Father involvement in child rearing

[starlily]

We bottle fed from the start, so we pretty much split night feedings.

I schedule appointments & activities, and also do most daycare pickup/dropoff, but H will do so as needed. I stay home with her more often when she's sick, but that's because I have more leave. If I really need to go in to work though, H will stay home.

We both share feeding duties now pretty equally. H usually does bathtime while I cook our dinner, and also handles 95% of the poopy diapers because he knows it grosses me out. I usually put her to bed. We both play with her and read to her.

Overall I feel that he's very involved and I feel like we're a good team.

[hocus]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups: with kid one he took F/S to give me a break. WIth kids 2 he generally took early mornings (~7) while I took all overnights. I WAH so I have more time to sleep.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities

I do most doctor's appointsments because the doctor is close to home. He has gone on appointments and when we have something urgent he fine going or staying home with the other kid.


The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)

He does everything except bath time which he doesn't like doing.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)

We rarely have formal weekend things. We mainly go to the park. He used to take the older one there and I'd stay with the baby, now we both go. I do arrange childcare for weekends if we need it.

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?

Yep. I knew DH would be a great dad and he is. He's really invovled. He have our differences of opinion about issues but we work it out.

[mishap]

Aug 6, 2012 11:38:31 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

I was trying to come up with a neutral title.

I was curious how involved your husband / partner in their childrens' lives, on a few levels.

How often they took or take the night wake-ups Not much. I BF-ed for the first two months, but he would do a bottle in the middle of the night maybe once every other day. Or he would take a 10:00 feed so I could go to bed at 8 and sleep until 2. I don't remember a lot of it, to be honest!


How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities. Almost never, unless I have a work commitment. I schedule things so they work with my schedule, and DH will do it if something unexpected comes up.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading -- We have a nanny for the baby, so there is no drop off or pick up. Food prep is split. Cleaning is split. I probably do more of the daily neatening up, but he does more of the heavy lifting with cleaning and house maintenence. I do baths. Reading is split. DH works late very, very often, so it's not uncommon for me to do almost everything. But when he is home, it is split.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) -- We both do. We try to make it so we get an even mix of solo time and family time. Couple time is harder but we make an effort.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? I guess. It works for us now.

Feel free to give thoughts on any of the above.

[Deleted]

I would say we are about 50/50.

I quit my full time job but have worked part time the whole time gradually increasing my time at work. I now work 3 full days plus 4 partial days (they overlap.)

For the first year, 4 days a week DH got home and I left.

Now DS is in daycare 3 days a week. I drop off, H picks up. He leaves for work at 5am and I get home around 6:30pm those days.

We share cleaning and cooking. The two days during the week that I am home with DS I handle most of the shopping, errands, and laundry.

This is what we expected. We knew that my schedule would mean that we have to be completely prepared for a even split of work.

ETA: feeding the first year. I nursed, but was ordered by my dr. to get a solid 6 hours every night. This meant that I pumped as well and every night DH gave DS a bottle for a feeding. He usually took the 5am feeding so I slept from 10-12, and then 12-6am. Eventually DS dropped that feeding and I would do all of them.

[Deleted]

My answers will definitely change now that I will go back to work. Since I've been a SAHM since DS was born, I took the majority of duties (obviously) especially since we moved and DH's hours got longer.

How often they took or take the night wake-ups I've done most of the night wake ups since DS was born. DH did night duty on weekends when necessary.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I do all of the scheduling re activities. DH will take DS to do guy stuff on Saturday mornings and that is up to him. Going forward, it will be up to me re appointments but we'll see based on location of daycare.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) Before we moved, DH took over night time routine/bath/bed. Since we moved, DH doesn't get home early enough so I do it all. When I start working, I will have DH do food prep and bath time if he gets home early. Otherwise, it's me again.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) I am always the planner so it's up to me no matter if we have a kid or not. Sometimes I tell DH to plan for us when I am not in the mood, but for the most part I don't mind it.

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? I didn't really know what to expect but he's great IMO. He insists on hiring help (ie cleaning ladies and babysitters) so that I can still keep my sanity.

[jinnifah]

Most of the routine stuff I do - diapers, feeding (obviously as dh can't bf hah), bathing, etc. I don't get him up at night because ds only wakes up to be fed and if he needs a change it's faster for me to change him between boobs.

Since dh gets to sleep all night, he takes ds for 2-3hrs most mornings he's not working and I sleep in.

When we're both home it's probably a 70/30 split but dh does 70% of the housework so that makes up for it. Dh also frequently takes ds for walks in the evening or, if I have enough milk pumped, for .an evening visit to my IL's.

[froggy76]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups

DH is a heavy sleeper and I BF, so it's mainly on me. He is always willing to help if I wake him up.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities

I'm the planner, so I take care of appointments. DD doesn't do any activities yet. DH would gladly take her to doctor's appointments, but I want to hear what the doctor says. He usually comes with us, though.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)

I handle pickup and drop off because daycare is on my way to work. I do most of the daycare prep. He does slightly more than 50% of the bottle washing and CD laundry. We do baths together and take turns reading to her. I'd say we have a 50/50 split, with him as more of a behind the scenes person who keeps things running smoothly (laundry, dishes), while I make sure she's fed (BF) and has what she needs for daycare.

I should add that DH has taken over responsibility for cooking dinner and taking care of our dog (2 walks per day). Just more examples of how he takes care of "household" things so I am able to focus on DD.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)

50/50

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?

Yes, 100%.

[kittycatlove]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups : In the begiining DH would get up to change DS and then I would feed him ( I only nursed until 3 months). After that I pretty much did it all. Now on the rare occassion that DS gets up I usually end up doing it.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities: We usually do these together. DH likes to be involved.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): DH does drop off I pick up and the rest we both do equally.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them); We pretty much try to do everything as a family.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? I knew my DH would want to be very involved, and I know I'm extremely lucky

[blue1980]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups
DH was horrible about night wake ups. He sleeps very deeply and I would have to practically shove him out of bed to go take care of DD. In the end it was easier to do it myself most of the time.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities
DH has only taken DD to the doctor on his own once or twice. This is not because he refuses, but because I like to be there to talk to the doctor. Especially now that DD is older, DH takes her on father/daughter outings often. They have a great time together.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
We split drop off/pick up most of the time. I almost always do the prep for the next day. I will admit that I am type A and don't trust DH to do it my way. I give DD a bath while DH cleans up the kitchen after dinner. We switch off on reading books to her before bed.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
We do most things as a family on the weekends. We usually talk about what we want to do/need to get done and decide together.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
DD is 3 1/2 and I am normally pretty happy with our division of labor at this point. I will admit that it took us a long time and a lot of pretty serious arguments to get here. In the begining I was doing pretty much everything and didn't feel that DH was pulling his weight. He has gotten a lot better.

[iheartbanjos]

DH and I share the night wake ups. They are pretty rare, but unless she yells for mommy specifically, she's getting daddy.

DH works 32 miles from our home, so I get the brunt of this. However, he takes her to Dr's appts about 20% of the time (she gets chronic ear infections.)

Unless we make other arrangements, I take DD to daycare everyday and DH picks her up 2x a week so that I can work out. Again, not totally fair, but I'm local and he works pretty far away. We take turns with baths, I almost always make the lunch (I prefer it that way), and DH generally does bedtime.

We're a family unit on the weekends. We decide what we want to do as a group (zoo, pool, park, etc.) and we spend the weekend together.

This is pretty much what I had envisioned. When #2 gets here, we'll have a nanny and I have no idea how that will go!

[vanillacourage]

DH does just a little bit less than I do - I naturally fall into the role of "maintenance" on the kids. Making sure we have enough formula for DS2, scheduling and taking them to well-checks, etc. Doing research on what carseat to buy and worrying about when they expire, which he thinks is ridiculous.

I do daycare drop-off, DH picks up. Making meals is a split. We rotate who gets up with the baby at night (I do tend to get up more with him, but that's only because I can get him back down within 30 minutes whereas the baby looooves playing with DH and thinks it's playtime and is up for much longer).

Typing this out makes me realize that I should probably be more appreciative of him. But then the flip side is that no, I shouldn't, they're half his kids and he SHOULD be doing about 50%.

[Willis Jackson]

Aug 6, 2012 14:50:08 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Typing this out makes me realize that I should probably be more appreciative of him. But then the flip side is that no, I shouldn't, they're half his kids and he SHOULD be doing about 50%.

Exactly. No one in this thread is "lucky" she has a husband who takes care of his children. Please.

[thedash]

My DH is more involved than a lot of other dads I hear about. He took a 2.5 month paternity leave after my maternity leave ended so he's obviously capable of taking care of DS on his own. I end up being the planner and organizer, but that's true of the rest of our life too so it's not surprising that it's the same when it comes to DS. I tend to hear him wake up more often, and he rarely wakes up now, but DH got up approximately an equal amount of time as I did when he was younger.

ETA: He does drop off and I do pick up. We take turns with everything else - changing, bathing, giving medicine, etc.

[Deleted]

I preface this with I am a SAHM. Our arrangement from the beginning was that I do the vast majority of the child rearing and we're both very happy with that. DH has a demanding job and a long commute. I entered into SAH-ness with the knowledge that DS would be mostly my responsibility.

How often they took or take the night wake-ups DH and I tag-teamed night wakes while he was on paternity leave (2 weeks). After that it's 95% me since I'm nursing and SAH. DH will happily wake up and help if I ask him to, like when DS would.not.go back to sleep one night last week.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities Almost never. I SAH so I do all appointments, DS is 5 months old so no "activities" yet. DH will happily come to an appointment if I ask him to, like DS's u/s last week to make sure his ginormous head is normal (it is).

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) About 75% me. I do all the bottle washing, laundry, bathing. DH *loves* to read to DS before bed, so I nurse DS then DH reads him to sleep every night.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) I do all the planning, and DH happily attends the activities he likes (Farmer's Market) and will come to the activities he doesn't like (grocery shopping) if I ask him to.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Yes. DH is a very involved father even though I SAH. Most days, he wakes up with DS and changes him while I let out/feed the chickens and dog. He plays and reads to DS all the time, and is very gentle and goofy with him, which IMHO takes effort for a man to do, KWIM? He showers DS with kisses while DS laughs, he's happy to change dirty diapers. DH never got the hang of rocking or snuggling really, so he plays with DS more than anything. All in all, we're both very happy with the division of labor in our household. DH is a wonderful father.

Just to throw in my two cents, the whole "child rearing is a women's job" is BULLSHIT. This isn't 1947, even if the wife SAH. It took two people to make this baby, it takes two to care for it. Children need love and attention from both parents in order to feel secure and happy. Distant fathers make for distant sons. DH's father was distant and not particularly loving, and DH has said many times that he doesn't want DS to have to suffer through the same kind of childhood he did. If DH wasn't an involved and loving father, you bet your ass I would be calling him out on it and forcing him to change. If he would not, that would be a serious issue in our marriage.

[divajane]

We have a 4yo DS and almost 2yo DD

How often they took or take the night wake-ups I nursed both kids, so initially I did the night wake-ups. Now I am usually the first to wake up when they fuss, but about half the time I will let DH know that it is his turn (usually by kicking/nudging until he is awake). If DH hears the kids before I wake up he always gets up with them, he is just a deeper sleeper.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I schedule all of the kids appointments, but that is just because I am the Type A planner in our relationship. My job is much more flexible than his (salaried vs hourly), so I take the kids to all of their weekday appointments. We alternate weekend appointments/activities or go together.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) DH works 6 to 4 (usually) and I work 8 to 5, so I am the one to get the kids ready in the morning and take them to daycare. DH usually picks them up. Once we get home, I usually make supper while DH plays with the kids, and then after supper he cleans up while I play with them. I usually do baths and after each bath DH does pj's. I usually tuck DD in (she is very attached to me right now), and then we alternate tucking DS in/working out each night.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) I plan almost all of our activities, but I have always been the planner in our relationship. Usually we do stuff together as a family, but DH is pretty good about doing things with just the kids, or doing one-on-one activities with each of them (probably better than me, because I tend to look at weekends as a time to "catch up" on all of my chores, whereas he sees it as "family time").

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? This is pretty much what I expected parenting to be like. It is also very similar to the way I grew up (dad worked 7 to 4, mom worked 8 to 5), so it is familiar to me. I sometimes feel like DH doesn't really appreciate how stressful the mornings can be for me, because he never has to get the kids ready for anything on his own, but there isn't much we can do about it, and it isn't his fault so I try to remember that.

[Deleted]

I do the majority of the things you listed, mostly because I breastfeed and DH works long hours. I SAH so I'm just around them more often.

I do all the wake ups with the baby (although he does get up with the older boys if they happen to wake up from a bad dream or whatever), I get them dressed, ferry them to and from school and their activities, take them to play dates and doctor's appointments, prepare and feed them all three meals, bathe them, read to them, put them to bed, do all of their laundry, wash the bottles, etc.

Lately, DH has been getting home about 30 min. to an hour before they go to bed, so sometimes he helps with that.

He's really awesome on the weekends though. We go on outings together with them, he takes them with him when has to run errands or go to his parents' house, plays with them outside for hours, helps bathe them and puts them to bed, etc.

This is pretty much what I expected would happen when I quit my teaching job. The kids are kind of like my job right now so it makes sense that I do most of the work related to them.

[nannersp]

When DD was an infant, I took all the night feedings because I was nursing, although there were some nights where I just needed a break so he would wake to feed her a pumped bottle so I could get a solid chunk of sleep.

He's attended about 90% of her doctor's appointments, and we try to plan most of her activities for evenings/weekends because he really loves to be there if he can.

He works full-time and I do part-time freelance, so I take on a lot of the planning/scheduling/prepping for preschool, etc. He drops her off at preschool, and I pick her up. He almost always does nighttime stories, sort of as a balance because I get more time w/ DD because he gets home an hour after I pick her up, and we take turns doing bath.

I'm totally fine with how this has all balanced out for us and it's exactly as I'd hoped/expected.

[Saudade]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups When I was in the hospital DH did every single thing (except bf-ing). He was home for another 1.5 weeks. The first I was in the hospital, he was with me, DS was with my mom. Then he did 100% of care, including bottles. When he went back to work and I was able to start BF-ing I started doing most of it because he works 3pm-5am. So he's gone. On the weekends I make him sleep since he can't feed DS.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities We both go to the well-child exams. Otherwise we haven't had anything.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) I'm a SAHM so DS doesn't go to daycare. I do all baths/reading because DH works at night. Weekends I do baths/reading because DH takes over cooking.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) We don't plan weekend activities (DS is only 5.5mos). We figure out what we're going to do as it comes.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Yes. Since DH works nights, I knew what the division of care was going to be like. The little time that DH does have with DS each day is awesome, just as I expected, since it's so limited.

[thatgirl2478]

Aug 6, 2012 11:38:31 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

I was trying to come up with a neutral title.

I was curious how involved your husband / partner in their childrens' lives, on a few levels.

How often they took or take the night wake-ups all the time after she was done breast feeding (at 3 mo)

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities never. my schedule is more flexible so take care of all of this.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) he takes care of all night time rituals - bath, jammies, story, putting her down.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) we both plan and attend unless the other has something come up. often I'll come up with an idea (ie a zoo we haven't been to) and run it past him. however, he's almost always up for anything and is happy to go along - even if I want to go to an antique store.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?

Yes and then some. He's VERY interested in making sure our daughter is taken care of and has interesting experiences.

Feel free to give thoughts on any of the above.

[bronxgirl]

My husband's days off are on two of my work days so he takes care of DD on those days and the morning of my third work day. When we're all home together I probably do a little more of the caretaking, but for the most part it's pretty even. As far as nighttime duties we split it up based on who's working the next day, which one of us is less tired, etc.

[bunch]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups - only if it's her third time up and I know she's not hungry

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities - never, I sah

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)- dh does bath, wrestle, books, and teeth brushing for dd. pretty much the only thing I do with her between him getting home and her going to bed is feed her. There are no complaints from either of us on this one. It's dh's favorite part of the day.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) - we usually spend one day switching off on child are so that we can do independent adult activities and one day doing stuff as a family. I do most planning, but a lot of things are discussed and pulled together the night before.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Yes. I'm very pleased. Dh has really impressed me as a dad.

[fussybreeches]

When he was home with us the first two weeks he was up with me at every feeding. Then when he went back to work I had to make him go to bed and sleep. She now sttn so in the rare occasion she does wake up, I take care of her.
He has gone to each one of her ped appointments, I schedule them around his work schedule.
In the fall when I go back to work, he is doing the drop off and I'm doing the pick up.
I do all the packing of diaper bags and organizing bottles. He takes charge of bath tome, I'm the assistant. He has even done bath time without me which I won't dare do.
I always knew he would be an involved parent, but he has really stepped it up and it makes me feel so lucky to have him as my husband.

[niki]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups: I breastfed for over a year, so I was always up with the baby, but he would help with diaper changes at least 50% of the time and after the baby was fed, would walk the halls with him about 50% of the time.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities: Schedule: only if forced to and then he would usually do it wrong and I would have to call back and reschedule; Take to appointments: 50% of the time

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): 50% of all of these

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them): I plan most activities (over 85%) and he attends 100%, except when he was working on his thesis, but that is done now.

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Exactly like I hoped and expected

My husband is wonderful and if I could nominate him for some sort of formal award for best dad and husband, I totally would.

[brit1017]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups Once I was back at work, I would take feedings from 10-2, DH would take them from 2-6.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities Schedule- never. Take them to appts/activities- take to most dr appts, drops off and picks up from pre-school (see below)

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) DH and I work separate shifts to minimize childcare costs. DH works evenings and is home with them during the day. He gets them up and dressed and feeds them breakfast and lunch. He picks them up and drops them off at pre-school a few mornings a week, and drops them off at the babysitter the days he works. He'll take them to well-child appts alone. I work days, so I pick them up from the babysitter and have them for nights, so I do dinner, baths and bedtime. If they are sick, I am generally the one who stays home. We both clean as we can, but our house is generally not perfect.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) DH's schedule has him working a lot of weekends. So basically I get up with them to let him sleep in (he doesn't get a lot of sleep during the week) and we'll do errands like grocery shopping as a family.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? He was working this schedule before kids, so we had an idea. It is a little harder than we thought it would be b/c we are mostly alone with the kids, so we never have a backup to take a break, or sit down and relax after work. We have to work a little harder at our relationship and make sure that we take date nights b/c we don't see each other much during the week.

Feel free to give thoughts on any of the above.[/quote]

[darnkatz]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups When she was a baby, I did most of the night wake-ups because I was nursing. He got up with her initially to change her diaper when she was a newborn.


How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I schedule most of the appointments when I'm at work, and he takes her to 95% of them now. I used to do all that when he worked full time.


The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) No daycare. He is a SAHD, so he takes care of her all day long. I generally get her ready for bed.


The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) She hasn't been interested in extracurricular activities yet, so we just plan something and do it together.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
It was rough for a while when H was working crazy hours and I had full responsibility of her. I feel like it's more equal now that he SAH. My job is not even close to as demanding as his was, and it is much more flexible. I can even bring her with me if I want, so H gets days off occasionally.

[tardyfortheparty]

Aug 6, 2012 11:38:31 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

How often they took or take the night wake-ups I BF so I did the vast majority of early infant wakeups....toddler wakeups I would say I do 60%, I am a light sleeper and wake up quickly. When it is a real bad night with multiple wakeups, I wake DH up & tell him it is his turn.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I do all the scheduling & do almost all the taking to appts/activities but this is a function of the fact that I have been a SAHM for the past year & before that & when I return to work in a few weeks I am a part time teacher, so I have a lot more flexibility.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)

DH does baths and bedtime, and I do the rest...if I ask him, he will do anything, however.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) We are about 50/50 on weekend plans & attend them together.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Yes, DH would be even more hands on if he had more time, but he has a demanding career & we chose for me to step back in my career to provide more time for our family (because this was what I was happy to do & DH makes far more $$ than I do).

Feel free to give thoughts on any of the above.

[aspentosh]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups I BF and DH still gets up with her at night if she wakes up. He changes her diaper and brings her to me to nurse.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities She only has appts at this time, but he comes to all of them (unless he truly can't because of work). We schedule them for 5ish, so it's not a big deal.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) He drops her off for daycare, I pick her up. We rotate who washes bottles for daycare but he usually fills them in the morning. I prep all her food since I am making her purees, but we switch off who feeds her. Baths are a team effort. Reading is a team effort.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) N/A at this point


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? It's actually much better than I thought it would be. He really stepped up with DD and does a lot. He is a bit better helping around the house, too, which is a bonus.

[GailGoldie]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups
My husband did more night feedings than I did - b/c he wanted me to be able to heal (from both the vag birth of DS1 and the twins). Early on with the twins we both woke for every feeding b/c there were 2 to feed, but as they started to stretch out sleep and eat less, DH did almost all feedings- he was awesome.

he still does all night wake ups - since he can fall asleep easily after he gets up for something- and I am up for hours if I get up... he's good like that.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activitiesHe doesn't do many appts with the kdis b/c they are usually during the week and he's working- i work part time so i do those things, but on the weekends he does a lot of the birthday parties and soccer, swim, etc. We do about 1/2 and 1/2 for that.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)

I do most daycare drop off/pick up b/c my job doesn't have an official "start time" -i'm in sales. DH does most prepping for daycare - getting their bags ready, etc... DH does their baths while I get them dressed and put to bed. I do story with the twins most of the time- DH and I trade off with DS1 for bed/book b/c we let him choose and he goes back and forth between us.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)

I do 99.9% of the planning for our family. This works out best for us. I hate when DH is planning things- i like to have control over our schedule lol


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?

totally what I expected. I'm always shocked when women get upset and surprised that their husbands don't do more, etc- b/c it's rare that a man does a ton before marriage/kids and then just stops... in general- a guy will be similar to what he was before marriage/kids- so I say, don't marry a man who doesn't do shit if you expect him to do shit when you have kids

My husband has always been a "do-er" type guy. He and I were always 50/50 with things like cleaning, cooking, etc. We work together as a team and always have- so I expected it to be this way after kids- and it is.

[Ashley&Scott]

How often they took or take the night wake-ups:
I bf, DH gets up most of the time. A little less now that we've mastered side lying nursing, but if I need something or if DS is fussy he gets up.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities?
I schedule most appointments because my job is more relaxed about personal phone use. We both attend the majority of appointments, there have been few times when we have each done solo appointments because the other couldn't get off work.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading):
DH drops off, I pick up. DH usually washes DC bottles & pump parts while I feed DS in the evenings. Baths & playtime are equal. (we either do them together or alternate while the other person does kitchen cleanup)

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them):
So far our weekend activities have been pretty casual so there hasn't been much planning. (things like trips to Target, playing on the deck & walks around the neighborhood.) We both attend.

And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
I knew DH would be very hands on, I love that about him.

[statlerwaldorf]

I am a SAHM, so more of the responsibilities fall on me. We would divide things differently if we were both working.

How often they took or take the night wake-ups
Never. DD was bf and needed to nurse. I didn't see the point in both of us waking up with her. DH is more of a morning person than I am and he would get up with on his days off.

How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities
Never. Sometimes DH comes with me to important appointments, but for the most part I usually take care of everything.

The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
I do all of the food prep. We take turns bathing. DH is pretty good about helping clean and takes over dishes a lot.

The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
I plan them. We usually do stuff as a family. DH stays home with DD when I have volunteer work to do. Sometimes I get annoyed because DH doesn't want to do as much stuff as I do.


And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Pretty much. DH was always good about helping around the house even before we had DD. I have always been the planner in the relationship. It works for us.