s/o Does your mom offer constructive 'comments'?

[Deleted]

Aug 3, 2012 13:48:01 GMT -5 hubes said:

Aug 3, 2012 13:46:13 GMT -5 broc said:

My mom is hilariously self-centered and myopic. Like last week she was talking about how this one kid she knows is so sloppy, and she's SO glad she taught her kids to clean up after themselves. She'd be super hurt if I told her I pretty much taught myself with the help of a lot of different tools and she's a dirty hoarder. It was kind of a struggle to not laugh in her face.

This is my mom! I grew up hearing how hard she worked on cleaning the house and how it was her kids that made it dirty and blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, DH and I have talked about how gross and unsanitary my parents house is, and how we feel like T shouldn't stay there.

My mom is like this too. When we were growing up ,it was our faultl the house is a mess (even though I know that at age 8 I did more housework than she ever did), and now that she lives with only my grandma, her house is still a mess. She just does not see the dirt and has vastly different standareds for what is clean than I do.

[hubes]

Aug 3, 2012 13:54:46 GMT -5 broc said:

Aug 3, 2012 13:48:01 GMT -5 hubes said:

This is my mom! I grew up hearing how hard she worked on cleaning the house and how it was her kids that made it dirty and blah, blah, blah.

Honestly, DH and I have talked about how gross and unsanitary my parents house is, and how we feel like T shouldn't stay there.

and now, it's all of Dad's shit making it dirty, don't you know! My brother and I have already told her point blank that when they both die we're renting a dumpster and buying snow shovels but I don't think that's inspired her any.

I haven't heard that one yet. And I haven't been lucky enough to tell her that- I'm just growing increasingly thankful that I'm 100 miles away.

And I really want to say "You really think that your dirty house has nothing to do with the fact that you set your dirty plate on the counter every damn day and don't even bother to clean it off?"

But then she starts in on how dirty my house is and I want to shank her.

[Deleted]

Oh, my MIL says some nasty stuff to/about DH and makes him feel like shit at least every other month. They'll hash it out and go back to normal for awhile. I don't know how they haven't ended up in a permanent rift yet, but I can see it in the future. She acts over the moon for DS, but I've told DH that I will not tolerate her saying anything but kind words to DS, and the first time it happens will be the last time she sees him.

He told her that (not mentioning that I had said it first) and she was all offended that he could think she could possibly say anything mean.

[Deleted]

I think my mom has been depressed since we were little and has a low self esteem. Because of this, she's manipulative, deceitful, almost delusional in her importance/power/how fucking clean she is. She's always the victim.

I don't think the woman has ever given constructive criticism in her life. The older I get, the more I feel for her, bc what a shitty way to live and I know she must feel so alone.

I generally just ignore it, and either end the conversation, or not acknowledge the jabs. She seems to miss the drama that comes with addressing her bitchiness.

[wildfloweragain]

Aug 3, 2012 12:46:25 GMT -5 partiallysunny said:

She does. I feel that it is out of competition. Like she needs to compare our lives and if mines is too "perfect" or "better", she has to cut me down to size.

It use to really hurt my feelings. Now that I've matured and I know why she does it I just raise my eyebrows at her and think "this bitch is crazy".

Pretty much this. She and my sister are jealous and think I'm lucky that my life is perfect. My life is not perfect, but I don't complain to her about money, health, etc. Those are my problems, not hers. Also, the things I do have, I got through hard work and perseverance. Oh and having my priorities straight.

She'll go anywhere from telling me I need to wear makeup. picking my zits and tweezing my eyebrows at a young age, to now as an adult just making me feel like a crappy person or saying the same things about my oldest daughter (7 yo who looks like me.)

When she sees me she'll make fun of me for not wearing a girdle/spanx on a daily basis, or for my skin, which has permanent pregnancy melasma that 1. didn't get resolved with a year of laser therapy and 2. I think looks cute, which is one reason I'm attracted to my red headed freckled husband.

I know it means she is just unhappy with herself but it makes me sad because she is the only mother I have. Plus, I came from her.

And she especially likes to kick people when they are down.

[eb777888]

Not now. When I was a kid I was significantly overweight and she always gave me hell, called me fat, put me on diets, told me she worried I'd grow up to be ugly. It was horrible. I moved in with my dad when i was 10 and we were estranged from then until I had my son three years ago. She's never apologized but I know she's changed and I think she regrets what she said.

Since my son was born, I never even say the words "fat" or "ugly" in our home. Ever. I think I am trying too hard to go in the opposite direction by constantly telling him how handsome he is!

[silva]

my mom is and has always been very opinionated and unfortunately I didn't take it well.

some gems.

"If only you would pluck your eyebrows, silva...you would look so pretty."

"Why don't you wear more make up. You would look so pretty."

"I didn't want to say this but I never liked the dress you picked out for your wedding. It wasn't my first choice."

"You should cut your hair short, it looks so cute on you."

"Why must you always wear frumpy clothes?" This was in jr high, the height of self esteem issues for everyone I'm sure. My mom would purchase women's career wear (dress pants, blouses) for me to wear to school. Constantly bitch how much money I made her waste with all those clothes i never wore.

and of course the weight issue...but to her defense she's obese and knows how hard it is once you reach a point of no return and doesn't want me to be that way.

yeah.

[Deleted]

She doesn't, actually.

My mom is wonderful. She is incredibly supportive and only offers her opinion when I ask for it. If I just need an ear to listen, she doesn't say a word. If I ask her advice, she stays calm and collected and brings up all sides and options of any situation rather than just "here's what I would do" or "here's what you should do."

I love my mom.<3

[ElizabethBennet]

My mom used to be very, very hard on me. It was mostly when she was angry and was saying things that she knew would hurt me (i.e, I wasn't pretty enough, I was fat, etc). Things are A LOT better now and I can usually count on her to offer support when I need it.

Our relationship sucked for a really long time but now we get along very well and talk almost everyday. It took awhile for us to get to that point though.

She also has never ever criticized my parenting and regularly tells me I'm a great mom which really means a lot to me. She may not agree with all that I do but if she doesn't she doesn't say anything.

As far as not doing it with my own daughter, I just don't. I try to not criticize my looks or my weight around her. I also try to be as encouraging as possible with her, and not just based on her looks either. I would die if my daughter felt the same way I did at times growing up because of things I said to her.

[Doc_Lobster]

My mom is the complete opposite. We can do no wrong. My dad is the critical one

[Deleted]

Both of my parents have criticized me incessantly since I was a child.

It is not constructive.

It is just mean.

[Mrs.Rad888]

My mom has always been supportive, even when she should have spoken up. Of course, would it have changed my mind if she advised me to wait to marry XH?

[dowagercountess]

My mom was very critical when I was younger. Direct criticism. This has gone away...she might comment on something I've done, but never the criticism of who I am or how I look.

[Deleted]

No. I don't know what's worse. Giving criticism or just not giving a fuck.

On the other hand, my mil has no problem dishing it out!

[Deleted]

Wow. I appreciate my mom right now.

[Jermys]

She used to rag on me constantly, but she's really chilled out in the past week.



Too soon?

[flex]

Aug 3, 2012 23:16:52 GMT -5 elle said:

Wow. I appreciate my mom right now.

Me too.

[cheesierthanchedda]

Aug 3, 2012 23:55:45 GMT -5 Jermys said:

She used to rag on me constantly, but she's really chilled out in the past week.



Too soon?

LOL! :heart: You've been cracking me up all week. I love that humor is your preferred way of grieving.