Not @ Related. Is this weird/flamable?

[ohgillian]

I didn't want to post this out on the main board, so I thought I'd come in here where there are slightly fewer people.

This might be flamable or just wrong; I'd like to know what other people think.

My aunt and uncle (technically: my mom's cousin and his wife) were murdered about 5 years ago. One of their daughters, who is perhaps 40, uses a photo of them as her facebook profile picture. At times she has changed it to other things, but most of the time, she uses their picture.

I would NEVER say anything to her about this, but I find it disturbing to log into FB and see my aunt and uncle. Their deaths were really traumatic for our whole family and obviously, for their children as well. I have hidden her from my FB feed, but the photo still shows up regularly in the right-hand column showing that she has played X game or Y game.

I'm wondering whether I'm "wrong" to feel disturbed by this, or if the average person might also find it disturbing. I'm NOT saying she should change it; I'm only saying that I find it upsetting and I wonder if that's normal? To clarify, it doesn't reduce me to tears of anything. It just reminds me of a horrible, horrible memory. Because unless I actively try to remember other things, my first association when I think of them is of their murders.

SO: Opinions or thoughts? Please be gentle. Thanks.

[jenny1223]

I can understand how seeing their picture immediately reminds you of their tragic murder but I'm assuming for their daughter, their picture reminds her of all the wonderful memories she has of them. I don't think you're wrong for feeling like you do.

[jennlin]

i agree, it's kind of weird...but if it helps her cope, then that's her deal. i can see doing it shortly after, or on their birthdays/anniversaries..but not all/most the time.

i would feel weird about it, too, so you're in the clear i think.

[vanillacourage]

You're not wrong, but she's not either.

You can hide updates about games just like you hide people - just hover to the right of the update.

[dr.girlfriend]

Aug 3, 2012 12:12:07 GMT -5 jenny1223 said:

I can understand how seeing their picture immediately reminds you of their tragic murder but I'm assuming for their daughter, their picture reminds her of all the wonderful memories she has of them. I don't think you're wrong for feeling like you do.

I agree. I don't think your feelings are wrong, but neither are hers. A lot of people use loved ones as their avatar, kind of like people put their kids but not themselves in siggy pics. If she doesn't have a kid or something to pop up there and that's the pic that makes her happy, then it's for her to do. Their mode of death doesn't counteract their lives, especially for people closest to them.

[satama]

I think it is kind of weird, but I also think it is weird you find it disturbing. I mean I get it that they died tragically, but it is pretty normal have photos of deceased loved ones in your home or whatever, so I dont get your response honestly. I mean would it be upsetting to you if you went to her home and there were pictures of her parents displayed?

[Deleted]

I think it's weird too but people do weird things on Facebook. My cousin got married 9 years ago. Her parents have since divorced. She recently made her picture a wedding picture of her and her parents, no one else. I thought that was weird too.

[thedash]

I agree with everyone else, it is not weird that you feel the way you do when you see it. If you think there is something else that indicates you haven't been able to get over it or are still traumatized by the event, that may be a different story.

[ohgillian]

Thanks everyone; just wanted a reality check.

To the PP who asked if I'd find it weird if my cousin had photos up in her home: No, I would not find that weird at all. Honestly, I'd be surprised if she had up photos of other family members and DIDN'T have her parents. To me, this is different because typically, when you log into facebook, you are presented with little pictures of people you've friended and are able to communicate with, but with her profile pic, that's not the case. I wouldn't even find it weird if she had an entire FB photo album full of her parents; it's the use of the pic as a profile pic that I was specifically asking about.

Thanks, everyone.

[hannamaren]

If my parents died and I missed them, I might put them there in memory and to "educate" my friends all abiut them.
But then again, maybe just in anniversaries.

[luvmagoldn]

Not as weird as H's cousin who was posting using their recently deceased grandfather's account. And commenting on things posted by family members. H had to call him out on that.