another s/o crazy moms

[hubes]

Why do you still deal with them if they are toxic?

For me, I think it is because she's been unhappy her entire life and been treated poorly. I don't want to treat her poorly, but damn, sometimes its hard to deal with.

[silva]

Aug 3, 2012 15:28:29 GMT -5 hubes said:

Why do you still deal with them if they are toxic?

For me, I think it is because she's been unhappy her entire life and been treated poorly. I don't want to treat her poorly, but damn, sometimes its hard to deal with.

pretty much this.

she's alone. she's old now. she's my mom.

[dcannie]

at one point i highly considered cutting my dad out of my life. the problem w/ that is that would also mean cutting down time with my mom, which i wasn't willing to do. i struggled a lot b/c i dreaded going to visit, even though i really wanted to see and spend time w/ my mom. my mom does visit here every now and then, when she is traveling through for work, but it's not the same kind of time spent.

my dad is a bully to my mom as well, so i definitely don't want to punish her for his behavior by not coming to visit.

and i do admit that i make excuses for my dad. deep down i know he has to love us. maybe he just showed his love by working so much and providing (even though my mom had a career, too.) and maybe he picks out all of our flaws b/c something is lacking in himself; realizing that has made it easier to deal with.

[partiallysunny]

Guilt and the whole "they are my parents" thing.

And a sad, niave hope that things might get better. Someday.

[TemperanceBrennan]

I don't have a crazy mom, but my dad is. I don't have a relationship with him and neither do my sisters. I don't know if my half sisters do, I don't have a relationship with them, because I never really met them and don't really choose to have a relationship with them. My dad has 5 children and doesn't really know how to be a dad to any of us. I know he had bad examples when he grew up, but he could have changed that and at least tried.

Basically I got really tired of how he treats me(and my sisters) and I decided I didn't need it in my life. He doesn't really put any effort in anyway, so it was pretty easy to not include him in things. I did try for a long time to have a relationship with him, but it got too tiring/stressful and it didn't make me happy. I felt like I didn't need all of the drama, it wasn't healthy. He makes his choices and I have to make mine. People can only treat me how I let them treat me, I decided not to allow it anymore.

I do feel bad for him and I do love him. I would love to have a relationship with him and for my future children to have a grandpa, but he made his choices and I can't be responsible for that.

[OHMBLEEGOHHHHH!]

I'm not.

[Deleted]

I kind of feel sorry for her. She just sits at home all day, my brothers don't call her unless they need something, and she constantly makes up illnesses just to get a little bit of attention. Plus, my kid is the only one she ever sees. My niece lives in another provence and she hasn't been able to see my nephew since he was around 9 months old ( around 1.5 years ago).

When I was pregnant with sofia she admitted to me that she knew she was a horrible mother and was willing to do anything to make up for that. A lot of her past crap still creeps up on me from time to time, but I can't deny her a relationship with my dd or future children.

[sara76]

These posts are making me feel so much better about not getting along with my mother. All my friends have great relationships with theirs, as do all the girls in my local group. In the other crappy mom thread speckledfrog said it best, my mother did what she could with the tools that she was given. I don't think she tries to be a crappy mom, it's just she didn't get much growing up to work with. Luckily I had my dad to teach me love and acceptance, so I do my best to accept her for what she is and just know that I am not her. I will break the cycle. And to do that I have to start by treating her with respect.

[Ruby Gloom]

Avoid, avoid, avoid.

I'll hang out until I can't handle it anymore, then it'll be a while before I go over there. They live a street behind me and two blocks over, too, LOL.

I used to expose myself to my toxic grandmother all the time out of a sense of guilt, until I decided that I was just not going to listen to it any more. If she is lonely and sad, sorry about her luck; I guess she should have kept that filter on. I have no need to listen to her rail at me every time I'm with her about my shortcoming of the month.

Maybe it's bitchy, I prefer to think of it as survival.

[pittsmcgee]

I am going to second the guilt mixed with fear.

It sucks, too, because it puts a strain on my marriage.

[Deleted]

I know I painted a pretty bad picture of her. But I actually don't think she is toxic. I think she was attention seeking and clueless about the impact of her words sometimes.

She has apologized for some things. Like the weight comments. She's not as bad now as she use to be. And she is great with my son.

[fryjack2]

I feel sad for her and want to believe that she was the way she was because she is on the spectrum (not officially, but lots of characteristics), stressed, had a cold father, blah blah blah. I make excuses for her. I just cant be that mean to her and cut her off. Especially since she seems to be trying to be more involved in my life now that i have babies. A little too late, but I'm trying to be a better person.

And a little bit of a f you. Like, watch how good of a mom I will be even though you sucked. So maybe im not a better person!

[speckledfrog]

She is a much different mom now that she was when I was growing up. The biggest thing is that she has gotten treatment for depression. The 1000 miles between us also helps a lot!

[mamasaurus]

When we didn't talk for a couple years, I worried about her a lot.