Socially awkward penguin over here needs help =>

[amaristella]

So.....

Saturday I'm going to an afternoon tea to help welcome a couple new officer wives to the wardroom. (I think I can manage that part okay)

But, the organizer wants us to "shower" the one girl with presents because she recently got married (they got married in May). I feel really weird about that. I mean, I've never even met her. I do have the info for all four of her registries so I think I can get an idea of her style to go in town and buy something small and unassuming. Note also that I've known about this for weeks and simply forgot to go shopping until just now. That's how good I am at this.

But! now the still feeling awkward part of me wants to know if I should also buy a present for the other new person as well. Would it be strange to show up with a present for one, but not the other?

Additional information: This isn't the first time this has happened with this group. The first time I showed up with no gift because it's optional and then felt like a DB when every other person showed up with a gift.

[softspot]

I think it's rude to buy one a gift & not the other if they are both new.

[dancingpanda]

I think it's awkward that they want to shower one spouse, the other one is going to feel wierd and maybe less welcomed. I wouldn't get anything off of her registry. I would get a gift card for each one to a local restaurant, $30 each if you can afford.

But if you do want to do something off her registry or something similar, I would still get the other person a "welcome gift."

[amaristella]

The registry stores are out of town and I'm out of time to have something shipped anyway. I know for sure that another person is doing GC to a local restaurant. My plan is to go to the tourist trap on the coast and buy something small. I'll make it cheap enough so I can get something for both people.

[basilosaurus]

That's ridiculously weird.

I think it would be ok to get them both a welcome basket and another small gift for the newly married woman. But showering one person and ignoring the other? So strange.

[audette]

Bizarre. I'd probably ask the organizer about it, acting concerned that the other spouse will feel left out...

Otherwise, I'd get something small, and for both.

[verycontrary247]

I think it's weird to be getting either of them gifts.

[crimewatcher]

Looks like you got it figured out but I am still trying to figure out why you would buy a stranger a gift for a wedding that happened months ago? (Rather.. why someone would suggest it/require it).

[sookie]

I would feel like a huge DB showering one person and not another. I think it needs to be a both or neither situation honestly.

[amaristella]

Thanks guys. I appreciate being able to bounce things off your minds. The person who I am closest to here is also boggled easily by female only social events.

[pennylane]

I swear sometimes these events have good intentions but lack some logic. I would feel awkward having a gift for anyone, especially if I've never met them. But since you said last time everyone brought gifts, I would go with others' suggestions of getting something small for both new people.

And, thanks for posting this because I'm going to a welcome lunch this weekend too, and now am wondering if I missed the gift giving memo somewhere.

[MrsAggie]

We recently had a dinner for a new commander and 1SGT's wives. They wanted everyone to show up to this dinner, pay for your own dinner at the restaurant, and bring $15 to help pay for their gifts. I didn't go.

[amaristella]

Aug 2, 2012 17:40:20 GMT -5 pennylane said:

And, thanks for posting this because I'm going to a welcome lunch this weekend too, and now am wondering if I missed the gift giving memo somewhere.

Feel free to ask someone else who is going, but I've felt rather strongly that this whole post-wedding mini shower thing is a strange quirk of our group. I can't think of anywhere else that I've seen anything quite the same being done.

The next closest thing I've seen is a departure gift that the group gives and different people chip in to pay for it. But at that point it actually makes sense.

[kpol]

That sounds strange to me as well. At our old post, we put together a binder of our favorite places and gave it to the new spouses. It included things like salons, restaurants, hiking trails, kids activity centers, etc.

Buying something off a registry sounds weird.

We did a departure gift but it was essentially the same thing for everyone. If you wanted one, you paid something like $20 in "dues."