parents of boys - pro sports

[slug*bug]

He's 11.

I'm pretty sure I had just barely gotten out of wanting to be a ballerina by that time.

I have no business dancing in public, period, let alone doing it professionally.

Leave him be.

[Deleted]

I'd probably do both. Give the reality that most kids that play hockey will never make a dime at it, but encourage him to play at the highest level he was capable of. DH sort of knows a pro player who I'm sure would do an intervention and explain the importance of school and the low odds of going pro.

Although really, I won't let my kid play hockey (the lifestyle and the cost are just too much for me). So I hope this never comes up for me. I hate how long hockey season is here (August - April, and that's for the under-10 leagues) and it eats up too many weekends and weekdays.

[honeybee]

We love hockey. Fiance's brother is pretty obsessed and it eats up a huge chunk of his time.

If anything, keep pushing him. Remind him the only way into the NHL is through college hockey and college hockey requires scholarships. But at 11 I wouldn't go squashing dreams. Some kids make it.

[Deleted]

Some kids get hit by lightning. That doesn't mean it's a plan to count on.

[cricketwife]

Aug 2, 2012 15:48:24 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Some kids get hit by lightning. That doesn't mean it's a plan to count on.

That's just silly. The two are nothing alike. Getting hit by lightning is a negative event that is unplanned and generally unpreventable. Making it in sports is the result of a lot of hard work and dedication. Granted, most kids just don't have the innate talent, but they can do the work to get themselves as far as possible.

Of course it's very unlikely for this 11 yr old to play hockey as a pro. But so what. I think if he's the one choosing it over vacations, etc., then he's obviously very passionate about it and committed to it. Let him be. Encourage him. He may be like the husband of one of my friends who never played professionally, but spends a lot of his free time playing - and he's in great shape for his age because of it.

And I distinctly remember being 12 and my dad discouraging me from "moving up" to the traveling team in softball the next year/season because it was "lots of time" for a sport. 23 years later, I am still disappointed that he didn't encourage me to just do what I liked. (I was nothing special, but we're just talking about the local kids team here.)

Get behind his dream. There may be time/financial limitations, but support is as much as you can. He has plenty of time to grow up and be hit with the harsh reality that very few make it.

[Deleted]

My H's nephew is 14 and still wants to be an NBA player...despite the fact that he has only played basketball 1 of the last 3 years. Personally, I think its appropriate at 11 to tell them some of the realities but I'm also not sure I'd let me kid skip family events at that age so they could play their sport. HS (10th grade +), if there was promise of a college scholarship, but not at that age

[liveintheville]

God no. I'd encourage him. No need to crush his dreams at age 11.

[Deleted]

Hey, the fact that you're more likely to be struck by lightning that play NHL is a stat given to me by my hockey-coaching coworkers. They encourage their teams to play hard, but they also encourage them to do well in school and have some balance because odds are most of them won't make it anywhere past high school teams.

Like I said, I would do both if my kid had big dreams at 11... but I also think hockey is just too much for me. DH, too. It impacts the whole family for 3/4 of the year.

[liveintheville]

Aug 2, 2012 16:11:52 GMT -5 kooshball said:

I of course encourage him to play sports... I just don't think they should be more important than school and family. Since he feels like he's going to be in the NHL, he's missing out on a lot of activities and doesn't care about school at all.

Yeah, I can see questioning whether or not to intervene. My kids are only 4 and 2 and so far tell me they're growing up to be superheros.
But honestly, as long as he was preparing to go to college if he's not drafted out of high school, I'd be ok with it.

[slug*bug]

Aug 2, 2012 16:11:52 GMT -5 kooshball said:

Since he feels like he's going to be in the NHL, he's missing out on a lot of activities and doesn't care about school at all.

Okay, the not caring about school is a game-changer for me and I would approach that differently.

On first read, honestly, your OP made it sound like you were upset that he was choosing hockey over vacations w/you and his dad, with the support of his mom. Which actually gave me the impression that the root issue really isn't hockey at all.

But vs., school, sports are going to take a backseat for me every single time.

[Deleted]

I wouldn't actively encourage it (letting him miss a family vacation because of it is kind of crazy imo) but I wouldn't try to crush his dream at that age either. I'd just be on the lookout for any other, more realistic interests he expresses (even something very difficult to accomplish that little kids typically say they want to be - like an astronaut) and jump on that.

[polarbearfans]

Encourage his dreams but make school part of it. Doesn't get the grades? No hockey. Growing up a lot of my friends parents would not let them play sports of they didn't keep their grades at least a B, one friend had to have all As. It gave them the motivation to work hard in school.

[Jem]

My very intelligent brother, who is not really anything special athletics-wise, was truly disappointed when after college he was told he had a shoulder injury that would stop him from playing competitive baseball.

At the time he was in the middle of getting his graduate degree and had not played any baseball in about 10 years. When my mom told me this I just about died laughing. It's a dream of many many boys, he'll eventually realize if it will be a reality or not.

Help him see options, but don't try to sway him at this age. It's important for kids to have dreams and he is learning discipline and hard work, which he'll leverage in whatever path he ends up choosing.

[luvmagoldn]

Aug 2, 2012 15:46:42 GMT -5 honeybee said:

We love hockey. Fiance's brother is pretty obsessed and it eats up a huge chunk of his time.

If anything, keep pushing him. Remind him the only way into the NHL is through college hockey and college hockey requires scholarships. But at 11 I wouldn't go squashing dreams. Some kids make it.

I like this. I was really in to ballet from the age of two and said I was going to be a professional ballet dancer. My parents always encouraged me and sent me to summer workshops and drove me to classes and rehearsals six days a week. At 18 I delayed college to dance professionally for a small regional company a few states away.

After six months I realized that what it took to keep going as a professional was more than I was willing to do. So I came back home and went to college. My parents never said I told you so. They supported me in my next goal which was to go to college.

And I did learn a lot about myself, discipline, working with others, perseverence, etc from all those years of dance. Even though it didn't pan out I am so thankful I had the opportunity to pursue my dream.

Your SS is only 11. Don't kill his dream. But do emphasize that he needs to do his best in school in order to be successful no matter what happens with hockey.

[curbsideprophet]

I have to admit, I find the title of this post offensive. There are professional female athletes as well. Someone with a daughter could certainly face the same issues. Especially with the Olympics happening right now. I am sure there are at least a few girls thinking they want to be an Olympic swimmer/gymnast/diver/insert event here.

In any case, I would not necessarily try to squash his dream or push him away from hockey. However I would address the school issue.

[GailGoldie]

if he's that into hockey that he wants to miss trips, etc - then perhaps he just might make it his career... if not pro- maybe play for college, etc. If he's enjoying it - and keeping up with school- i see no reason to try and squash any dreams. I would encourage him.

[cookiemdough]

I think it is too early to squash the dreams. You and your husband can find a way to emphasize the importance of school and family without minimizing his love for hockey.

[Deleted]

At 11, I think it is very important to continue encouraging your SS to pursue his dream. I would also make sure he understands clearly that obtaining that dream means he has to continue doing well in school. I am surprised even school is in the back burner considering many sports teams have GPA requirements. Is that only for HS? Whatever, I would institute one if the team itself doesn't have a requirement like that.

How is It possible for your SS to miss family vacations for hockey? Does he purposely sign up for hockey activities when he knows.about these vacations or are these ongoing events and you expect him to skip a week for vacation? I am curious based on how your OP is worded. If it is the latter, I am not surprised that he doesn't want to go away considering how passionate he is for the sport.

DH played hockey year round until he hit HS. It is a super expensive sport with tons of time commitment from parents and kids. His parents actually found it cheaper to send him to a prep school with an excellent hockey team vs joining different leagues throughout the year. DH stopped playing after his sophomore year when his interest in making money overcame his love (and time) for hockey.

He used to dream about making it to the NHL. It was a big dream, but it was something his HS coach was familiar with since many players eventually went on to the pros. Playing hockey at that HS basically meant a guaranteed seat on a quality college hockey team, which brings you one step closer to the NHL. Anyway, DH started earning money with his lawn care business one summer and he was hooked. Money and saving towards a car and other goals were more important to him and the NHL dream went away. At 32, he still plays in a league here and there, which is pretty cool IMO.

[momof2boys]

See I consider you lucky, at least he has a true love for it My son plays hockey (he is 7) and while he likes it he doesn't LOVE it. Its a lot of money and time commitment to go through every year when I keep waiting for him to quit. I ask him every year if he wants to play again and he says yes, and he'll attend the practices and games and do okay. But he won't put in any extra effort, if given the chance will skip hockey events etc. He won't watch hockey on tv and from the outside it looks like we make the kid play. But really, I ask him several times before paying the HUGE ASS fees if he really wants to play and he says yes.