Post by nonsenseabound on Aug 6, 2012 11:44:11 GMT -5
How often they took or take the night wake-ups: DH does all wake ups with our three year old and he gets our infant son and brings him to me (I nurse)
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities: I do most of our doctor/dental appt because I have the more flexible schedule. When DD is in activities, we share the responsibility of taking her.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): I do most of the pick up and drop off, I do all bottles, he does all the baths and nighttime routines. I nurse, so that takes up a lot of time. He is the one who takes them to the park.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them): we do this together.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
DH is a great dad. Sometimes he drives me batty, but that is just because we approach things differently but we both are going for the same result. He routinely takes the kids for one on one time and gives me breaks as needed. He works long hours, but is never too tired to play with the kids.
I honestly do not know how women handle husbands who don't pull their weight.
Post by karinothing on Aug 6, 2012 11:45:11 GMT -5
night wake-ups: I am BFing so obviously he can only do so much. In the beginning he would get up and change DS, and bring my snacks/water whatever. Make sure I was comfy. Now I largely do them myself. The only time DH gets involved is if DS won't go back down for some reason and I tag him in (although usually not to nicely ha ha).
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities My work schedule is by far easier than DH's expecially during an election year. So I tend to take DS to his appointments. However, during the summer DH has Fridays off so him and DS do things then. IN the fall (after the election) he is planning on taking some time off and hopes to sign up for Gymboree or Little Gym.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): I do both pick up/drop off because daycare is at my work. When I had strep DH did drop off, but I did pick up.
DH does bath time/getting DS ready for bed and I do daycare prep. We both do food prep.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them): I plan everything, but that is pretty much just our personalities. We do all weekend activities together (example we go to swim lessons together on Sunday). DH plays sports on the weekends and DS and I were attending games until it got too hot.
During the summer DH does most of the chores on Friday during DS' nap. When he doesn't have Fridays off we do them about 50/50 on the weekend.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?: Yes, I always knew DH would be excellent with kids and he was always a very involved and caring partner when it was just us. He is probably more amazing than I could have imagned.
My husband works at a pretty intense job and I stay at home with J. I also BFed for the first 9m, so I did all wake ups in the middle of the night because my boobs were needed AND I wasn't actually going to work the next day. I also schedule J's appts and take him to them. I prep the food, keep the bottles washed, etc.
However, H is so good about trying to get home before J goes to bed most days of the week so he can see him and will do bathtime/bedtime about half the nights of the week. He will happily stay with him if I have errands to run on the weekends or just want some me time. Now that I am not BFing any long, he lets me sleep in at least one, if not both weekend days. As a trade, I'm up with J early M-F and he gets to sleep until he needs to get up for work (this is an extra 45min - 1+hrs depending on how early J is up for the day).
On paper, I'd say that it looks like I do most of the day to day childcare stuff, but this system works for us and I personally feel like H is pretty involved with his son, especially for working the hours that he works.
Well he's only 12 weeks old so we are still working out the schedules, etc, but right now DH has been about as involved as he can be - he went back to work after a week and has had a surprising amount of travel this summer (he was in Omaha three days last week and the whole week before that), when he normally doesn't travel. But when he is home he's pretty involved.
We both do the bath, and he gets him dressed and then I feed him and we both put him to bed if he doesnt go down after eating. During the night or in the morning DH changes the diaper and then I feed him, and in the mornings DH takes him after that feeding and I go back to sleep for a few hours (usually this around 6 or so and then I'll sleep in until 8 and then H goes to work.) When he comes home from work he usually tries to take him for a walk or something so I get some downtime without the baby in the house.
Today is his first day of daycare so we'll see how the prepping the bottles, etc goes but we have two dogs, so I imagine it will end up that one will do the dog stuff(take them for a walk, prep their treats for the next day, etc) and one will do the baby prep work. He will do the drop offs for day care though and I'll be the one picking up. Overall things were split surprisingly evenly during my maternity leave (I think I cooked two meals in 12 weeks and I usually do all the cooking) so while I imagine we may hit some bumps now that I am back to work, I think things will still be pretty even.
DH does all wake ups in exchange for me doing all early mornings. DS is an excellent sleeper, & I am a morning person so this works out for us. We share all other responsibilities depending on work shedules. I do bedtime routines, he washes all the bottles & handles all the rx refills. DH is a great dad & I knew he would be. He is affectionate & responsible.
DH does bath time most weeknights though. DH is very involved with DS in other ways. Is his Tee ball coach, reads to him at night and they have special date days to go to a baseball game, the park etc etc. He just does not do the day to day stuff like scheduling teeth cleaning, doc appt's, buying new clothes etc etc.
DH works so much and his job is 10x more demanding than mine. He also runs some side businesses. Soon I will be a SAHM because we have our second on the way so I do not see this changing.
I BF so DH rarely woke in the middle of the night. I was SAH at the time though, so I wanted DH to sleep so he could function at work. I was able to nap when DS napped during the day.
Ever since we have started dating I have planned our weekend activities though, so that did not change, just what we are doing on the weekends now has changed
ETA: I like how we do things now. I am not sure if it is how I expected it to be, but I prefer it the way we have it. Although when we add #2 to the mix I am sure things will shift as with any big change.
I was trying to come up with a neutral title. How often they took or take the night wake-ups
Rarely for the first year or so when she was nursing and almost always now that she is older.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities
50/50. We are dorks who still go to most doctors appoints together (mostly a function of sharing a car and when the appts. are scheduled). We trade off on taking her to weekend activities.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
We pick up/drop off together; he does most of the non-food prep for daycare while I pack lunches; we trade off on evening duties partially depending on our daughter's preferences when it comes to bath, reading, bedtime but are both involved with one those most nights.
The breakdown on weekend activities (who plans them, who attends them)
I tend to be the planner for bigger things and he takes more initiative for a quick walk to the park. We do a lot of one on one time with her to give each other a break and also switch off on birthday party escorting and the like.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Now we're at a point where it's how I expected it to be, but it has taken communication and patience over the years and being vocal about what we need. I think it was easy to be the point person at the beginning because of breastfeeding -- so much revolved around that relationship -- but I felt overburdened and burnt out after year one. But now that we're several years out, we've gotten a better groove going, and I think we're both pretty happy with it. I've also had to learn to relax control, which was sometimes difficult for me.
Thankfully this is no longer an issue. When the kids were bfing I did all the feedings but if DC didn't immediately go back to sleep we took turns staying up with them. We also took turns with sick kids. Once we had two we were each assigned a child.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities
I do all of this because my work schedule is more flexible. H would do it if I asked.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
I do drop off and pick up because of my work schedule but everything else is 50/50.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
We do everything together.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Yep. DH knew that if he wanted to have kids with me I expected full involvement from him. He does so happily.
Post by cookiemdough on Aug 6, 2012 11:53:37 GMT -5
How often they took or take the night wake-ups
I am not sure how it is going to work out when DD gets here. When DS was first born we both did night time wake-ups. The reality though was it wasn't practical. I had to get up because I was nursing but I was also on maternity leave for 6 mos while DH was trying to stay on my schedule and go to work. So it resulted in two sleepless parents that were getting on each other's last nerve. So then we moved to where I would sleep when DH got home until about midnight and I would take the remaining shift. Then DS started sleeping through the night so it wasn't a big deal. If DS is sick then we generally rotate who wakes up. In general though, I sleep much lighter so even if DH is the one that goes into check I am still awakened by DS getting up.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I always do the scheduling of appointments. Both of us have enough flexibility at work to take DS to doctor's appointments. I usually do the sick visits though. For annual appointments we both attend if possible.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
Right now I do Mon&Tues drop off and pick up. DH does Wed&Thurs drop off and pick up and we split Friday. I am the only one that cooks so that is always on me. Whoever has the night routine (bath / reading) is based on who picked up. So if I picked up, DH does the night routine.
This has changed through the years, and this schedule has worked out best for us. However, I am sure it will change once DD gets here. We have tried where DH does all drop offs and I do all pick-ups but it didn't work well for me because I felt like I could never stay late for work if needed or do activities after work. Splitting the week allows for both of us to have at least 2 days where we can plan things without worrying about daycare responsibilities.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
In general I am a better planner, so I usually will come up with things to do on the weekend. Who attends depends on the activity. Stuff like swimming lessons, just one of us goes. Football we both go. Family outings we all go. If one of us needs a break then just one of us will take DS to the park or errands to get out of the house.
Post by pierogigirl on Aug 6, 2012 11:53:44 GMT -5
Despite my vent DH does go to DS1 in the night if he hears him or if I elbow him awake. He often does tubby time, stories, and bedtime (we try to take turns on this).
He does drop off, I do pickup. Because it's easier for him to miss work, he usually gets him from dc if he gets sick in the middle of the day. We take turns taking days off from work for a sick kid.
I plan appointments and usually take them unless it's a sick visit and he picked him up from dc. We both go to things like soccer tots.
He cooks and does laundry about 50% of the time. We both help getting things ready in the am (he makes lunches while I apply sunscreen and brush teeth, for example).
How often they took or take the night wake-ups - took all wake ups that didn't involve eating. he'd go in first and try to soothe.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities - not many doctors appts, but will often take them to playdates, lessons or sports if I can't.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) - does about half. he's really great in this regard.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) - we decide together and depending on our schedules do the activities together or split them up.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? He wasn't so great when she was a baby, because I think it's hard for dads. I made him be in charge of bedtime (started before I was nursing) and that's always been their special time together. DD1 and H are two peas in a pod, and I know he'll get better with #2 (not that he's bad) as she gets older.
Post by definitelyO on Aug 6, 2012 11:58:25 GMT -5
DS is 6 1/2 and DH is very involved and I think we have a great balance between us.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups - the first few months when I was BF DH would get DS, change his diaper and bring him to me to feed and then I would put him back. We took turns putting him down at night. and now at this age DH takes care of getting ready for bed and brushing teeth and I read the books. Also - when I returned to work DH stayed home with DS for 2 months.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities - DH will schedule sick appts and take DS to all medical appts and activities. it depends on who is available. it's 50-50 and we try to split it up or do it together. I schedule all activities.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) daycare - I drop off - DH picks up. I take care of all DS's meals/lunches, etc... and all the daycare/school prep. we still take turns with baths, bedtime, etc...
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) Pretty much I plan most weekend activities - but that's just who/how I am. DH does take DS and they do their "boy" stuff - they go to the movies, trampoline places, McD's for lunch, - stuff I'm not a fan off. I arrange most playdates. but if they're at our house DH is usually home.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? it does - it's been pretty good from the get go with a few exceptions here and there where each of us felt we were taking on way more than the other. and yes, there are days when each of us does more b/c we have the time or know what's going on - but overall I'm really happy with both of our levels of involvement.
Post by dcrunnergirl on Aug 6, 2012 11:59:01 GMT -5
How often they took or take the night wake-ups When the LOs were infants, DH and I did every night waking together when they both woke up, including when I was on ML and he was working. My job during the day was way harder than his, even though he had a very tough job. When just one woke up, he'd get up with him/her if it was "his baby" for the night. We each took responsibility for one baby each night. Now that they are older, they hardly ever (knock on wood) wake up, and he always gets up. If I get up, I won't fall back to sleep. I will get up if the LO stays awake, but if it is just a quick check-in, DH does them all and doesn't even tell me. He keeps the monitor on his side of the bed.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I do all the scheduling, but we both go to all well baby visits. Even if we had one kid, it would have been like this. If a kid is sick, we split up who takes the kid and stays home with the kid depending on who can/can't miss work. Right now, our kids are also in speech therapy, and DH and I split who stays home for those appts.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) DH does pu/do at daycare 2x/week and I do it 2-3x/week depending on if it's my week to have Friday off. We don't have any daycare prep b/c we send everything to daycare in bulk (diapers, wipes, etc.), and daycare provides all food. DH does baths, and we both do bedtime together every night. I do most of the dinner prep, although DH does the breakfast prep on the weekends, which makes up for me doing all dinner prep.
In general, it's really 50/50 with childcare responsibilities. And, knowing DH, it would have been/will be like this no matter how many kids we have.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) I usually plan them but we all attend. We do most stuff as a family on weekends. Sometimes we split the kids up, or I'll take them by myself to a playdate, but I'd say 95% of the time, we do stuff together.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Yes, this definitely lined up to what I expected. DH is just a really awesome, hands-on dad, and wants to be involved in everything. But, he's also like this as a husband. We've always split everything--we've never fought about cleaning anything, putting stuff away, etc. The only thing I do more of is plan stuff and worry more. I wish he'd take more initiative in that, but I can't complain.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups - When DS was younger and after I stopped pumping during the night we alternated nights during the week and each had a weekend morning to sleep in. I did all night wakeups while on maternity leave.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities - My job is more flexible. When we have a bunch of appointments all around the same time then we take turns (like DS having to go to the Dr 6 times in 3 weeks for eye issue). I'd say I do between 50-75% of appointments and sick days. I do most activities but they are more playdates with moms. Once we start up soccer and such I see him going to more.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) - He gets him ready and drops off at daycare, does bath, and usually puts to bed with pre-bed stories being shared. I get the post-bed requests. He usually does DS's laundry.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) - I tend to plan more than him. He comes on many but not all. I insist on him attending some things but pick my battles. Having downtime to watch some sports on the weekends alone keeps him happy and he takes DS somewhere so I can relax some too. I plan things he likes too that I could care less about, like going to a summer league baseball game.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? He does more than I expected, but I think I set the bar pretty low initially. When he took over laundry I was stoked.
Post by cookiemdough on Aug 6, 2012 12:10:00 GMT -5
I forgot to address the expectations part...
Yes it now reflects what I envisioned his involvement to be. It has taken time to get there though. I had to figure out what kind of help I needed and learn to ask for it. For a long time I felt like DH had the flexibility and I did not. The reality is that I just wasn't asking for it. The change in schedule helped immensely. I also think the activities DS does now are more in line with what my husband enjoys so it makes it easier for him to be involved. He didn't really think it was worthwhile to go to mommy and me classes at the gym, but loves coaching DS' football team. So some of it also has to do with they have more activities and interests in common as DS has gotten older. He would do things before but at ages 3 & 4 I think DH really enjoyed the activities more than at 1 or 2. Actually though if I am honest I am the same way. I find 3+ age to be a lot more fun in terms of parenting.
Overall, I feel like DH is very involved. We're pretty much a team in most things, which can be good and bad. Lately DS has been upset whenever either of us leaves.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups The vast majority of these were mine since DS was EBF. Although DH will argue differently, he has revisionist history. But sigh...he can live in his little fantasy world where he thinks he got up as many times as me. Thankfully, now that DS is 2 we don't have to deal with it too much.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I'm the scheduler, but DH is pretty much there for everything.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)DH does the pick up/drop off since I take public transportation to work. We alternate the prepping, depending on who is running that night. We do bathtime, bedtime mostly together except sometimes DH will leave after the first book and I'll finish it off.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)I plan most of the activities, we both attend them. Weekend mornings one of us goes on a long run so we take kid duty for the morning.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?For the most part, DH is an awesome dad and partner.
I am glad so many of you say it works out as expected. I really expect DH to be a very involved father (except potentially night wake-ups... he sucks way worse on little sleep compared to me), but my mom had a negative experience with my own father. Basically they literally had the exact same Army job and she still did 90% of childcare (he will admit to this as well, not like he is proud of it, just factual). I was hoping this was no longer the norm.
I think it's generational. My parents have 4 children and 5 grandchildren and my dad has never changed a diaper in his life.
I am answering for H who is DS' step dad, but my answers still apply to both kids
How often they took or take the night wake-ups - all of them
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities - I schedule dr typr appts, he comes most of them. Playdates and such he usually schedules.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) - we are about even with drop off and pick up. I prep for the next day. We both do baths and bedtime.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) -I mainly plan, we both attend, though sometimes I sleep in and he takes them to whatever sport they are going to
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? - sure
Averaged out I think we have a 50/50 split. Sometimes the our children's preferences come into play depending on which parent they prefer for that day. Overall, we both work and do what we can to keep the household running.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups I was the primary person when they were infants since I was breastfeeding. Itʻs about 50-50 once they passed that stage.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities I do this, but our situation is different b/c my H is blind.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) I do the drop off/pick up, prep etc. I do baths when theyʻre young and heʻs been doing them now that the first two are older.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) We both plan and attend weekend activities.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? Yes, it does.
I am glad so many of you say it works out as expected. I really expect DH to be a very involved father (except potentially night wake-ups... he sucks way worse on little sleep compared to me), but my mom had a negative experience with my own father. Basically they literally had the exact same Army job and she still did 90% of childcare (he will admit to this as well, not like he is proud of it, just factual). I was hoping this was no longer the norm.
I am pretty sure there are still plenty of women who don't get a lot of help at home and probably they are not going to post about it. I definitely know some in real life so while I think there is more involvement than when I was growing up, there are still families which are heavily dependant on the involvement of just one parent.
DH and I divvied it all upfront. I was the one with the flexi schedule who would take care of the kid and he was the one with the killer job that required nights, weekends and his soul. He was rarely home for dinner, but he tried really hard not to schedule early morning meetings so he could see DD when she first woke up. I did all appointments, he did some weekend activities like baby swim classes when he was available.
About 3 years into this, I nearly lost it on him because I wanted more involvement than him just doing the fun weekend stuff when he happened to be free from work. We picked up and moved for more work/life balance. That bought us a year to think about what our next steps are. I am 7 months into that year and trying not to think about what the hell we do when we move back to the U.S. But, for now, he is much more involved in the day-to-day and I'm so pleased with the turnaround that we're trying to have another baby.
Post by barefootcontessa on Aug 6, 2012 12:35:33 GMT -5
I SAH home and my DH works a demanding job. Still, he does a lot. Early on, he helps with the night feedings by getting the baby changed and helping me get settled to nurse. He is totally hands on when he gets home and spends lots of time on the weekends. He is really great when it comes to doing stuff for the kids. We have four kids, though, all close in age and all young, so him sitting around or doing lots of things outside of work are not really options.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups When she was tiny, he took weekends. Now he'll take her in the morning if she's up before me and he's not leaving for work yet. And we split days on the weekends (he gets mornings), so he gets her from wake-up time to naptime
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities Never to appts. They're during his workday and I"m a SAHM
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) As I said above, he takes her in the morning if she gets up early. He takes her when he gets home, and has her more or less until after dinner. We do baths as a team, and he snuggles with her afterward until I do bedtime. We split days on the weekends
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
We don't have set weekend activities. See schedule above
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
More or less. I'm a SAHM, he takes her when he's home for the most part
How often they took or take the night wake-ups:Rarely to never
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities:Rarely to never
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): I do all of this
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them): I plan most weekend activities, DH attends if he's not working
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?I guess this is what I expected it to be like, although I thought that he'd be a little more help than what he is. His job is physically demanding and the hours are very unpredictable and long. I work full time, as well.
I was curious how involved your husband / partner in their childrens' lives, on a few levels.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups
Right now DS goes down between 8-10p. DH takes the first feeding, then I take the next. (usually between 3-4:30a) Around 5:30 DS usually cries and I get him and bring him to bed with me. Right now H ends up getting a 6+ hour continuous stretch of sleep each night.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities
So far he's scheduled all the appointments and we've both gone to every appointment.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading)
We have a nanny so no pick up/drop off. We take turns doing household chores. Basically the one who is sick of the kid cleans while the other keeps DS happy. We usually bathe DS together and take turns feeding/changing.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them)
H has played a lot of golf this summer, so the weekends usually involve H playing golf in the morning, and me hopefully getting a long nap in the afternoon when he gets home.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Despite what I typed above, I do the majority of the work with DS. I think my biggest beef with H right now is that I'm getting less sleep and yet he complains all.the.time about how tired he is. Suck it up, buddy! Honestly I knew going into this that most of the work would fall on me. H always said that during the middle of the night feedings he would get up, change baby, and bring him to me to feed (when I was bf'ing). That didn't happen once. I'm a little bitter about how those first few weeks shook out, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I think the night schedule we have right now is much more fair than what we used to do.
I was curious how involved your husband / partner in their childrens' lives, on a few levels.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups: I am a lighter sleeper than DH so usually I just jump right out of bed and he never even wakes up, but if I'm super tired I'll nudge him and he'll do it
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities: DH has been to every one of DD's doctor appointments even some I couldn't make.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading): DH drops off every day and if he gets off work early will sometimes pick up too. I usually layout her outfit for the day or get her dressed because I enjoy picking out her clothes and having that time with her in the morning, I also pack her daycare bag of extra clothes each night. Both of us do mealtime depending on who is free when the time comes. I give baths more often but that is just how it works out. We switch off putting her to bed every night so she has no issue going to sleep if one of us isn't there. He is a very involved father and I never have to worry about leaving DD with him even if I go out of town for a few days. I do mine and DD's laundry, DH does his own laundry and we share the other house cleaning responsibilities.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them): We usually do these together unless DH is working on a house project or something, he is rarely ever just sitting on his butt doing nothing.
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like? YES but better than expected.
Feel free to give thoughts on any of the above. I told DH from the beginning I wanted him to be able to do everything I can do. Including; diaper changes, swaddling, rocking to sleep, bathing, etc. I get very annoyed by people who say "LO will only go to sleep for his mommy or DH doesn't know how to give LO a bath", etc. Parenting should be a team activity whenever possible so that both of you get bonding time and breaks. DH is very hands on and so in love with his little girl. I didn't have a Daddy when I was little and it melts my heart to see DH with her and to know she has a Daddy she can count on. Also DH may not do things my way, but he does them and that is all that matters
I was curious how involved your husband / partner in their childrens' lives, on a few levels.
How often they took or take the night wake-ups
When H was a newborn, never because he was EBF. Once we sleep trained we split this duty 50/50
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities He comes to all of our regular dr's appts. He occasionally takes H to Gymboree alone and we always go together Monday nights
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) We have a nanny. I leave before H gets up/right when he gets up so my H does mornings. I usually do most of the work in the evenings
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them) this is pretty 50/50
And then also... does this line up with what you expected it to be like?
Post by rootbeerfloat on Aug 6, 2012 13:17:13 GMT -5
How often they took or take the night wake-ups I handled the majority of night wake-ups while they BF. When they were tiny, H would change diapers (if necessary), but once they were past that stage, it was mostly me. When DD came along, he took on more of the bedtime routine (more often with DS, but also with DD), but things were (and are) still more on my shoulders as that's what the kids prefer.
How often they schedule and take your children to appointments / activities We split appointments evenly since both of our jobs allow that kind of flexibility. Activities we attend as a family 95% of the time.
The daily breakdown on working days of childcare responsibilities (pick up / drop off if you do daycare, prepping for daycare, food prep and cleaning, baths, reading) We carpool a lot, but when we don't, the pick up/drop off is an even split. Bath time is also 50/50. I tend to take on more of the prep because I'm super organized, and he's not at all. But he cooks.
The breakdown on weekend activites (who plans them, who attends them). Again, we attend activities as a family almost all the time. I'm a planner, so more likely to research details and schedule something, but he's more fun, so more likely to come up with fun stuff to do.
Night wakings: I nursed DD until 15 months so I got up with her every time. When she was a newborn, DH also got up to help me. She's almost 2.5 now but she still wakes up - usually once per night because of a nightmare or because she needs water or something - and DH has been handling that a lot lately. ;D
Appointments/activities: I SAH so if it's during the weekday, I usually take her. However DH likes to come to all of her doctor appointments. We do swimming lessons in the evening and DH attends those too.
Daily care: I do all of the meal planning, food prep, dishes, cleaning, laundry, etc. We do her bath together (although this may change when the new baby comes.) He reads books to her before bed and we both go upstairs to say goodnight, but he'll stay in her room for a while longer to sing songs and stuff.
Weekend: I still do all the cooking/cleaning and DH will do lawn care and other repairs. We kind of fall into traditional roles in that sense. Otherwise, we do all of the child care together.
DH is great about watching DD while I do stuff I need to do (salon appointments, occasional dinner with friends, etc.)
This is pretty much what I expected. DH is a pretty family-centric guy and he's a terrific dad.