Post by dcrunnergirl on Aug 2, 2012 8:06:21 GMT -5
I was thinking the same thing reading that thread.
DH and I make about the same and have the same earning potential. One of us SAHing would be a huge hit.
Most women I know (I don't know any SAHD) who became SAHMs knew that's what they would do when they got married (many knew that's what they wanted to do before they got married so went to college and dated with that in mind), so they based everything off their DH's income, and most only had very low paying jobs (i.e., part time work, retail, etc.) so it wasn't a big hit when they quit. They went into marriage knowing/thinking they didn't need to worry how much they made b/c eventually they'd become SAHMs and wouldn't have that salary.
As I type this, I feel like some of it sounds like I'm dissing SAHMs, but I don't know how to better explain the SAHMs in my group of friends. I know it's not representative of every SAHM. Hope it's not offensive.
I just replied in that thread, but yes, I left after making really good money. But the caveat is that I planned to leave eventually for a career change anyway. It was VERY hard to leave the money (with my last promotion which I received 2 weeks before giving notice I was finally making 6 figures - VHCOL though), but not hard to leave the job.
Now I'm working towards a job I know I'll love and I've gotten to spend this special time with DS. Win-Win.
I'll say it though - I miss shopping! And the gym! A lot!
My clerking job paid really poor money, so had I gotten pregnant then, I would have SAH after law school, but once I switched to a job making decent money, I couldn't give up the salary, even now paying over 25K for two in daycare, and DH does very well. We can live off his salary and meet all our expenses no problem, but would miss the fun stuff that comes from my salary.
I'm the breadwinner by over $20k, so no, leaving isn't an option for us. And I love DH, but there's no way he wants to be a SAHD, he likes working. I also tie a lot of my identity into my success in my career, it's just who I am and how I was raised.
Friends of ours the wife quit her lucrative nursing job to SAH, but it was more b/c her marriage was having problems, b/c the H didn't want to do anything house wise and didn't really know/want to be a dad. It was all very weird. I honestly don't think their marriage would have made it if she didn't quit so she could take care of the house and the kid.
I was thinking the same thing reading that thread.
DH and I make about the same and have the same earning potential. One of us SAHing would be a huge hit.
Most women I know (I don't know any SAHD) who became SAHMs knew that's what they would do when they got married (many knew that's what they wanted to do before they got married so went to college and dated with that in mind), so they based everything off their DH's income, and most only had very low paying jobs (i.e., part time work, retail, etc.) so it wasn't a big hit when they quit. They went into marriage knowing/thinking they didn't need to worry how much they made b/c eventually they'd become SAHMs and wouldn't have that salary.
As I type this, I feel like some of it sounds like I'm dissing SAHMs, but I don't know how to better explain the SAHMs in my group of friends. I know it's not representative of every SAHM. Hope it's not offensive.
I have some friends like this, but it's not the case for most. In my playgroup there's one family who took a 50 per cut, another went down probably 30 per, one was laid off right after her kid was born, two are lecturers/professors who dropped down to a single class and two where the moms own their own businesses and work from home very pt (in both cases, they are actually the breadwinners as their H's are students).
In my situation, my low income was a relatively new thing, but because I've always worked on commission, our budgeting situation was not.
I haven't read the original thread, but we made the decision to relocate in order to have kids (long story, but it needed to happen) and part of that decision was that I would SAH when we got pregnant. The job I left when we relocated wasn't high $$$ by your definition, but it was probably 30-35% of our income. I did work a very low-paying interim job when we initially relocated, but quit it for a variety of reasons shortly before we actually got pregnant. No lie, it's been an adjustment, both financially and emotionally. Since DH can work from home 80% of the time (though a lot of that time is spent in conference calls), I'm considering finding a part-time job a couple years after the baby is here. However, that's probably right around the time we'll be ready for #2, so who knows.
I was making $50k. After daycare for 2 I would only take home ~$1,000 a month. Yeah that's a lot but worth not having to get 2 kids and myself ready every day, to dc and work, pick up and then the 100s of things to do at home. It's a trade off for me.
I didn't choose to SAH, but I got laid off. Even with UE, it hurt us a LOT. We had to make a lot of cuts. At that time, we could not afford to live off DH's salary alone, but we were able to make it with UE. At that time, DH earned about 20K more than me, but my salary was still substantial. I was depressed about it even though we didn't go into debt.
Now DH earns substantially more than I do and we can live off his salary alone--but I still couldn't give up my salary to SAH. We use my salary to reach our goals- maxing retirement, fund 529, pay off 2nd mort, etc.
I don't judge anyone for staying home, but it would hurt our future goals if I did. And I like my job most days anyway.
We did. I was actually the breadwinner (by like $3k/yr) when I quit my job. I also carried our benefits. It was difficult, I won't lie. I wouldn't say it impacted our lives a ton because we didn't do an awesome job of curbing our spending. I mean we spent less, but we weren't technically living just on H's income. We had planned for it though and had a sizable e-fund that we drew from. Maybe not our best financial move, but it worked for us at the time.
I make good money and if it weren't for my student loans, I would have chosen to stay home. But DH makes more than 3 times as much as I do and within the next few years, he has the potential to be making a lot more than that. I suspect that with the next kid, we'll have a serious discussion about me staying home because of the increase of daycare costs.
Also, a majority of my salary goes towards benefits-health insurance and flex spending accounts, as well as retirement. So we don't really see cash for it. If I were to quit working, DH would have to pick up benefits which would be more expensive than the benefits through my office, but equivilant to what we're paying in daycare. Our retirement savings would decrease, but we would still be saving more than enough to comfortably retire.
I made less than the income that you listed, but still made equal to my husband. While we were still dating, we discussed the kind of life we would like to have eventually and knew it was a possibility that one of us would want to stay home with kids. For that reason, once we combined finances (after marriage), we based all of our bodget off of his income only. That way we would have the flexibility to make whatever choices we wanted without it being a hardship.
Post by statlerwaldorf on Aug 2, 2012 9:19:02 GMT -5
I didn't quite make that much, but it was still a huge adjustment for us. I was laid off while I was pregnant, so I didn't choose to SAH. I had a couple interviews during my 3rd tri, but no job offers. We couldn't afford our lifestyle and had to cut back a lot.
After DD was born and I still hadn't found a job, we decided to relocate for a better job opportunity for DH since the business he worked for was closing. It was really hard, but we adjusted once we moved. I really miss living closer to a big city. There are some things about small town life I like, but it's not ideal. I can't buy clothes as much and we've cut back on eating out. I have more free time to make dinner, so that hasn't been as big of a deal. I'm pretty much screwed trying to find a job in my field out here. I have seen exactly 1 job opening since we moved here. I was told they wanted someone with "more recent experience" after being out of the job market for 3 years. The big thing was having to put off IVF until now because of money. Plus it is a huge time commitment since we have to drive really far for the nearest RE.
There have been positives. I do enjoy SAH. My old job was very demanding and I had a lot of hours. It would've been hard on us. I would rarely make it home for dinner or even to get DD to bed. We have a lot more free time and time as a family. DH is a lot less stressed at his job here since they aren't doing layoffs left and right and have been making record profits.
By your definition, I was almost but not quite making "good money" when I had my first, though it seemed more like "mediocre money" to me, so maybe that's why it was easier to cut to p/t?
We tend to be cheap. We have always lived in cheaper homes even in our LCOL area. DH has been poor as an adult (on govt assistance) and the idea of living close to our means gives him hives, and living above our means would kill him outright. This, combined with my own mental money issues is why I went p/t rather than SAH completely.
DH and I made about the same salary, and when I went to p/t I was making about 40% of my old salary. It was scary, but I didn't find it much of a lifestyle adjustment... or maybe a better way of saying is is that it didn't feel like our lifestyle adjustment was so much from the salary cut as from having a baby.
I'm still working p/t 5.5 years later. Ironically, at my current payrate, I'd be making really good money and would be the breadwinner if I went back to f/t work... but with a 3rd baby on the way, I know I couldn't do that (mentally/emotionally for me personally).
Post by littlemermaid on Aug 2, 2012 9:28:20 GMT -5
Yes I was making "good money" and we still decided for me to stay home. I've been a stay at home mom going on 12 years. My husbands income was far greater than mine so it did make the decision easy and as I said in the previous post we based all major expenses just on his income.
I did. I was making 98K in salary working 4 days/week. It was closer to $140K once you factored in their 10% retirement savings and 30% bonus. Had I been working FT I would have been making significantly more since I took a demotion to go PT after DD1.
It was a huge adjustment! But really, we were spending lots on our lifestyle, and we traveled a LOT. I would say that the main things that we had to give up were 1. travel, 2. paying off our mortgage, 3. retirement savings.
ETA: I made less than DH, but on a FT equivalent basis, we were within 10-15%. I don't remember exactly what he made back then.
I have to say, I think part of the reason DH isn't on board with a SAH spouse is based on his own family upbringing. His mother stayed home and when she and FIL divorced, she ended up having to go to school for nursing so she could find work. She's never really worked a full time job and I think that's adversely affected DH.
I wouldn't know b/c I grew up in a 2 income household with live-in care b/c of the hours and commute my parents had.
I was a teacher before I quit so I wasn't making that kind of money but it wasn't bad. It just wasn't the right fit for me though and I wanted to be able to spend more time with our kids. It was an easy decision to make because DH has always made so much more than me that my quitting didn't really affect our spending/saving habits at all. Plus he is a workaholic and his hours have gotten longer over time, which would be hard to accomodate if I was working full time too.
I would like to do something with my degree though when the kids are older and in school. I think it will probably be in a volunteer capacity though.
When I left I was making slightly less money than my husband, so we lost about 40% of our income. It hasn't had a huge impact for several reasons. I bought my house with my salary in mind, so the mortgage payments are low. We were only married for two years before my daughter was born so we hadn't gotten used to combined finances. We lived on only my husband's salary and used mine for savings, to buy a car, and to buy all our baby stuff. We started with no debt except for the house, so that helped.
We have to think about purchases a little more than we did, but still live quite comfortably.
I am on extended unpaid childcare leave, so I can return to work without much of a problem. The current plan is to go back when they are two and four. My husband is fine with this, but might not be if he thought I wasn't going to return to work eventually. I loved my job, as an inner city, middle school, special educator, but after 12 years I was beginning to burn out, so the break has been welcome. I will be able to do it much better when I go back.
I made "decent" money in a VHCOL area. About 35% of our HHI. My parents also put me through college, so I did feel bad leaving a good job in my field to SAH. But we ran the numbers, and would have lost 2/3 of my salary to daycare. DH also carries our benefits. I did not want to work bad enough to net $500 a month after daycare. Plus DH's job is pretty demanding (can't take sick days, some overtime, etc...) so using daycare would have been pretty infeasible to us anyway as I would always be the one doing drop off and pickup or taking time off if DS got sick. So it made a lot more sense for me to SAH.
We're 5 months in and very happy. Yes, we gave up shopping, eating out, pretty much anything extra. It was REALLY HARD to go from buying whatever we wanted and eating out all the time to having to discuss little purchases (like $50 on amazon) and eating out about twice a month (usually pizza). But it's worth it. We also have a lot of farm chores that would have been very difficult if we were both working. We hope ::fingers crossed:: to save enough money growing our own food to cut down our food budget quite a bit. And hopefully make some income off of it at the Farmer's Market. I have zero interest in going back to work.
This is an interesting discussion. I started the other thread but this one is more applicable to our situation.
Updated - I bring in 35-40% of our HHI
We're using my salary to get us closer to our financial goals, and because my salary pays for the 'fun' stuff. I'm also working because I carry the benefits for my son and I (if we go on mH's insurance we would be paying $1K a month OOP). We could live off of my H's salary, but would we would have to cut back on a lot of the stuff that we enjoy right now like travel, food, wine, shopping, etc. Sometimes I wonder if (outside of the benefits issue) it's worth it for me to work to have these unnecessary extras. It would be a big change though... a lot to think about.
I would also say it's less about making "good" money and more about what % of HHI you contribute to.
I disagree with that as a blanket statement. If you make $200K and your spouse makes $200K. It should not be that hard to give up 50% of your income. If you make $30K and your spouse makes $50K it may be more difficult to give it up.
Post by SusanBAnthony on Aug 2, 2012 10:32:31 GMT -5
I made about 75K and had great benefits.
We had always saved my whole salary (DH made similar to me).
We used most of the to pay down our mortgage. We bought in 2005. We are losing about 100K on our house, so that is where all the money I made before kids went. Right down the drain!
I was able to cut back to 30 hours per week. PT - with my bonus - I make six figures and earn slightly more than H. For me to SAH would require MAJOR changes that we just aren't willing to make at this point.
Plus, as much as I think I would like to be home FT I'm not totally convinced I am cut out for it. Now that the kids are getting to be school age I would have a lot of alone time which would be nice. But for now, being available to them before and after school is enough.
I was making over $70K when we decided I would stay home with J for the time being. I don't shop as much and we eat in much more frequently and take fewer vacations, but a lot of that is also due to having an infant. My husband makes considerably more than I did when I quit working, so that plays a large part in our lifestyle not changing too much. Ultimately, I think I will probably go back to work at some point, but for now, staying home works well for our family for a variety of reasons.
I'm the primary breadwinner. I make nearly twice what H does (and he makes above mean income - so it's not that he's a low wage earner). SAH is not in the cards for me, despite already doing what others said in that post - old cars, no vacations, etc.
Different areas have different COL, then there's the whole student loan thing. We all have different circumstances. Oftentimes, people seem to forget that in the "anyone could do it with simple changes!"
When I got pregnant with DD1 I was making about the same as DH, maybe a few thousand more if you include the benefits through my work that were significantly cheaper. During my pregnancy my Dh got a raise, but not crazy significant so we were making about the same considering benefits. We decided that I wouldn't go back to work for a few reasons: 1) I wanted to SAH, and knew that it would provide a much less stressful life for our family 2) DH's career has more upward mobility, and he's way more ambitious career wise than I am 3) By my quitting our tax expenses went way down due to not being phased out of certain deductions (when you included the tax decrease and daycare it ended up being half my salary)
We still had to cut back on vacations and clothing expenses, but on the whole our lifestyle hasn't been terribly impacted. DH's salary has increased by 50% since DD1 was born, so I would say it has been good for his career. I've been able to do a little consulting work here and there to keep my resume up to date and to bring in a little bit of extra cash.
I still freelance and make roughly the same amount of money I did when I was working at an office. However, if this makes you feel any better, DH is looking at taking at least a 30% paycut if he leaves his current job. We've done the math and have figured out what line items we need to cut back on to make this work in the long-term and not impact our savings/retirement/education goals, but I will admit two things:
a) I like that since I freelance, I could always try to make up some of the difference by taking on more work if I find that we really can't stick to the new budget down the road
b) my "yeah, I am pretty mature" confession: I find myself spending more on little things right now, like amazingly good cheese or cute clothes for DD, in the fear that I won't be able to do that once DH changes jobs. (I know, I should just be trying to live by the future budget now.)