Your perspective?

[spedrunner]

So its been a tough year for me. I am finding myself, learning about what I like, letting go of people pleasing and codepenedent behavior, conquering my ED, its been a tough year mentally (and physically)

I have been able to figure out a lot of my issues and find ways to accept things and people realizing i can not change others.  

Here is what I am STILL having trouble with.

My desire to do things alone. I do NOT like sitting at home alone. I like going places and doing thngs alone. In fact, I prefer it, and actually DREAD making plans with others. When I have plans with others, I immediately get negative feelings about it, and begin to dread it and not feel excited at all. If I know that I am giogn alone, I am excited. I know that I can not go last minute if i find something else to do, do not want to, etc. I will not be disappointing anyone, and I will not feel guilty

When I am with others, I find myself loosing myself again. I become worried about them "Are they having a good time, are they happy? , are they enjoying this?
 In turn, I can not give my attention and focus to what I am doign (movie, theater, shopping, etc)

So what I am trying to figure out is Do i Really enjoy doing things alone or am I running from something?

I think i genuinly enjoy doing things alone. No expectations and I feel happy.  I want to continue to feel happy and excited.

I also want to learn to just be ME with others and not worry so much about them. This is SO hard for me!

Just getting some perspective from others  Feel free to tell me what you think!

[malibu]

You've had a great year of self-reflection and working on helping yourself get better.

I feel the same as you, actually. I used to think I was an extrovert, but over the years, as I'm in my mid-30s now, I am finding myself to be more introverted. I too enjoy being alone. I too get anxiety when I do make plans, and think of ways to bail on things - I usually don't actually excuse myself from social situations, in fact I usually enjoy them when I do go, but most of the time I'd rather be at home with my DD or reading or something.

Maybe you're running from something, I can't say. But maybe you're just introverted, and enjoy spending time alone. If you are out, do you enjoy being with friends/family? If so, I guess the best you can do is just enjoy your time with them and try not to focus on whether or not you're entertaining them. It's not your job to entertain (unless you're a stand up comic or something!), if they aren't having a good time, it's on them, not on you.

Even though I'm just an internet stranger, I'm really proud of you for conquering your ED. It takes a lot of strength and bravery to overcome an ED, like any addiction, and you should focus on realizing how wonderful it is that you accomplished it.

[spedrunner]

Thanks Malibu! It means a lot!

I do enjoy my time with others most of the time when I go but find myself after an hour or two to have had enough and ready to go home.

I too much prefer to read, go for a walk with my pup ,cook etc

I think in part I enjoy people and their company in small short doses. I'm hesitant to tell them I want to leave. I don't want to lie and say " oh well gotta go I have an errrrr dr appt" but I also don't want to say " eh it's been an hour I'm tired of talking to uou I want to go home and do my thing

I need to find the comfort and maybe right people I can be myself with.

[flex]

I've always been something of a loner. I do enjoy being with other people, but I cherish the times I have to myself--particularly now that the boys are grown and lead separate lives.


I used to think there was something wrong with me, but over the past couple years I've learned to embrace that facet of my personality. I mentioned my concerns to a counselor and she said many people are wired the same way I am: to "recharge" they need "alone time". This made me feel much better and led to the acceptance of "me" and the way I am. There's nothing "wrong" with me. lol

[malibu]

I swear there are people who have made those of us who are more introverted feel like something is wrong with us. There isn't. Most of my friends understand that I prefer to be close to home; we tend to do afternoon lunches or short GTGs.

I'm like you, spedrunner. I'd much rather hang with my cats, read, or dink around on my phone or something.

[phoenixrising]

I love being alone. If I can be at home with my dog and cat and Nook and TiVo, I am golden. I often say I am one of the most introverted extroverts I know (as I score a weak extrovert on the MBTI). However, I also struggle with an eating disorder (compulsive overeating/binge eating), other compulsive behaviors, depression, and anxiety, and I honestly think that part of my issue is that I have not hit the self-discovery portion of my work on all that yet (I have been in therapy for about three years and take an SSRI for the depression and anxiety), so being with people is EXHAUSTING because I feel like I have to be "on" because the people I tend to spend time with are not therapeutic for me in my quest to recover from all this stuff. And at least if I am home alone, I can be alone with any intrusive/negative thoughts, and I don't have to fake it.

[spedrunner]

Jan 3, 2015 18:49:57 GMT -5 phoenixrising said:

I love being alone. If I can be at home with my dog and cat and Nook and TiVo, I am golden. I often say I am one of the most introverted extroverts I know (as I score a weak extrovert on the MBTI). However, I also struggle with an eating disorder (compulsive overeating/binge eating), other compulsive behaviors, depression, and anxiety, and I honestly think that part of my issue is that I have not hit the self-discovery portion of my work on all that yet (I have been in therapy for about three years and take an SSRI for the depression and anxiety), so being with people is EXHAUSTING because I feel like I have to be "on" because the people I tend to spend time with are not therapeutic for me in my quest to recover from all this stuff. And at least if I am home alone, I can be alone with any intrusive/negative thoughts, and I don't have to fake it.

I too struggle with an ED, so I wonder if this has more of a role in these feelings than it should (since we both are in teh same boat)

[phoenixrising]

Maybe. I think that when "ED" is strong, one role an eating disorder plays is to isolate us. My therapist told me it's like your eating disorder is standing in front you saying, "Nothing to see here! Just move along!" because an eating disorder thrives when we are not connected to others. Unfortunately, the knowledge of that is not enough to drag me out of myself.