would you be okay with this ?

[katieh]

I love to travel...so much actually this it's kind of my job (I'm a travel writer). My sister has a special needs child and another, older child- my niece - who my sister says should never have to miss out on anything due to her special needs brother

I love the idea of taking my niece on a trip at her 16th birthday. I'd love to start telling her at her 10th birthday that I'm no longer going to buy her barbies and other toys, that every year from now for the next six that I will instead put the money towards a one week trip to anywhere in the world.

But, I'd wondering......will she be as excited about it as I am? Should I wait to tell her until she is older and really "gets" how exciting this is? And should I ask my sister first? Or should I assume that she 'd be okay with her *by that time* 40 year old sister taking her 16-year old daughter to Europe? Or should I ask before I mention any of this? I just really want to make sure that my niece travels and I really don't see my sister (who has never left the country) doing it with her...but i also don't want to overstep my bounds.

So I guess....1) would you clear it with the mom first and 2) if the idea was to travel when the kid was 6 years old, when would you bring it up?

[aurora]

Definitely talk to your sister first, though it sounds like it should be fine.

I would also agree to give her small gifts, especially for ages 10-13 or so when she's still young and the trip is still a long time away. However, it could be fun to give gifts that relate to travel. Maybe books or movies at this age, and then travel supplies when she's older?

[sunshinedaydreams]

I would definitely clear it with your sister first. I also don't think a 10yo will grasp not getting a birthday gift and waiting for 6 years to get a trip. I don't know if I'd mention it until much closer to 16.

Also, I would be sure that you don't get your expectations up TOO high and just realize that not everyone WANTS to travel (Hard to believe, I know! :-)) so it may be a different kind of trip dynamic than you're imagining.

My H and I just took my 18yo brother to Europe in June for his HS graduation and I was very let down by the whole experience. He has never traveled and was very closed minded and judgmental about the culture and really everything. And he was more concerned about being back in the apartment by X time so that he could skype with his GF than he was about exploring Europe. I had had these HUGE expectations that he would be so blown away and want to travel more (because I'm that way), but he ended up homesick and wanting to go home.

[Deleted]

Like pps, I would clear it with mom first, and also still buy little gifts for birthdays.

I love the idea of getting children excited about travel. I traveled quite a bit as a child, especially with my grandmother, and those are such special memories. However, there's a few things I would be aware of. One, six years is a long time for a kid (or an adult, really). She's probably not going to maintain an even level of enthusiasm for several years building up to the trip. Two, she's probably going to want to do/plan something at 10 that will change dramatically by 16 so I would emphasize that you're not going to plan anything for a while, but it'll be fun to talk about different ideas. Three, I do think there is a chance of you being disappointed. Looking back on family trips, even though I was a well-traveled child I still kind of sucked as a teen. When I was 16, we did a two week Alaskan cruise, and I remember I wanted to sleep and hang out at the pool so I could flirt with some guy rather than see the glaciers, wildlife, amazing scenery, spend quality time with family. I could kick myself now, but that's 16 for you. Maybe the way to avoid that is to set reasonable expectations and make sure you choose a trip that truly interests her, even if it's not your first choice.

With those things in mind, I think it's a wonderful idea and will create special memories for you and your niece!

[dragonfly08]

Another vote for clearing it with mom first. And I, personally, would not start telling a child at age 10 about a gift they aren't getting until they're 16. My older DD is about to turn 9, so not far behind that, and is pretty mature for her age...and grasping the idea of planning something six years in the future is too much to ask, IMO. Especially when it's combined with not receiving gifts/recognition of the birthdays in between. Definitely downsize the gifts if you want to have extra $$ to save for the trip, but I wouldn't tell her about the trip until much closer to the time. You never know what could happen between now and then.

[mbcdefg]

I wouldn't tell her right now. You don't want to make her a promise and have her look forward to it, only to find six years later that something happened where you unfortunately can't fulfill it for whatever reason.

Awesome idea, though. Talk to her mom and if she agrees, start putting some money aside. I'd love a generous gift like that.

[marytini]

Pretty much, ditto everyone else.
Maybe to gauge how she might feel about travel, why don't you start sharing your photos etc with her from your trips, bring her cool souvenirs, etc and see how she responds. At this point if she hasn't been exposed to traveling, she may not know it exists so to speak, so maybe by showing her snippets of your travels, she'll start to realize there's a big world out there and may want to see some of it.

Personall,y I know how you feel. I sort of wish my ILs traveled more with their kids (BIL is a pilot) but for them, travel is going to Florida. I get that they have 3 kids and that is spendy, and they have all their acitivities/sports so it is difficult to plan. It's sort of one of those, if I were the parent scenarios.

[Deleted]

I would definately clear it with your sister first. I think that is a great idea and I think she would love it, at 16. As a 10 year old I don't think it will seem that exciting. I would still get her a little something each birthday/christmas and then surprise her with the trip on her 16th birthday.

[anna7602]

I agree with pps. Also, not to burst your bubble, but six years is a long way off. Something could come up on your end to make it hard to get away with your niece or something could come up on her end- summer camp, amazing opportunity to spend her summer doing something else, or even something like a boyfriend she doesn't want to leave for more than a day. Teenagers are unpredictable. I have 5 nieces and nephews ranging between ages 18-28, so I am no stranger to the whole childless aunt who can do awesome activities thing. But, my ability to be the awesome aunt changed dramatically when I had my own child 4 years ago.

The best thing to do is not talk it up too much, save what you can and if it seems like it's all systems-go, then discuss the real plan 3 or 6 months before the actual trip. I would not skip out on birthday presents in the meantime.

[pittpurple]

I agree with everyone - at 16, you'll need her mother's permission anyway, so you should definitely make sure she's on board with the plan. It sounds like a lovely gift, but I agree that a 10 year old won't be able to look forward to something in 6 year's time so I'd start talking about it in a few years time.

My parents took me to Israel when I was 13 and I was a total brat the entire time. I'm sure my parents would rather have been almost anywhere else :-) It might be worth waiting a bit anyway to see what kind of teenager she turns into.

[tacokick]

At ten I would have been excited about a future trip but would have been sad about no presents. What about vaguely themed presents for her birthdays? A British game instead of the American version, fun candy from overseas etc?

[anna7602]

I've been thinking about this more and I think an awesome present in the meantime might be language classes. Taking a French class when I was 10 (at my mother's insistence) and having the teacher take us all to a pastry shop on the last day where we had to order in French made me want to go to France more than anything else at the time. (I eventually went for the first time when I was 14 and now I live in France.)

I don't think actually picking up and leaving the country are the only ways to get a kid to think globally. There are tons of immigrant communities in the U.S. where you can wander entire blocks and only hear people speaking Spanish or Polish or Hindi. I think my trips to New York City and Miami as a kid did as much to expand my horizons as my later trips abroad.

[katieh]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I'm going to bring it up to my sister next time I visit, but I'll hold off on mentioning anything to my niece for a few years. And I agree that I shouldn't expect her to be as excited about it as I am. I won't commit to the idea until I know if it's something she'd actually want to do.

[Susie]

Yes, I'd definitely clear it with mom first, before I started setting $ aside for it.

When to tell the kid? I'd probably wait until they understood the idea of travel and expressed some interest in it. Depending on the degree of interest... I don't know, maybe 12ish? 13ish? I'm afraid a 10 year old wouldn't be that excited about a trip 6 years off.

I'd also try to be open to the idea that maybe it might not be for the 16th bday. Maybe HS graduation, or 18th, or whatever. Ask mom. See what the kid's up to. Around my 16th bday I'd probably have had the interest, but not the time. I couldn't get away from swim practice for a week back then.

[Deleted]

I feel like this might be a better gift for a college graduation honestly. At 16 she's likely not going to appreciate it and be sad that she isn't with her friends. By 22 I think she can truly appreciate it, as well as spending that much time with an adult. I know at 16 I wouldn't be too psyched to spend a week with my aunt, but I'd love it by the time I was 22.

I think this might be an awesome gift to "give her" on her 16th birthday, like a voucher for a trip anywhere in the world on her 22nd birthday and some travel books.

The good thing is too that it gives you more time to save up, especially on the milestones like the graduations.

[wannabe]

I was such an asshole when I was 16 and forced to travel on family vacations. all I wanted was to sit in the hotel and wait for my boyfriend to call. hopefully your niece will be much nicer, heh.

[scorpio72]

You know your niece and if she'll be excited. I think it's an awesome idea. I have a 9 year old DD who is so excited to be going to NY with her grandmother when she turns 10. I'm sure she'd be beyond thrilled if someone took her to Europe even if we're 6 years away. She definitely gets it.

[justthetip]

My 40-something aunt started taking me on trips abroad with her when I was 17. For several years before, she brought me gifts from her travels which helped pique my interest. I'm indebted to her for those experiences.