Hi! I'd really like to hear from you all

[flex]

It's been so quiet here.  Please check-in and let us know how you're doing!!  

[arch01]

Hi!

I'm...ok. I'm about to leave for a girl's weekend/half marathon and am excited to get outta dodge for a couple days. I am in desperate need of some alone time. I'm mentally checked out of work, being a mom and being a wife. I need a couple days where someone doesn't need me to do something for them. 

I found the first thing (well, since he's been back at least) that DH doesn't 100% recall saying today due to alcohol. The night everything went down we had a long conversation about hypothetical kid #2. Today he told me that he only vaguely recalls it and doesn't know what he was thinking-he 100% doesn't want another. It rattled me a bit that he doesn't recall this much, making me wonder what else was said that I took one way or another while he was drinking, and also made me a little sad that that door is shut tightly for DH. We've said for awhile that we'd be one/done, but I waiver a bit. I think I like the idea of #2 more that I like the reality of #2.

On a positive note, he's closing in on 90 days. He's pretty sure he's found a sponsor. 

[malibu]

Same story, different day at the Malibu house.

[flex]

I'm doing fairly well. Work keeps me busy as always. I'm currently working on getting the clutter in my office organized and archived. I'm not done yet, but the office is already looking better.

My mom is doing okay. Her tumors have shrunk some due to her chemo treatments. But she's definitely not the person she used to be. And her eventual death from this disease is on her mind. We went shopping at local bazaars and she shared with me that she doesn't want to buy many things because she knows her time is limited and why buy "stuff" when she won't be around.

I think this is weighing heavily on my subconscious because while I was staying at her house I woke up one night during a very vivid, weird dream and I started crying real tears. The dream had nothing to do with my mom, but I think the emotion that accompanied it did.

[flex]

Dig this: the main jist of the dream had to do with GEORGE CLOONEY? Seriously? George Frickin' Clooney? lol

[krisandgrace]

I am also getting ready for a get away girls weekend this weekend which I am really looking forward too. My sister is about to get her 20 years sober so I am taking her to Boston for the night Saturday and we are going to do some shopping, eating and hit a comedy club.

 As for my life, I'm not doing great but not horrible. My aunt is in hospice and has been having trouble getting enough air due to fluid on her lungs. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer a little over a year ago and it has been very hard at times but it is getting really hard now that we are close to the end. My mom died when I was 20 so she has been like a mother to me. On top of that my husband has been sick going on years now with what we think is long term Lyme disease. We have been to a ton of doctors and specialist but no real help or diagnosis. He has chronic head aches and fatigue which ebb and flow in severity but never go away. Currently he is on week three of a near constant migraine, he only made it work one this week. I have been fighting a sense of doom that he is never going to get better. I decided this week it is probably a good time to get back into therapy because I am not handling it all that well right now.

Anyway, looking forward to the weekend and a little Christmas cheer!

[Black Lavender]

I'm here. Finally just got to see my therapist after my intensive outpatient sessions ended in October. I did really well during IOP, but now I'm starting to feel like I'm going on a downward spiral with my catastrophic thinking and I'm really not sure about my meds. I'm currently taking celexa and klonopin (as needed). There are times I know that I should probably take the klonopin, but I don't bc it makes me worthless. Ativan worked much better for me in these situations, but my doc doesn't like to prescribe benzos at all but he agreed that I needed something stronger than the vistaril that I was taking while I was inpatient. My mom's health is deteriorating (she has COPD and sarcoidosis from asbestos) and I haven't been able to go see her even though she's only 20 mins away. Sorry for rambling...

Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

[btay]

I am tired all the time, so I think my seasonal depression is kicking in. I have a happy lamp that I am going to start using regularly to hopefully get me back to a better place. MN winters are tough Things with H are still confusing. He is loving and affectionate one day and then distant the next. I'm starting to think he is just delaying the inevitable decision to divorce. I get the sense he is replacing his alcohol addiction with a sex addiction and since I have vaginismus I'm not exactly helpful in that department. Trying to keep a positive attitude though and enjoy the holidays.

[spedrunner]

thanks for the check in

Hmmmm I seem to have good days and bad

Some days I focus so much on my food, my anxiety is bad. It is all I can think of (well not eating or restricting)

other days it is better. I seem to be struggling with the in between meals and still figuring out if my body is hungry, what i want , and that it is OK to eat an an unstructured time ((((Gasp, how can i eat before dinner!?!?!)

A lot of my anxiety comes from thinking what the "right" thing to do is (right time to eat, right THING to eat, right, right, right)  I just want to let go 

THESE things are preventing me from living life and being happy, excited , emotional

I have not spoken MUCH to my father at all. He can not even look me in the eye. Its pretty bad. I have told him how I felt several times, I am trying to just accept him and who he is, but I can not seem to forget, I get angry a lot

I have a lot of built up anger.

I seem to get angry at others quite often. I do not have the patience, or i have very little tolerance for things and people

I hate being and feeling this way

BUT The important thing is I have feelings again. Good or bad, they are there

[malibu]

Dec 15, 2014 15:11:36 GMT -5 spedrunner said:

thanks for the check in

Hmmmm I seem to have good days and bad

Some days I focus so much on my food, my anxiety is bad. It is all I can think of (well not eating or restricting)

other days it is better. I seem to be struggling with the in between meals and still figuring out if my body is hungry, what i want , and that it is OK to eat an an unstructured time ((((Gasp, how can i eat before dinner!?!?!)

A lot of my anxiety comes from thinking what the "right" thing to do is (right time to eat, right THING to eat, right, right, right)  I just want to let go 

THESE things are preventing me from living life and being happy, excited , emotional

I have not spoken MUCH to my father at all. He can not even look me in the eye. Its pretty bad. I have told him how I felt several times, I am trying to just accept him and who he is, but I can not seem to forget, I get angry a lot

I have a lot of built up anger.

I seem to get angry at others quite often. I do not have the patience, or i have very little tolerance for things and people

I hate being and feeling this way

BUT The important thing is I have feelings again. Good or bad, they are there

Re: the bolded - me too. All the time, it seems.

Re: the last sentence - that is an AWESOME way to look at it - feelings are there, and you appreciate having them.

[kirra]

I'm dealing with some pretty major situational depression. Here's hoping it stays situational and doesn't affect my normal stuff.

[Black Lavender]

Dec 14, 2014 16:11:04 GMT -5 @courtneyloves said:

Dec 12, 2014 20:48:53 GMT -5 Black Lavender said:

I'm here. Finally just got to see my therapist after my intensive outpatient sessions ended in October. I did really well during IOP, but now I'm starting to feel like I'm going on a downward spiral with my catastrophic thinking and I'm really not sure about my meds. I'm currently taking celexa and klonopin (as needed). There are times I know that I should probably take the klonopin, but I don't bc it makes me worthless. Ativan worked much better for me in these situations, but my doc doesn't like to prescribe benzos at all but he agreed that I needed something stronger than the vistaril that I was taking while I was inpatient. My mom's health is deteriorating (she has COPD and sarcoidosis from asbestos) and I haven't been able to go see her even though she's only 20 mins away. Sorry for rambling...

Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

Hugs, dear lady.  Are you still seeing your therapist for talk therapy?  I'm sorry about your mom.  That must be heavy on your heart.  

Thank you! Yup, just started seeing my therapist again which I'm very happy about, I just have to get used to my new normal. ) Thank you again...it really means a lot

Sent from my SCH-I545 using proboards

[justkly]

Hugs to everyone. You ladies are so, so much stronger than you realize. You give me strength. Thank you and Happy Holidays to everyone.

[elenetxu]

Things are going pretty well. I'm still battling with DH to try and get him back into treatment for anxiety/possible BPD, but it's tough. Even his ex-psychiatrist called him stubborn.

We'll see. Apart from a few bumps, he's been great lately.

[phoenixrising]

My therapy hiatus is three weeks down and four to go, unless I can get an appointment as soon as my therapist gets back from medical leave. My eating is all over the place, and my depression is increased, mostly due to the season and some difficult anniversaries this month.

Thinking of all of you...

[SwimDeep]

So...it's been a while... I can't say that too much has changed with me. H relapsed but has recently reconnected with his sponsor and the program. If I wasn't still stuck on step 1, I think I'd be in the program too.

I'm still depressed and anxious, but I think I've got the meds worked out. I did okay this past quarter in school, and now I've only got one class left which isn't offered until spring. So I've got a long break between now and then where I can focus on recovering. I have gained a lot of weight...I'm upset about it, but I think I'll be able to lose weight in a healthy way.

I'm thinking about starting a blog, but I'm not certain. It's been good for me to participate on GBCN, but I'm not sure I'm ready to really put myself out there on the Internet.

[spedrunner]

**Update**
after almost 2 years of NOT having my period, GUESS what came tonight?

Right now I feel happy, tomorrow it will prob be a different story (cramps, etc)
this explains my emotions lately!

yay for me! I hope i stay positive about this

[spedrunner]

Dec 19, 2014 19:03:34 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

So...it's been a while... I can't say that too much has changed with me. H relapsed but has recently reconnected with his sponsor and the program. If I wasn't still stuck on step 1, I think I'd be in the program too.

I'm still depressed and anxious, but I think I've got the meds worked out. I did okay this past quarter in school, and now I've only got one class left which isn't offered until spring. So I've got a long break between now and then where I can focus on recovering. I have gained a lot of weight...I'm upset about it, but I think I'll be able to lose weight in a healthy way.

I'm thinking about starting a blog, but I'm not certain. It's been good for me to participate on GBCN, but I'm not sure I'm ready to really put myself out there on the Internet.

you should!!

Check mine out, it is def. my therapy, i write, and vent and do what ever! ITs more for me than anything else, but I have some pretty dedicated followers


coffeechalk.wordpress.com/

[SwimDeep]

spedrunner - you're actually my inspiration! I'd never thought about writing a blog until I read yours. I feel like writing one could really help me, and at the same time I'm scared to make myself vulnerable. The ideas are building, though. I've had a URL reserved for almost a year now. I think I'm going to try to launch in January

[spedrunner]

Dec 19, 2014 22:15:25 GMT -5 SwimDeep said:

spedrunner - you're actually my inspiration! I'd never thought about writing a blog until I read yours. I feel like writing one could really help me, and at the same time I'm scared to make myself vulnerable. The ideas are building, though. I've had a URL reserved for almost a year now. I think I'm going to try to launch in January

yes !  Do it!! It will be a weight off your shoulders! It feels so great