No, and I feel so sad for how many peoples' mothers are just terrible from the posts I see on GBCN. It makes me a little more thankful that I have a really awesome mother, since clearly that's not always the norm.
not my mom, but my dad. and i wouldn't say he is my biggest fan or that it is meant to be constructive. i ignore. this is a huge improvement from crying and running out of the room.
She does and it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized she also is my biggest critic and my biggest fan. We did not get along at all during my teenage years because she was so critical but now 1)she doesn't do it as often and 2) I just ignore it.
My mom just pressures. She'll bring something up and up and up again and ignore anything I say about not wanting to hear it. She is also pretty sensitive when I bring up "please don't say xyz" after the fact, and it's gotten worse since having the kids (but I think her feelings were hurt that we didn't tell her about the cf stuff / amnio until after the fact). Most of our issues revolve around her wanting/thinking we have a different relationship than we really do.
My mom is really critical. I try to brush it off, and in front of her I do, but it still really stings. I will say though, that she's gotten better. I think its because I give her the impression that I don't give a shit (even if I do).
Yes, but I wouldn't call it constructive. My mom shoots out all the random thoughts that cross her mind.
Currently it is "OMG, with all that running, you should be skinny? Whay are you not?" "Maybe running makes your belly floppy?" "You look oregnant in that dress, with your belly you really shouldn't wear that style"
I handle it like a teenager. I say "WHATEVER MAWM" and then complain to DH about my bitchy mom.
Yes and it builds up over time until I loose it because I've had enough. Hence my unstated but enforced rule of no visits for linger than 3 days. The only exception was when I had my daughter but I was in the hospital for half her visit.
Post by partiallysunny on Aug 3, 2012 12:46:25 GMT -5
She does. I feel that it is out of competition. Like she needs to compare our lives and if mines is too "perfect" or "better", she has to cut me down to size.
It use to really hurt my feelings. Now that I've matured and I know why she does it I just raise my eyebrows at her and think "this bitch is crazy".
No, but she (and my dad) used to. When I told her I was pregnant with my 3rd kid, and we were poor, she said, "Oh Ruby, I can't believe you weren't more careful. What were you thinking? What are you going to dooooo?" So, I got pissed, packed up my kids, went home, and didn't talk to her for a very long time. She kept her shit to herself after that.
About 12 years later, I left my exH. My dad said: "You will never be able to do it by yourself with 3 kids. Those kids will walk all over you and run wild. Mark my words. Forget this nonsense. Swallow your pride and go beg him to take you back." I told him to crack open another beer, went home, and didn't talk to HIM for a very long time. He later apologized for that bullshit and my mom told me they both had agreed that they never had seen me or my kids happier and more relaxed.
Now, my MIL is the non-constructive criticizer. I walk away, go outside and smoke a cigarette. H can deal with her; I refuse to engage.
She rarely does so when she has something critical to say I listen. And she is always spot on with her criticisms. She knows me better than I know myself sometimes and it is annoying lol.
Yes, my mom can be an asshole. Its not that she is meanspirited, she just has no filter and lacks tact. Basically nothing is ever good enough for her (e.g., I used to be too heavy, now I am too thin, etc....) Um, I just ignore it and call my sisters and bitch about her. And wine.
Yes, my mom can be an asshole. Its not that she is meanspirited, she just has no filter and lacks tact. Basically nothing is ever good enough for her (e.g., I used to be too heavy, now I am too thin, etc....) Um, I just ignore it and call my sisters and bitch about her. And wine.
Ditto this exactly. I tend to roll my eyes and continue the conversation. Occasionally I'll say, "Thanks mom for the self-esteem boost!" and she'll retort with a sulky, "Well it's true."
My mom's pretty cool. She doesn't interfere with my life. She will cluck over me a bit when I visit, but as far as being critical, she's not. Honestly, compared to my two sisters, I'm the pillar of normalness in her eyes. lol
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by picklepie09 on Aug 3, 2012 13:27:23 GMT -5
My mom had a major stroke about 18months ago and almost died. she now has no opinions nor does she give a rats ass about me or whats going on. I believe that is from the stroke she has lost that part of her brain. HOWEVER when she was well she was MEAN. If my sister and I gained weight she would point it out. And not gently. If she didn't like a hair cut she would tell you. when you would say "gee thanks Ma" she would say "well if your own mom can't be honest what good is that" .. she never sugarcoated a damn thing in her life. our parenting is subpar, she hates my dress etc. She was NEVER EVER EVER one to say "hey you look great, or hey you are doing a great job. Thank god my dad was like that. BUT if she got her hair cut and you didn't say anything she would call you out and ream you like nobody's business. But get this: none of this bothered me because I knew deep down she loved us. But now with her brain all messed up she doesn't even have those impulses or feelings. I would kill for her to insult me. it would mean she was back to the way she used to be. How pathetic is that
Post by cheesierthanchedda on Aug 3, 2012 13:32:08 GMT -5
My mom and I have a pretty open relationship. She will make comments (most often about my weight), but it's always in a concerned kind of way. But I also have 0 problems telling her to fuck off. Like TR, I think my mom is a little afraid of pissing me off too much because I have the power. She knows I won't put up with shit. I'll just stop coming over, stop telling her about anything in my life, etc. She doesn't want that.
Mom has actually worked very hard in the last year or so to keep our family close. She insists on having dinner win all of us (me, my brother and my step sister) AND all of our s/o's. She wants us to be a close family SO bad. Her family is not close at all so I think she wants to break that cycle. But Mom can be a boundary-crosser, so when she does I remind her how easily she can lose what she's been trying to build.
She generally doesn't say much critical to me now. She was pretty mean to me when I was in my late teens/early twenties. She has never criticized any parenting I do, and I think it's mostly because she agrees with my methods and only partly because she's afraid of overstepping and losing time with her grandson.
My sister has pretty much stated her position to be opposite mine on a lot of parenting/baby care issues. So I worry that when my sister has kids, she and my mom will start fighting and I'll be getting a lot of phone calls from both of them.
My mom has made some pretty rude comments about weight to both me and my sister. She stopped making them after one caused my sister to stop talking to her for nearly two months.
Now she's just PA about pointing out her superior food choices and how she hasn't had any carbonated beverage in almost a year.
My mom is hilariously self-centered and myopic. Like last week she was talking about how this one kid she knows is so sloppy, and she's SO glad she taught her kids to clean up after themselves. She'd be super hurt if I told her I pretty much taught myself with the help of a lot of different tools and she's a dirty hoarder. It was kind of a struggle to not laugh in her face.
Nope. DS has brought about a huge change in my family (definitely not all good, but with mom it was good change).
My mom watches DS while we're at work and has since he was 3 months old. She bought all of the supplies for her house (fully outfitted bedroom for him [crib, dresser, clothes, linens], formula, bottles, dishes, food, extra clothes, etc) we we wouldn't have to pack stuff for him every day.
She usually sends us home with dinner or some sort of snack (cupcakes, cookies, etc) at least once a week. She gives DS his bath before we pick him up so we have time to just be with DS in the evening.
At least once every few weeks she tells me I look like I lost weight (I'm half-trying, I've lost two sizes since this time last year) and she's always saying that I'm a really good mom.
Before DS... we didn't get along very well. We hit a really bad time back when I was in high school and never really hashed it out. We finally talked, she apologized for a lot of stuff and we're over it.
MIL... she's a bitch. She's constantly criticizing me. Most notably was when she critized me for holding DS when he came back from being circumcized; I was "coddling him" too much. Fuck you bitch. My son just had surgery. I'll hold him all I want.
She makes comments while H is out of the room, assuming she'll get away with it that way. Nope. I'm more than happy to engage with her. She's already told me she doesn't like me (because I stole her son and because I don't try to "replace" her daugher - who moved across the country the second she turned 18) so I'm not concerned one iota about what I say to her.
My mom is hilariously self-centered and myopic. Like last week she was talking about how this one kid she knows is so sloppy, and she's SO glad she taught her kids to clean up after themselves. She'd be super hurt if I told her I pretty much taught myself with the help of a lot of different tools and she's a dirty hoarder. It was kind of a struggle to not laugh in her face.
This is my mom! I grew up hearing how hard she worked on cleaning the house and how it was her kids that made it dirty and blah, blah, blah.
Honestly, DH and I have talked about how gross and unsanitary my parents house is, and how we feel like T shouldn't stay there.
DH and I are in a tough spot with moms at the moment.
Mine doesn't necessarily criticize but in our relationship I am supposed to be the level headed one. I wish she was a better support system for me and not just vice versa. She isn't one to be "mean" but she is manipulative and gets in a snit about anything and everything.
MIL can be flat out MEAN and I refuse to allow DS (and kind of even DH) near her without me being there because there is no way that woman will hurt either of the men in my life. None.
My mom is hilariously self-centered and myopic. Like last week she was talking about how this one kid she knows is so sloppy, and she's SO glad she taught her kids to clean up after themselves. She'd be super hurt if I told her I pretty much taught myself with the help of a lot of different tools and she's a dirty hoarder. It was kind of a struggle to not laugh in her face.
This is my mom! I grew up hearing how hard she worked on cleaning the house and how it was her kids that made it dirty and blah, blah, blah.
Honestly, DH and I have talked about how gross and unsanitary my parents house is, and how we feel like T shouldn't stay there.
and now, it's all of Dad's shit making it dirty, don't you know! My brother and I have already told her point blank that when they both die we're renting a dumpster and buying snow shovels but I don't think that's inspired her any.