy and paste her email and send it back to her.

[Jalapeñomel]

Seems like you dodged a bullet there.

[onomatopoeia]

That sucks, I'm sorry. Are there bad vibes between you two for some reason? Did you steal her high school boyfriend? Are there circumstances where she/her DH aren't able to socialize, and it just stresses her out (ie. anxiety)? Is her child special needs? Are they broke, and can't afford gas money? Do you have a big, nasty dog that scares the shit out of everyone? Are they having marriage issues, and don't want to deal with family visits?

I'd say she sounds like a bitch, but at the same time I usually find there's more to the story that you might not ever know. (Not saying it's your fault, but that it may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all).

Are your IL's still coming?

[bostonrunnah]

Neither H's family nor mine like to drive the 2.5 hours from Western MA to Boston, so H and I do it. It sucks to waste the gas and have to be the one to travel, but knowing I can leave when I want is friggen KEY.

[mesjms]

jalapenomel took the words right out of my mouth.
Accept it and move on.

My sister lives two hours from me and has yet to visit my house. It's been 5 years. But she drives right by it when she goes to an MLB game. RIGHT BY! But that's ok. I don't have to listen to her spout her "I'm better that you" crap. It's all good.

[wildfloweragain]

Aug 1, 2012 13:31:49 GMT -5 onomatopoeia said:

That sucks, I'm sorry. Are there bad vibes between you two for some reason? Did you steal her high school boyfriend? Are there circumstances where she/her DH aren't able to socialize, and it just stresses her out (ie. anxiety)? Is her child special needs? Are they broke, and can't afford gas money? Do you have a big, nasty dog that scares the shit out of everyone? Are they having marriage issues, and don't want to deal with family visits?

I'd say she sounds like a bitch, but at the same time I usually find there's more to the story that you might not ever know. (Not saying it's your fault, but that it may have absolutely nothing to do with you at all).

Are your IL's still coming?

I agree. Might be more to it. We have family members we rarely visit. When we barely have enough time to see each other or get things done that we need/ want to, I really don't want to make time for people who I don't want to be around for various reasons (uncontrolled dangerous dogs, shady boyfriends, smoking, gross houses, etc. Also a distant family member who os just not nice to be around. Her kid is, but the woman is a headache. My parents never went to my stepdads side of the family and they all thought it was something they did or bc of my mom. It wasnt. My step dad had personal issues and refused to go there. He made excuses. You may never know. Let it go. Unless you know you are in the bitch/unclean category and want to fix that.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using proboards

[bleubook]

honestly, I hate traveling to see family. I hate the obligations and the guilt attached to it.
I'll do it once a year for some not at all for others.
If I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch.

[sparkles17]

An hour? A freaking hour? My BF lives an hour away from me and we managed to see each other 5 days a week. What a crock. I'm sorry

[hubes]

Aug 1, 2012 12:39:23 GMT -5 Que? said:

This AE thing is getting ridiculous.

I don't get why you care so much. Not everyone has to like you, even if they're family. You don't have to be close with her and it sounds like your H isn't that bothered by it so I think you need to chill.

She's basically telling you that they don't want to visit you. You can cause yourself undue stress by attempting to figure out why or you can just let it go.

And stop making the effort to visit her bc obviously you're not winning any points or advancing your relationship so put your every elsewhere.

In addition to this, I'd also like to add that I'll bet money you are a drama queen (since this matter took an AE, a deletion AND you only "sensed" the nasty undercurrent in the e-mail.)

Also, I've had to put my foot down over visiting my family. I have a kid, I work weekends and my DH has chores to do twice a day. The multiple calls and guilt trips over every single birthday party and lunches with grandma and five holiday celebrations finally got too much. Plus, I value my time and don't want to spend it with people that I'm not fond of.

If that makes me a selfish cunt, so be it.

[cheesierthanchedda]

Aug 1, 2012 14:32:38 GMT -5 hubes said:

If that makes me a selfish cunt, so be it.

Uh, no. That makes you awesome.

[hubes]

Aug 1, 2012 14:15:39 GMT -5 @sparkles17 said:

An hour? A freaking hour? My BF lives an hour away from me and we managed to see each other 5 days a week. What a crock. I'm sorry

Driving an hour to get laid =/= driving an hour to see the ILs.