Post Delivery Visitors/Help

[moonstone523]

Question: How soon after the baby is born did you have people (i.e. your mom or mother in law) come help?

Is it necessary for us to arrange this?

I anticipate H not taking too much time off of work, though since he works for himself, he can be selective about going into work/court and can try to schedule around the birth as best he can.

On a side note, a bit of a bitching session, my mom who likes to worry and therefore meddle, asked me today about having my MIL in the delivery "because she is a nurse." We are delivering at a birth center, and my MIL who normally keeps her opinions to herself, has been more vocal and I'm guessing it's because my mother is egging her on. NOT COOL. I was having a great convo with my mom until she asked me this and I sternly said, "under no circumstance is my MIL, or anyone else besides H and I, allowed in the room while I deliver our baby." She said, "okay, got it" but it really caused me to get emotional (hello pregnancy!). Both our parents live far away (Texas for my parents, Boynton Beach for the inlaws) so they will have to travel to us, hence the original question about planning people to come.

Oh, by the way, my MIL was a psychiatric nurse many, many years ago, so how my mother thinks this translates into a l&d nurse is beside me?

[jen812]

I thought having my mom help out was nice, but a little stressful at the same time. They stayed for two weeks & wanted to bring the baby to go visit everybody. No one came to my house, which I think was odd.

[alzi]

i know i don't really count yet, but i already told my mom i would love for her to come 2 weeks after, when steve goes back to work, so i'm not on my own. she is invited for a week. nothing more. H's parents are local. they can come visit, but i wouldn't want them here staying/helping.

[sara76]

I had a c section which requires a little more recovery so I can only really speak to my experience. I needed someone pretty much around the clock for the first 2, maybe 3 days we were home. I had back pain for about a week which they said was from the spinal and my incision was very sore for a few days so I needed someone to do the diaper changing and to bring her back to me after she was cleaned up. After that there was another week where I couldn't do much around the house like laundry or cooking and cleaning. So having H home for that first week was really awesome, but I only truely needed him the first few days. After that he was just nice company. The only other over night guest I had was my mom about 2 weeks pp and it was not very good for me, but that's me and my mom. It was very stressful for me to have her here even though she mostly means well, and I was relieved when she was gone and I could get into my groove. Visitors during the day were great, no problems there ever, but night time was A's fussy time and I just felt like it was all too much for my mom who had forgotten to pack her Paxil. Dear God. My MIL was and still is amazing to have around but she prefers to drive back to Orlando to sleep so we never had her as an overnight guest but once. I guess it just depends on your relationships.

[jennifer8080]

Recovery wise I felt great. My biggest issue was the emotional stress of Kennedy's diagnosis and the breastfeeding issues. It is nice to have someone to help with cooking and cleaning the first two weeks or so. Plus you aren't supposed to drive in the first two weeks. Honestly, I was at Target the day after Kennedy got out of the NICU, and I felt really good physically. I would not want people staying over right away. I would say if you're having people come stay from our of town, try to coordinate it for after H goes back to working full time.

[mrsjason]

My parents and my IL's came for the birth of the baby. However, I had a c-section so no one was allowed, other than my H in the operating room. If I had given labor a go, it probably would have been my mom and my H in the room. I don't think my MIL would have not wanted to be in the room. But if she had, I guess I would have let her in. I never gave it too much thought.

Both my IL's and my parents stayed for a week after Macy was born at our house. It was nice to have them around to help out. Especially at night when I wasn't quite sure what to do with a crying baby and I was exhausted. I was even sad to see them go.

My H went back to work after a week and I wished he was home longer. Having a newborn is kinda like a daze, and it's nice to have contact with someone you can have a conversation with and help out. Plus, I was still recovering from my c-section and not feeling 100% for about 2 weeks. Getting out of bed was a hard task! Not to mention I was dead tired. Our house looked like a tornado came through. Cleaning was the last thing I had energy to do.

[april17]

I'm not speaking from experience, but my plan is to have my mom and/or sister over to help me. I don't think H is planning on taking off much time from work (which is fine because I do have my mom and sister who live within 10 minutes of me). I'm not quite sure whether my mom will stay over or not after baby is born, I will play it by ear. However I will say that I have a great relationship with her and know that I would be grateful to have help after the baby is here. Thankfully though we do get along great which doesn't seem to be the case with some of you!

My IL's are in Massachusetts so they will not be here right away. They have tickets to fly down in early October so if baby is on time (mid-September), then they will be here about 3-4 weeks after he is born. They will be staying with us, but it's for a long weekend.

As far as the delivery room, it's going to be H and I, although we have now decided to ask my sister to be there as well. At least through the laboring part....not totally sure if I want her to stay in there once I start pushing, but we will see. I know H will need a break if the labor takes a long time and I would rather plan to have my sister there so he can take one if he needs to. Plus I think I will likely need all the support I can get. I am dreading labor and delivery!

[mrsmew]

My advice is to only invite people you are completely comfortable with and who you think will actually be helpful. In my first month or so postpartum I just felt like a mess who couldnt do anything and whose boobs were constantly out. My H was home the first 3 weeks, and I really needed him. I had a c-section and he really took care of me and the baby.

After H went back to work my dad came for a while to "help," but I'm not super comfortable with him and he was actually ridiculously unhelpful so that visit ended up being super stressful. The next week my mom came, I was comfortable and she was an enormous help, so that was great.

So yeah, helpful people can come whenever, I say.

[kimandross]

I agree with Meghan, only invite people you are comfortable with. My parents came down from TN the Friday before I went into labor, but I wanted them here anyway. My ILs, who are local, breezed into the hospital a few hours after he was born (on my MILs birthday), which was fine with me. MIL brought over a cake the night he came home, but other than that, she didn't do much, which is fine. My mom stayed a while, and while I was sad when she left, I have a great support system through DH's extended family and some awesome friends.

My DH owns his own business, so he was able to stay around more, which was nice since I had a C section and was having BFing issues.

[melis74]

My Step-Mom and SIL flew in the day of my induction and stayed at our house. SIL stayed until two days after I was home and SM stayed 5. It was very nice to have them there, they were very helpful and I could do things like ya know, take a shower ;-) I have to say that I wasn't quite sure how I felt in advance but was super glad I decided to let them come. I was actually a little nervous the first day I was completely alone w/Mia...I just knew I was going to screw something up, lol.

[loskadoodle]

My parents came to the hospital but I kicked them out when I was ready to push. I wanted them out sooner but felt bad. Don't go what I did, tell your nurse to ask them to leave. All it did was annoy me they were there.

The first few days at home are rough. I'm glad my mom wal there (stepdad, not so much!) but after a couple days I was ready for them to leave. You get the hang of it pretty quickly. I think it depends on how they are though. My mom was good about cooking and doing stuff that I couldn't/ didn't want to do. Don't be afraid to tell them to go run some errands though if you need a break!!

[mrsjenrn]

My parents are in NC and H's are in CT. We told them no one was allowed for 2 weeks after Z was born ( and they couldn't visit at the same time). They also were not allowed to stay at our house. That was the best idea we ever had! It was nice for them to visit all day and then we had our alone time with her at night. Only my MIL ended up coming down bc my FIL was having some health issues, and she ended up staying with us. She is very nice and everything, but giving Z a pacifier behind my back at least twice (after I had told her absolutely no pacifiers yet) and barging into our room in the middile of the night when Z was crying sort of put me over the edge. My parents and sister came first and it was so nice with them here (my dad didn't stay as long). They were so helpful. MAybe it's just because we sort of do things the same way and I felt more comfortable with them. IDK, but it was definitely different than my MIL's visit.

[mrsshawanab]

I called my parents at 3:30am when my water broke and they got in the car and drove up from Ft. Lauderdale about an hour later. They made it to the hospital 10 minutes before push time, came in the room and gave me hugs and then went to the waiting room while we did our thang. Everyone was on the same page with that, I didn't want them in there and they didn't want to be in there. H's parents live in NC so they flew down a few days later. This was the first grandchild on both sides of our family so everyone wanted to be involved and I can't blame them for that.

The thing with us is that we are Jewish and we had a boy, which meant we had a bris (although we have since decided if we have another boy, we will not be partaking in this tradition next time.. long story). Anyway-- A bris must happen 7-8 days after our baby is born, and it is a big celebration involving a religious ceremony and lots of food. We had 50 people at our house 5 days after I got home from the hospital - luckily I was feeling pretty good physically besides some soreness of course. Therefore, I was super thankful my mom was staying with us because although we had a lot of stuff planned, we couldn't order it until we knew the exact date of the event after he was born and there was a lot of prep work. And having 50 people at your house right after birth is kind of traumatizing even for me who loves events..

My parents left the day after the bris so they were with us for about 8 days and it was nice because my mom is amazing with babies but more importantly, she did NOT tell us what to do. She waited for us to ask for help or advice. H's mom on the other hand is very opinionated and although they stayed at a hotel, it was still overwhelming at times and in fact H had a few argumens with her so it was not so great.

So I agree with Meg, if someone is going to come help, make sure it is someone that will be supportive and not controlling because you will be very emotional and on edge and if you are anything like me, you won't want someone judging your new parenting skills. But if they are supportive, it's great to have an extra set of hands to cook or clean. We also have great friends and one of our friends made us 2 weeks of meals for the freezer -- a blessing really. This could be a good idea to do yourself before the baby is born (hindsight).