Talking to your kids about sex

[vanillacourage]

When will you start? What will you say?

To entertain you, this thread is sparked by this, which I found funny:

I want my 16-year-old daughter to have a happy and satisfying sex life. I don’t expect her to be a virgin on her wedding day, nor do I think she should be. I hope she takes all possible steps to protect herself from sexually transmitted diseases, but I believe it would be better if she had more than one sexual partner. All of this I want for her—just not yet. Figuring out how to convey the messages that sex is one of life’s great pleasures and that its consequences can be devastating requires a continuing conversation with your child. But of course it’s difficult to talk to someone who’s making gagging noises.
That means that sometimes you must use stealth to check in with your teenagers about their sex lives. I like to strike when she’s vulnerable:

Daughter: Maybe I shouldn’t go to school. I feel really sick.
Me: Is it because you’re pregnant?

Sometimes one must disarm them with a non sequitur:

Daughter: Can you drop me at the mall this afternoon?
Me: I will if you’re still a virgin.


:-( :-( :-(

www.slate.com/articles/double_x/books/2012/08/talking_to_your_children_about_sex_sinikka_elliott_s_not_my_kid_reviewed.html

[jenn248]

That's pretty funny. Now if I can only remember it for the next 16 years...

[MamaMaui24]

I bought (but haven't read) Talking to your kids about sex by dr. Laura Berman.

I know she advocates using proper names (penis, vulva) instead of "wee wee" or "flower" or whatever made up name.

She said to even start making your kids comfortable about their bodies and bodily functions when changing diapers. Don't say "gross" or "stinky" say "That was a healthy bowel movement!"

DH and I have had fun saying that to DS. . That was a REALLY healthy BM, son!

[ijack]

Aug 3, 2012 13:50:41 GMT -5 MamaMaui24 said:

I bought (but haven't read) Talking to your kids about sex by dr. Laura Berman.

I know she advocates using proper names (penis, vulva) instead of "wee wee" or "flower" or whatever made up name.

She said to even start making your kids comfortable about their bodies and bodily functions when changing diapers. Don't say "gross" or "stinky" say "That was a healthy bowel movement!"

DH and I have had fun saying that to DS. . That was a REALLY healthy BM, son!

This is actually very important from another standpoint as well - if your child is ever touched inappropriately you want adults to know immediately what happened if they tell. Not wonder because they said "so and so licked my cookie."

[schrodinger]

We've already started the sex talk to a degree. SD1 has been masturbating since she was 5, so we've been talking to her sex and masturbation for about 3 years. There's a history of sexual abuse on their mother's side, so we're also big on using the proper terms for body parts for the reasons PP brought up.

I do like that article. I think the thing that we'll emphasize is that sex is not just physical, but there's an emotional part. And even though they might be physically ready at 15 or 16, they should wait until they're emotionally ready as well.

[momabear]

My daughter is almost 10 and we just had our second "puberty" talk today. I found out she will watch the video in school this year and I wanted to talk to her first. We haven't made it to sex yet, but I feel like this should be a conversation that happens gradually as they are ready. We did talk about periods to which she screamed and said "this is really gross and weird to talk about with you." I offered to explain why we get periods in relation to having babies and she said "no way!"

I feel pretty good about this as my mother never said a word to me about anything and I had to figure it all out on my own.

So far, we have covered body hair and shaving, BO, boobs, periods and I threw in some anti-smoking and drinking for good measure

I know OP's question was about the sex talk, but I feel you have to work up to it with all this first. I assume we will get the sex question from her within the next year or so. Ugh.

[GailGoldie]

we use proper names for body parts. My boys have no fear talking about their penis, mommy's vagina, etc. They just think of it like it's their arm or foot, etc.

Griffin is 5 and has had more quesitons lately about my body, why it's different, etc. I just answer him honestly - i'm not embarrassed by the questions. I've always been pretty open talking about stuff like that. (not with my own parents, but just in life).

when it comes time to talk about sex- we'll encourage safe sex, and respecting women. My husband is a great example of respecting women, so I am not worried about my boys - I think they will be good men. They better be!

[SusanBAnthony]

We are very open about this stuff. The kids both know penis, vulva, etc, and use them regularly, often in public to my embarrassment. We were at the dr to get blood draws. And dd said loudly to the receptionist "they are going to put a needle in my vulva!".

Ds is very interested in babies, and how they get made. We have an awesome books called "It's not the stork" which we look at and read quite a bit. He knows ladies have eggs, periods are for getting rid of eggs that didn't get fertilized, and to make a baby, you need sperm (which are like tiny fish) from a man and an egg from a lady. The only thing he doesn't know is exactly how the sperm gets to the egg. I will tell him whenever he asks, though. I figure if it is always just something he knows, and not a big THing, then it will be less of a big deal. Of course, I was raised the same way, so it is easier for me.

Ds is almost 5 and he still sees me naked, we shower together, etc. I will stop the second it bothers him, but in the meantime I am not bothered by nudity at all, and I don't want the kids to worry about it by of me- I figure just like nursing, they aren't going to want to see me naked when they are teenagers