One of my old co-workers goes to xh's cousin to get her hair cut. Xh's family is VERY close, and I really wasn't sure what they were all thinking about me leaving. Cousin told co-worker than no one blames me for leaving, that they all know what he was like.
Also, my sister ran into one of xh's good friends a week ago, and he told her that he couldn't believe I didn't leave sooner.
On the one hand, it's embarrassing that people saw so much more than I realized. On the other, it's such a relief to know that people understand, and support the decision I made, even though I know it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.
I'd take it all as a good thing- they like you and they know he's a creep.
I was in a similiar situation- in fact, I know that ex's family still tells him not to "mess up this relationship like you did the last one." (That's a direct quote from his then 11-yo niece)
Post by snipsnsnails on Aug 3, 2012 12:32:54 GMT -5
I get what you mean, Bern. It's the universe's way of giving you just a little bit more validation and reassurance that you did what was right and good for you.
I get what you mean, Bern. It's the universe's way of giving you just a little bit more validation and reassurance that you did what was right and good for you.
I 100% agree with snips on this. And I can understand your mixed feelings, but it's really nice to feel like everyone is on your side, kwim?
I'm still friends with some of my XH's cousins, and they constantly reassure me I did the right thing by leaving. They told me that my XMIL is still devastated over our divorce and can't believe her son fucked up as badly as he did. It feels good to know that others understand why I left.
I know what you mean by the mixed feelings. It's one of those things that when you're in the situation looking out, it's much harder to see the bad situation and that you XH was a douche. From an outsider looking in they picked up on it but I know no one is criticizing you for staying.
You are so lucky to have realized it when you did because you could still be with that loser! Plus now you shouldn't have to wonder if you did the right thing with all of this validation.
This is exactly how exBIL's family was about my sister. He was doucheassholebag and everyone knew it. They felt so bad for my sister and the shit he put her through.
They've been divorced and my sister is now remarried. exBIL's family treat my sister and her new H as family while my exBIL is god knows where. They are all very good people and her ex screwed everyone in that family.
I think you should take comfort in knowing that you are a good person and everyone knew it. It's a shame they lost a great daughter/cousin/sister - in law because your ex is not a good person
Post by kellbell191 on Aug 3, 2012 12:54:42 GMT -5
The good news is, everyone knows you're awesome, and now that you know how much awesomer you are than he is, you can learn from it and have better healthier relationships going forward.