How's it going, everyone?

[malibu]

?

[arch01]

It's going pretty well.

DH and I had a great talk yesterday-he's working on finding a new therapist (finally, his old one sucked) and I told him (finally) about my anxiety issues. He was surprised, but was very quick to offer that maybe when he finds a new therapist that I can join for a session or two to discuss it. It was a very positive conversation. I'm still using my EAP to find someone for myself, but I'm thrilled that he was the one to suggest it being US dealing with some things, not just him and me being left to just figure things out. I'm having some trouble not doing everything (one of my bad habits) since he's been back, but I'm being extra conscious of it.

Otherwise, DH has some pretty impressive mood swings from happy to depressed to happy again. We're having very productive conversations about those triggers. Tonight we're finally going out for the first time since he's been back-just the two of us. He's closing in on 60 days sober.

[flex]

I'm doing fine. I've been on a low carb diet through a wellness center here in town. I've lost 4 lbs. and 2 inches off my waist. I feel terrific and I'm committed to keep on it.

How are you doing, malibu? I've been thinking about you.

[arch01]

Hugs, @evelynrichards.

[malibu]

Big, big hugs, @evelynrichards. And don't you DARE feel crazycakes - he's manipulating you, big time. "See? See how productive and helpful I can be?" See if that's the case a month from now. I'd be willing to bet it isn't. He'll test this out on you until he thinks you're over it all and then go back to whatever he was like before.

[malibu]

flex That's awesome about the weight/inches loss! Great job!

Things are...hm. Well, not great. I thankfully saw my therapist today to work through how angry I am all.the.time. I completely lost my shit on Tuesday night at H, who was parked on the couch for the fourth hour straight, staring at his goddamn phone. In addition to basically quietly screaming (DD was in bed) all his transgressions - quitting his job and lying for days about it, going to rehab and coming home only to start right up drinking again; spending money, having no JOB for nearly half a year even though we are NOT able to be a one-income family, not even picking up after himself, me having to come home from working all day to make dinner and take care of DD while he sits there on the couch after his hard day of sitting on the couch doing nothing - you get the picture. DD's fourth birthday is in two weeks from today. Guess who has planned the party, managed to save a few bucks to HAVE the party, is DIYing almost everything, and still fretting about being able to buy even ONE birthday gift for her? This child has been talking about and planning her fourth birthday party since her third birthday party (not exaggerating - in the car ride home last year, she started designing the pink cupcakes she wanted, lol!) and since she's been SO excited and now for the first time really "gets" the whole idea of birthdays, I wanted to do something really fun and spectacular for her. And I can't, because of HIM. I yelled that this has been the worst year of my life, and it is his fault because of the piss poor choices he's made and is still making even today. I called him a half-assed parent, and stopped short of calling him a complete loser. I then felt guilty for being kind of an asshole. I know he's depressed, and me telling him what a shitty parent he is and a shitty husband he is probably didn't help much.

The only possibly good thing is that he finally had an interview for a job he should hear back about on Monday or Tuesday. The sad thing is? It's for the SAME FUCKING COMPANY he quit in June. The irony here hurts my head. Six months of misery and he'll likely be going back to the same place. The only difference is that rather than a corporate location, he'll be in an independent location run by a smaller group. At this point though, when I'm starting to research food banks for when we inevitably run out of money, I don't give a shit where it is he finds a job, just that he gets one and brings in some money. It's been HALF A YEAR, dude. Get that ass off the couch and grow the fuck up.

Wow. Sorry. Lots of word vomit. I'm definitely angry and unhappy, if you can't tell...!

[arch01]

Hugs malibu. Her party sounds like it's going to be great; I hope things work out with the job.

[aba]

I'm doing alright....I feel very uncomfortable with my body right now:( I am a couple pounds over my "ideal body weight," aka the weight the hospital made me get to and I hate it. I feel very unattractive and just gross. I really miss my old body more and more each day. I want to lose weight, like a lot of weight. Problem is, I am eating way too much. 

I have had really bad anxiety the past couple months and something happened at work that really hurt my self-esteem so that isn't helping at all. Ugh. I'm sure the holidays aren't going to help:-/ 

[malibu]

(((lilmissladybug)))

[krisandgrace]

Hugs to everyone having a hard time!

I am working on keeping it in the day or better yet in the moment. I find myself projecting about conversations/arguments that haven't happened. I am going to see several family members tomorrow who I have a gripe against and I keep reminding myself my job as a recovering alcoholic is to be helpful where I used to be selfish. It will do no one any good for me to get snippy with anyone. My aunt is in hospice and this will be the last year she is hosting Thanksgiving which makes it very emotional. I am also trying to remember to take care of myself by getting to my regular meeting and today I have a message scheduled. Good luck to everyone one tomorrow. I know it is a hard day not only for people with alcohol issues but food issues as well.

[elenetxu]

I know I'm way late to this thread but I wanted to let you guys know that I'm thinking of you and I hope you are all doing well.