Eff you, H! A vent.

[pierogigirl]

It makes me stabby that my husband takes a nap every weekend when he sleeps through both kids waking in the night. He seriously can't hear them crying - he is a very deep sleeper. The other night I was up with a crying baby at 11, the toddler woke up crying at 12 and 1, and the baby ate at 3 and 5. Both kids got up at 6:45 (they slept in!) which was also when DH got up and he's tired!?

He's a good guy, but this is a source of irritation for me in our marriage. When the baby is sttn and not nursing we're going to start taking turns letting one person sleep in in the morning. Also, I will ask him to ask his doctor about his sleep. I don't think he should be as tired as he is, since he routinely gets at least 6-7 uninterrupted hours a night, and sometimes more.

OK. Vent over.

[Willis Jackson]

That would piss me off. Can you wake him up to deal with the toddler?

I recently got a part-time job and get up at 3am. DH learned VERY quickly that he's not allowed to complain about being tired because the kids got up at 5.

[pierogigirl]

Aug 5, 2012 7:00:05 GMT -5 Willis Jackson said:

That would piss me off. Can you wake him up to deal with the toddler?

I recently got a part-time job and get up at 3am. DH learned VERY quickly that he's not allowed to complain about being tired because the kids got up at 5.

I do wake him up to deal with the toddler sometimes. But the toddler crying often wakes the baby, so if I go it's faster and the baby stays asleep.

The other night was particularly bad. Last night the toddler slept through and the baby only got up at 3 and 5. Unfortunately, I stayed up until 11:30 watching the Olympics, but that's my fault, not H's.

[megs193]

I have an almost 3 year old and a 5 week old who is EBF so I undewrstand why you are annoyed. On the weekends my DH gets up with them in the morning and brings me the baby when he needs to nurse. Once our 5 week old is sttn we will take turns getting up in the morning on weekends. I would talk to him and tell him you need help. I have found that my DH is happy to help me if I ask but would never think to do it on his own.

[hannamaren]

Kick him awake in the night.

On the weekend, get up with the kids, and at 9 or 10 am, go get him and you go back to bed.

[CloudBee]

Can you talk to him about finding 30-60 minutes so you can nap, too?

[Deleted]

Dh & I have a deal. He does all middle of the night wakings, if he can sleep in on the weekends. Sometimes I am cranky about it at 5:30 am on Saturday morning since ds sttn 99.9 percent of the time. But when he does wakeup at 2:30 am it's nice to just roll over & get him. You need some kind of arraingememt with dh. If he gets a nap, maybe he can let you go to bed early?

[Deleted]

I used to dream that this would somehow get fair. It doesn't.

[fortmyersbride]

Like a pp mentioned, when I hear about someone who gets a decent amount of sleep (time-wise) but isn't rested the next day, I think sleep apnea. If he snores loudly, seems to pause breathing while sleeping, and is excessively tired the next day- I would urge him to discuss a sleep study with his doctor.

Other than that, I have always done the night wakenings with our babies when they EBF. This means that when DS weaned at 14 mos, he became DH's overnight responsibility (assuming he isn't on call). I also reserve the right to nap on the weekends when I'm still getting up with a baby, and DH knows he has to watch one or both kids to make it happen. When DD is sleeping better, we'll probably go back to our old system of taking turns sleeping in on days off.

[pierogigirl]

He does snore. I could go to bed early, but that's my me time. I'm actually not as tired as I was with DS1 and now that I've had coffee and gotten things done, I'm not so pissed anymore. DH would have no problem with me taking a nap, but once I get started for the day I really don't want to/can't nap.

He used to work 90-100 hrs a week and once worked 35 days in a row, so his tiredness was understandable. Now he works 45 hrs a week and has weekends off and he still seems just as tired. I will have him talk to his doctor at his next appointment.

[vanillacourage]

What do you mean he "takes a nap"? You're up all night with the kids and then he's all la-di-da floating into the bedroom to lay down? Yeah - no. I would have no compunction with saying to DH "looks like your hands are free, please wrangle the kids while I rest for a while" and hand them off.

I did all the night wakings when I was on ML but now that I'm back we rotate nights. I elbow DH awake if need be.

[badtzmaru22]

I hear you! I am pretty sure my H needs a cpap. He actually just had the sleep study this week, but we have to wait for the results. I hate feeling this way bc I'm pretty sure he has medical reasons for being so tired- he also has severe depression, but that's being treated. But it still sucks. And he's been bugging me about moving the baby into her own room, and thinking that she isn't really hungry when she eats in the middle of the night... I told him to stfu about that, and I'll move her when I'm ready (soon- she's outgrowing the bassinet anyway) but he will still sleep fine, and I'll have to get up and go into the other room if/when she still wakes up. hang in there, and def look into the sleep study.

[Ashley&Scott]

I would be pissed too. You should be the one napping.

And ditto Domer, you can still sleep in or nap. Nurse then go to sleep, DH can take the baby to another part of the house until it's time to nurse again.

[nonsenseabound]

My DH laughs when wives say that their husbands don't hear the kid. He says, so what my wife does, punch me. Now, for the record, I don't actually punch him. I tap him first and then get harder until he wakes up. Make him get up, he's a parent just as much as you.

Our deal is that DH gets the baby, changes him if necessary and brings him to me so I can nurse in bed. DH normally deals with our three year old if she wakes up in the middle of the night, but this was learned when I was pg and couldn't handle it anymore. She maybe wakes up 2x per week.

I would be okay if DH took a nap when the kids napped. It would also matter to me if DH slept for hours or if it was a 20 min nap. Big difference.